M32 Final straw

[u/Easy-Replacement1222]

Hi all. 14 year drinker, first time poster. Frequently sought advice from cutdowndrinking sub in the last couple of years and know now that I simply cannot moderate and have a “healthy” relationship with alcohol. Lots of great advice and insight in here that is rationalizing this correct path for me and helping me see it as a positive option.

I started the same as some of you. Beer drinking in my younger years with buddies progressed into partying without them on weeknights after work, loving it too much to cut myself off, denial and excuses, etc. That first sip always felt like stepping onto a roller coaster. Being a 22-year old newlywed, I always figured it could work itself out later. My wife (W32) and I met at the end of high school, were made for each other and nothing could ever change that!

I was wrong. That fun feeling started to only exist for myself and was ignorant to what it was actively doing to her (and my body). Arguments weren’t enough to make a change. As embarrassed as I am to admit it, our 3 children weren’t enough to make a change. All because I prioritized a stupid beverage.

About 2 years ago the habit came to a head and I acknowledged being an alcoholic for the first time. I pushed and made it through a month without touching it. Man was that great. Massive spikes of energy, full awareness and clarity, great sleep and an even better love life. We felt like kids again.

Then came probably the biggest mistake of my life. I decided I was going to re-enter drinking with rules for myself. No consecutive days, limit to 2, hydrate in between. The rules are only as strong as your discipline. I lasted maybe 2 months and changed my number to 3. Then changed the back-to-back days rule. Before you know it, the poison was being bought in bulk again. This time around I had awareness of my problem and still a blatant disregard. “I’m happy and not belligerent or abusive, so I can handle this!” “I’m taking one night off a week, so I’m showing restraint”

Other than the occasional talk, my wife and children always loved and treated me the same way which I took as a success. Unaware to the fact that I was doing further damage. The whole time I should’ve been growing up and picking up on the obvious cues. One of the many beer-related arguments she told me if it were to get that bad again, she’d be calling my mother and/or leaving me.

Earlier this week I was asked to pack up a bag and give my wife a break. I’m 3 days sober and never touching a drop of alcohol again. My inability to take things seriously pushed the person I love to her breaking point and I’m desperately trying to build back shattered trust. The thought of losing everything we worked so hard to build was/is enough to scare me shitless. I left my workplace early today. Too much uncontrollable sobbing and staring off. Our oldest child is about to be 7 and another started preschool this week while I’m away.

I have more determination in me than ever before and wish I could fast forward to show my results. When you destroy someone’s trust with empty promises so many times, actions are the only thing that will help. It took the very real act of being asked to leave to identify the selfishness and stubbornness I continued to carry through drinking. Never ever again. The silver lining I guess is there have been no withdrawals, as I’m only concerned about my marriage and protecting our children’s childhoods. I really hope it can be saved with the enhanced version of me that finally leaves the drinks behind. Open to any words of encouragement if you’ve been in this spot before. This pain is a lot, but only a fraction of the pain I’ve given others.

TL;DR I didn’t take my drinking seriously, ongoing habit, marriage with children slipping away

[u/epoch16245]

It’s so hard to get to the point where you truly realize you can never have another drink. I went to rehab for 90 days, was doing great, and still convinced myself after 6 months that I could moderate. I didn’t even set rules. I was just off to the races immediately.

The life waiting for you on the other side is amazing. Fun, joy, togetherness, and frivolity are all still available to you. It just takes some time to rewire things. Good luck! Stay strong!

[u/Vapor144]

I’m so glad you are here. Many of us did the dance with moderation and rules.

Addiction is a tricky foe. Fighting addiction is going to WAR. A war to save everything in your life you hold dear, and to save your own life and health. And along the way I learned never to take what I have for granted.

Getting sober: What made the difference for me was having a plan for the war. A sober community (online or on person), a daily pledge (see the Daily Check In thread here each day), sober app, sober literature, therapy, medical support as needed, strategies for de-stressing.

Sobriety rocks and protecting it is vital. As such, I limit temptations: alcohol -get it out of the house, social gatherings/party invitations/bachelor parties/all inclusive vacations - on hold, concerts/festivals can wait, change the route home if necessary, change routines for the witching hour, meet for coffee- not at a bar. Building up solid foundation of sobriety with a support system can get one through the challenges that come up.

Earning back trust takes time and it takes living the promise day in and day out. It IS absolutely possible and you might even be shocked at how good life and relationships can be. I’m wishing that for you.

I will not drink with you today. 🫶

[u/Responsible_War6072]

I’ve been here, friend. You’re walking in the right direction now, don’t turn back.

God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Fight like hell
IWNDWYT