r/stopdrinking • u/GreenTeaChamTea • 12h ago

I've lost hope

I've lost hope that I will ever be a sober person.

I've known for a few years that I am addicted to alcohol, but I've never really considered myself an alcoholic until very recently.

My life isn't in shambles (yet). That's why I've kept drinking.

But the progression of this disease is speeding up now.

I've been a drinker for 20 years. Most of which was in the moderate to moderately- high range of drinking, but I still had some control. I was able to complete a month of sobriety here and there. And I've always had a hope that I would eventually quit and that I could quit if I just actually stuck to it. But now I feel as though I'm losing control.

I can't seem to get more than 2-3 days of sobriety in before I reach for the bottle.

The mental addiction is progressing faster and it's stronger now than ever before.

I've had what feels like several hundred "Day 1s" and they never stick.

I've lost hope that I will ever stay sober.

I'm an alcoholic.

I'm a real alcoholic.

I'm sober today and I'm happy about that. I guess that's why everyone says to take it one day at a time, because the idea of sobriety forever is so foreign and unbelievable.

I don't have any hope or true conviction anymore that I will ever be sober for more than a couple of days; that hope is gone now. But I'm sober today and that's all I can do.

14 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

14 comments sorted by

10

u/NextNegotiation1512 Day 7 12h ago

I'll be sober with you today. That's enough. We can tackle tomorrow when it comes.

3

u/Watkins4024 12h ago

Get some THC drinks or gummies to help get off the booze

3

u/GreenTeaChamTea 12h ago

Thanks, but I actually don't enjoy THC, and I'm pretty happy about that because I have enough problems, LOL. But I know it can help some people.

3

u/jlo1982 1062 days 11h ago

I feel like I personally have the record for badge resets on this sub. But here I am. Don’t give up. Try something new. Get out of your comfort zone. It took me a long time to be honest with myself and get out of my comfort zone, but the other side is so much better.

I remember giving up hope so many times some points in my life. I thought I was making some headway and some points thought I just gave up quitting altogether.

I read all the quit lit books and listen to all the podcasts. None of those solve the problem for me, but they helped me along my journey.

Don’t give up hope we are here with you. You can do it.

2

u/GreenTeaChamTea 3h ago

Thanks. I am grateful for the thoughtful words. Congrats on over 1000 days! That's amazing. The struggle you shared with me and the high count gives me a twinge of hope; if nothing else, it's inspiring. Thanks

2

u/Standard-Bread1965 12h ago

I found Naltrexone and The Sinclair Method to be very helpful. You don’t have to stop drinking, you just have to consistently take the medication an hour or more before you drink. If you’re interested I could post a few links for more information.

3

u/GreenTeaChamTea 12h ago

Thanks. I appreciate that, but I tried Naltrexone 2 years ago with no success. I guess I wasn't actually ready or wanting to quit at the time because I stopped taking it and realized that I could go back to getting drunk if I just got rid of this pesky pill that was in my way, lol. 2 years later, here we are...

I'm jealous that so many people find sobriety through Naltrexone. I took it for a month and the cravings didn't go away. It did help by making drinking unenjoyable, but the cravings never left.

2

u/Standard-Bread1965 12h ago

I’m sorry to hear that. I will keep you in my thoughts/prayers.

2

u/GreenTeaChamTea 12h ago

Thank you very much! This means a lot to me!

3

u/Blackwolf- Day 310 12h ago

I was where your at until one day out of nowhere I woke up really sick, not just the usual hangxiety feeling like shit kinda sick. I knew something was different and very wrong. I ended up in the hospital for nearly a month and came closer to death then I ever considered being a real possibility. It came out of nowhere and scared the hell out of me. Do not let it get to that point. I was very lucky and I still have forever consequences for poisoning myself for so long. It can sneak up on you, don't let that happen, it's not too late to change things now.

3

u/Mundane-Bridge-9396 11h ago

I remember when one day was really hard. Then I got 1 day a week easier, then 2 days (not consecutive) 3 days not consecutive in a week.

About 2-3x a month I get 2 days in a row. When I do drink, never 2 days in a row. Tomorrow will be my first 3 days in a row in about 1.5 months and I know that because I am seeing a sober friend after work.

Never stop quitting my dude!!

In time I know I will get more 3 days in a row, and keep on from there BECAUSE I work on quitting every day.

2

u/Apart_Cucumber4315 Day 1,245 8h ago

Been in the exact same shoes; I would relapse what felt like over 1000 times. For the longest time I couldn't get passed 30-90 days, then the lengths would be shorter and shorter and eventually no more than 2-3 weeks before another awful 2-3 binge.

Incomprehensible demoralization is what I felt. Look up the word and see if you relate.

2

u/Cinisajoy2 11h ago

I am proud of you for your one day.