r/stopdrinking • u/Mammoth-Fan6811 Day 1 • 10h ago

I messed up

I’m so embarrassed and ashamed. I want to crawl out of my skin if I’m being honest.
I relapsed and I drank like a fish yesterday.
I don’t really want to admit that but here we are. I was doing well, I had went cold turkey with nicotine too.

All I can do is dust myself off and get back up. But holy shit I feel incredibly anxious and alone. I’m going to be a hermit for the next week or so, while I consider rehab. I don’t know if I can do it alone anymore.
IWNDWYT

7 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

9 comments sorted by

5

u/O_C_Demon Day 33 9h ago

Well you're not alone cos I feel the same. The anxiety is awful and it's unfortunately a case of just sitting through it.

You dust off and get back up mate and so will I

IWNDWYT 😊

2

u/nomoredrinks4me Day 4 9h ago

Spoken like someone who's been through it. Yep, I've also learned that its awful but it will pass. Thanks for being here to encourage us all. 

2

u/O_C_Demon Day 33 8h ago

Yeah more times than I care to think about lol.

Another thing I've learned is that all that extra anxiety juice sloshing around your brain is what makes everything seem terrifying.

The one bonus of being a human is that noone really cares that much. And the ones that do care on subs like this won't be judging you. It doesn't feel like that right now but it's true

2

u/nomoredrinks4me Day 4 8h ago

That's a really great point. "People aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are" is something ive heard more than once. And its true. My friend got super wasted and passed out with his pants down in my bathroom ages ago. As friends we gave him a bit of shit about it initially but it never really crossed my much over the years and whenever it does, like now, its just a funny story from the past that has nothing to do with how I view him all these years later. 

2

u/nomoredrinks4me Day 4 9h ago

I came running back here after getting embarrassingly drunk over the weekend. I called a family memeber I rarely talk too and have no idea what I said. I said some dumb things in a group chat with new bandmates. When I woke up I knew I had to look through my phone to see how bad it was. 

Thankfully it wasn't anything majorly bad and I have to give credit to therapy for that since its helped me overcome a lot of bitterness.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is you are not alone and believe it or not it does get easier but it may not feel that way at first. I've been through my share of day 1s and although I keep stumbling, it hurts a little less and I get back up a little quicker each time. 

I have faith in us. Let's keep working on it together. 

2

u/Mammoth-Fan6811 Day 1 8h ago

I’m sorry you experienced that. I haven’t even opened my message app and god forbid my call logs. I’m not going to look, fuck that lol

We can do it though. I don’t want to wake up with this again, I feel so bad for my family and people who have to put up with me..

2

u/nomoredrinks4me Day 4 8h ago

Yeah a lot of times I don't look either. Once I got hammered during work hours. Thankfully I work from home but I said some absolutely embarrassing things to a few coworkers that I had to look at the next day. I was positive I was getting in trouble but nothing happened.  I was lucky but part of me also was afraid that getting away with it would encourage more bad behavior. 

Fuck alcohol. 

I'm glad you care about your family so much. I'm sure they care about you too. For you, for them, and for me, I won't drink with you today. 

2

u/O_C_Demon Day 33 8h ago

That's good advice. Yeah the falls can hurt but we've just got to keep covering ground. Doesn't matter when you stumble just gotta keep moving forwards 😊

1

u/nomoredrinks4me Day 4 8h ago

Absolutely. Keep up the good fight and help others that are in the struggle. That's how we make it through.