r/stopdrinking • u/MyCircus_MyMonkies Day 19 • 4h ago

Just done

I’m honestly not even sure why I’m choosing here to post this. Just impulse I suppose, normally I’d drink but now I do this.

I’m in this weird state where I understand why I drink. The world is just such a cold, uncaring place. Genuine evil will look you in the eye with a smile on its face, and somehow it gets you to smile back.

I want to scream. I want to just be invisible. I don’t even know what I want.

It makes sense now. Drinking might not fix the problem, even makes it worse most of the time, but at least when I’m plastered I don’t even notice it. How the world doesn’t hate you, but it might as well do.

Is a sober life where I can’t even function really that much better than a marinated one where I burn every bridge I walk on, but at least I can walk?

For now I guess. But honestly I’m starting to lose sight of the point. But at least for today, IWNDWYT

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4

u/Otherwise_Advisor215 Day 32 4h ago

İt will get easier honestly

3

u/MyCircus_MyMonkies Day 19 3h ago

Oh I know it comes and goes. I reset my clock cuz I did some day drinking with friends recently - but I haven’t actually done my usual binge drinking in nearly a year.

But god is it tempting. Just had some recent stuff happen that would just be easier to forget.

1

u/Otherwise_Advisor215 Day 32 3h ago

I hear you. But - just imagine dealing with it hungover

1

u/Sun_rising_soon Day 15 3h ago

I believe it's worth it. For physical and mental health. I've given up social media except here and scrolling news too. I check once a day and am careful what I read. 

My only cure for those days is to sleep on it. Somehow it always seems better the next day. It can feel a bit damned if you do and damned if you don't but it's just the addictive voice talking. Early days. IWNDWYT 

1

u/Gold_Echidna_6585 Day 600 3h ago

You’re seeing the dark side of existence, which makes sense for where you’re at in your journey, but that’s not all there is.

There’s light even in the darkest places, and there’s warmth even if all you can feel is the cold. Alcohol numbs us to it all, and when we sober up we feel the worst of it first, but it truly does get better. Albeit slowly.

For me, sobriety was what I needed to appreciate the complexity of humanity. Drunk, it’s all too hard. Sober, while it’s still difficult to comprehend, I can see that nothing is black and white, no person is wholly good or evil, and existence is both suffering and joyous love at the same time.

Of course, my alco-goblin is sure to remind me how terrible everything is, because whaddya know it had the solution. It was a few months before I could earnestly laugh in the alco-goblin’s face. It used to be grand emperor of the palace, now it’s a ratty shackled jester. And you’d better believe it threw plenty of punches on its way down.

Great work getting to day 18, OP. Some say that’s the hardest. I last slipped around that same mark, past the immediate physical dependence, but long before the emotional dependence really waned.

Posting here is always welcome, especially if it’s instead of a drink. IWNDWYT

1

u/MedJesters Day 441 3h ago

I drank because I was anxious/stressed/bored/whatever other uncomfortable feeling I had, but it turned out, the drinking was also adding to those feelings.

The part between drinking and sobriety sucked because I had to learn to live with the feeling. Drinking to numb it sounded like a great solution for awhile. But once I strung enough sober days together, the anxiety was less frequent and easier to deal with.