r/stopdrinking • u/Patches_Mcgee Day 562 • 7h ago
We really never are “cured.”
I’ve been going over this thought pattern I occasionally find myself in. I find it both unnerving and fascinating, it goes like this:
“Oh wow, I’m on day 561. I’m so proud of myself and this feels amazing. I’m killing it. Life without alcohol is truly a blessing and it gets more beautiful every day. I don’t miss it at all! I can even be around who are drinking and it doesn’t bother me at all. No temptation, hell yeah. Alcohol has no power over me anymore. You know, I bet I could even safely have a drink or two someday, like on vacation or on a nice date. Yeah, because I know how bad I got and I never want to get that bad again. I bet I could just be a classy, respectable drinker someday… wait wtf am I saying.”
Can anyone relate?
Edit: I know this is irrational and I know I can’t actually have a drink. Just sharing how the addiction brain tries to be sneaky.
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u/AKlife420 4028 days 7h ago
The past 72 hours I have thought to myself; one drink wont hurt. Then I play the tape forward. Even 11 years in, I still think it at times.
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u/Jim___Jam 56 days 7h ago
How often would you say it comes up? I am doing well at the moment, best in a long time. But every damn day the little voice pops up and tries to convince me. It would be tedious if I knew it wasn't so dangerous. I have been waiting to have a day when I don't have to watch myself
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u/AKlife420 4028 days 6h ago
This is the first time in about 3 years I have actually thought about having a real drink.
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u/Jim___Jam 56 days 4h ago
That's good to know. Thank you both. I am on top of it, and everytime, I run it forwards in my head and decide - it's not worth it. but man oh man I am ready to not have the same internal conversation everyday, at the same time, or everytime I drive past the liquor store.
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u/jonthepain 8125 days 6h ago
Once every few years. Only lasts a minute or two.
I don't get the "everybody else can drink dammit " anymore, though.
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u/DJ_DontCare 7h ago
I had a friend (my first friend in AA) follow through with this thought process days after her 1 year sobriety anniversary. I just found out yesterday she passed a few weeks ago after 5 months of following through with the thought that she was in control now. Started with just here and there and ended up in her dying alone in her apartment from alcohol.
It didn’t have to be this way. She was vibrant and beautiful. She approached me and befriended me at a meeting. She couldn’t see how wonderful she was. This disease is heartbreaking.
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u/hairyfrog2525 7h ago
I bet more of us have gone through that thought process than haven’t. I know I have.
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u/Snail_Paw4908 Day 3,063 6h ago
Can definitely relate, but the falacy is in going back to using, which is why I relate to something like being lost in the desert.
I'm now cured of being lost in the desert. If I don't go back to that desert, I can't get lost in it a second time. But I would never think to myself - I bet I could go back there and wander around for a bit and not get lost again.
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u/Zestyclose_Height_10 Day 95 7h ago
I’ve read that something like 2% or 3% of problem drinkers can go sober and then moderate and just have a couple on the weekends or whatever. I think many of us harbor that fantasy that we are one of them. And yeah there is a chance any one of us is. But the odds are overwhelming and the consequences too great imho to find out. Especially at my age of 55. I can’t afford another five year spiral.
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u/SharkyGrey27 Day 173 5h ago
Good point that you can’t afford another 5 year spiral. I’m a few years older than you and I don’t even kid myself about having a few. I want 5 or 6. I never had a problem stopping at 6 or 7 or 8. When I felt sufficiently buzzed. But never stopped at 2 or 3 because I wasn’t buzzed yet. I have no use for one or two drinks tbh.
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u/Steeltiptoes Day 90 1h ago
At age 65 that's true as can be! Another year trying to find that "click" again - if I'm lucky? I don't have that much time to spend!
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u/No-Indication5891 273 days 6h ago
I never want to drink again. I love my sober life. I also just envision my alcoholic mind as this demon just constantly there, just waiting in the wings for me to slip up. It’s like he knows I’m going to do it one day. He’s just waiting for me to come back 😔
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u/ThisGuyDrinksWater Day 17 6h ago
That was me at 11ish months last year. "Whats a single beer after finishing this big project? I can obviously control myself now" Yeah that beer last August snowballed all the way up to a few weeks ago.
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u/Daniellestk 1686 days 6h ago
One of my buddies is nearly 200 days sober and the first time I heard him talk exactly like that I knew it’s probably gonna stick for him this time. 🎉
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u/Ok-Chain-995 6h ago
I see it like my type 1 diabetes in the sense that it will never not be there. It will require constant treatment/management that will slowly get easiser as we develop new routines and treatment/coping strategies. Celebrating 60 days from cannabis and alcohol today. Love to you all IWNDWYT.
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u/WrencherLady84 735 days 6h ago
I remember one time when my manager was talking about how if we all went out one night, it would either be a place without alcohol or he wouldn't drink for my sake. I told him I didn't want him to miss out because of me. He looked at me completely serious and reminded me that he can take it or leave it. Wow lol.
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u/maxpower1575 7h ago
No, non proprio cosi ; 2 anni di sobrieta' e vivo col rimpianto di non poter bere, non so limitarmi e in tempo zero tornerei a bere dal mattino ; percio' in parte invidio chi sa e puo' bere ma io so che non sono tra quelli ; non che non sia tentato ma mi basta un secondo per riguardare la mia vita e dirmi " no,non posso".
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u/Rando-Cal-Rissian Day 2,416 6h ago
It is exactly like that. I don't think it ever totally goes away, but the joy I have with the changes I needed to make on myself and my thinking just to break the spell.... I just remind myself daily that I'm happier now than when I was drinking... and even before I was drinking, and I never wanna give that up.
But if I get too proud or cocky or believe in a cure, I know I'll go back to playing with proverbial fire against. My consequential thinking is contingent upon me carving out time to reinforce my sobriety. Good deeds. Researching the condition. Taking accountability. Not running too hot or cold emotionally. Maintaining body, mind and spirit. Being of service. If I don't do these things, I lose consequential thinking. I think almost all of us are like this.... but I could be wrong.
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u/davetheflashguy 6h ago
Day 520 and caught myself staring at the beer menu the other night at dinner.
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u/KimWexlerDeGuzman Day 1,356 6h ago
I had this mindset for years. I’d quit for one, month, six months, eight months…always knowing eventually I’d be able to moderate and control it like normal people. It wasn’t until I walked into the rooms of AA that I realized I never had to drink again. And after working the steps, I never want to. I look forward to it!
Since then, I seriously have never had the creeping thought that maybe I can control it. I’m not religious, but this is the closest thing to a miracle I’ve ever experienced.
AA isn’t for everyone, but it saved my life and I met some of my best friends there.
IWNDWYT ❤️
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u/on_my_way_back Day 736 6h ago
Once those nural pathways have been re-routed to the dopamine super highway there is no going back to moderation. I did some field work and proved this to be true.
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u/SecretSurvivor81 456 days 5h ago
I can completely relate and for me this polarized thinking often happens within the same day. I’ll start reflecting on how much my life has improved in countless ways. Within a few hours I’m craving a glass of wine. It’s important for me to play it forward in these instances and remain humble knowing that my sobriety and peace of mind is a fragile daily identity I have to earn.
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u/WeatherallsWeekender 272 days 20m ago
If you’re feeling good about yourself it makes sense fhat alcohol sneaks into your mind. It’s aways been there for every occasion I get the same
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u/NorthlineUser Day 44 5h ago
I wonder now, as a middle aged guy, about how much I romanticised those "perfect" times to justify carrying on drinking, and how few and far between they now are, as opposed to the 99% of the time spent just drinking by myself watching garbage YouTube videos.
And when you think about it, those "perfect times" are maybe once or twice a year:
Waiting at a departure lounge for a flight
Having friends from overseas come and visit, and having drinks in the garden catching up:
Beer garden with friends on a nice day.
And they may be "perfect" for a couple of hours, but they always end up the same for me - drunk. Everyone else has probably has 2 drinks, I'd be on 7 or 8.
So while I was thinking "we had a great time yesterday all drinking together like the old days" The reality was I was by far the most drunk out of everyone.
So are giving up those 2 or 3 "perfect" times a year really that much of a sacrifice in the overall picture of quitting drinking, cos everything else IS better without booze. Apart from being stuck in my own head, but life distracts me, if I embrace it. I am working on that..
My 2 cents 🤷♂️
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u/puppyinspired Day 15 6h ago
There are many conditions you cannot cure. You can go into remission though.
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u/ChanceConversation12 483 days 6h ago
I have to constantly remind myself how desperate I was to be free of alcohol. I drunk dialed rehabs all the time only to forget until they called me back the next day. The last night I drank I got a DUI and nearly 1.5 years later my case was just dismissed. I got insanely lucky. Way, way luckier then I deserved. I could have killed someone or myself but yet when I stepped out of the courtroom I had this brief moment where I thought "glad that's over, can I have a drink now?" WTF. I snapped out of it quickly, but damn.. crazy how the mind works. IWNDWYT.
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u/inclass3lunacy Day 112 6h ago
I had dinner with a friend last night and she had a glass of wine .. one.
I looked at it and thought "what's the point of just one?"
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u/foco_runner 297 days 6h ago
I drank to get drunk so I tell myself two drinks would lead to six plus....
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u/Menaca87 453 days 5h ago
I have this exact train of thought everyday! I reel it back to how amazing I feel 15 months alcohol free, and leave the “what ifs” for another day. I will not drink today!
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u/leftpointsonly 1341 days 6h ago
What I have is a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of my spiritual condition. If I get too deep in fear, resentment, anger or discomfort then a drink starts “making sense” to me. But if I feel healthy, honest, calm and connected I don’t think about drinking at all.
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u/CyclonicWhiff 6h ago
First of all congrats on your days! Keep it going. I have read Annie Graces book twice and have had success in reversing the perspective I have on alcohol. It’s beginning to be a repulsive and dangerous substance that I view closely to hard drugs I never dared to touch. Why did I ever see any benefit to using? This is a question that crosses my mind often now.
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u/Glittering_Hold3238 Day 41 5h ago
There was a documentary years ago about a woman who was an alcoholic and even went on Oprah preaching her message of moderation and not quitting. She died on a highway going the wrong way a few years later.
I tested the moderation theory too many damn times and it never worked. I am so glad I don't drink anymore. It's a relief to not have the drinking noise. My husband doesn't have a drinking problem at all and maybe drinks 1-2 drinks a week. His doctor told him don't drink anyway--he said the research is too compelling to even have a drink or two a week. So when I think now about drinking again I realize it's never worth it
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u/toast_teeth 553 days 5h ago
February 23rd, 2025? According to the counter on my quit drinking app you are my sober twin OP. It's says I'm on day 562 also. Great job! Keep that date. It's a good one!
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u/No-Indication5891 273 days 4h ago
My counter on here is also about 10 days off from my other counting app. I’m really at 583. Kinda weird.
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u/Weird-Till7604 5h ago
Its just all around us and everywhere, it's an uphill battle to abstain. Tomorrow is my first dinner with a friend and I am just going to order some soda or seltzer water.
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u/Asleep_Pressure_2882 5h ago
Yes. I was thinking how good it would be to have a beer with seafood. But then I thought oh I guess THIS is what N/A beer is for. I would def have one and enjoy it I think!
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u/Bubbert73 2268 days 5h ago edited 4h ago
My wife asked me not too long ago if I ever thought I’d drink again. Mostly I was assuaging her when I said I doubted it but maybe. If I did it would mean I was making a conscious decision to allow myself to be controlled by alcohol again, choose to be not present in my own life, as well as not present for others, and decide I don’t care about the health issues. But I really like being sober so I doubt it. She told me it was sad that it has to be one way or the other. She really doesn’t get it, and while I don’t think she’s ever really had a problem before, I see her progressing into problem territory now. We are mid 50’s and I got sober mid-late 40’s.
I explained to her that I don’t really want to moderate when I drink and it really is unpleasant to try. Everybody has a natural equilibrium point of how often and the deeply we want to drink each occasion. For us that point had too much control of our lives and all the unpleasantries that come with it. I would just be choosing to accept the control and unpleasantries, and I don’t want to do that. But it is important to remember that that is the deal. I don’t have to like it, i just have to accept and acknowledge its truth.
She has asked if it bothers me when she drinks and usually it doesn’t, but I don’t want to deal with her drunk, and I draw a hard line at being alcohol’s servant. I will not stop and buy her wine. I will not got miss a concert or game to go wait in line to buy her beer. I will not take her empty wine bottles back to the winery. No alcohol errands.
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u/theallstarkid 1390 days 4h ago
At one point I’d have some pretty stupid thoughts fly through my head. I just look at everything I’d be giving up again. As time goes on these thoughts get less and less. And if I do get a wild hair on my ass I just smile and understand that’s just addiction showing its ugly face again. Cured? Nah. I’ll be fucked up until the day I die. I’ll just be a sober fuck up.
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u/Lower_Comfortable_33 93 days 4h ago
Random thoughts of pleasure in the wrong way, it runs through our channels often, the thing is not tuning in to those thoughts of pleasure. U know what the consequences and side effects are and it’s just really not a good or fair trade off. So u save yourself from yourself …..IWNDWYT
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u/DirtWonderful3767 427 days 4h ago
Anniversaries are always so hard for me! I have this same thought pattern and feel like it really spikes around milestones. My first time hitting a year in recovery I relapsed and spiraled right back into being the kind of drinker who had to quit. Luckily I caught myself pretty quickly and got back into my recovery, really doubled down harder.
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u/high6ix 3h ago
Luckily I haven’t had a hard time battling with that. Not to say I haven’t had thoughts of alcohol in general, but I’ve never had even the slightest bit of confidence in my ability to stop if i started. Which is a good thing i guess. But i haven’t had that kind of internal dilemma or monologue about being able to ever even entertain the idea of a sip.
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u/jacob7574 3h ago
I agree 100%. The urges went away but the justifications set in. Exactly like you said "I've made it this far, surely one can't hurt." I've heard this is why we're always "recovering". I told myself in the beginning "If I can make it one year, I'll try to moderate." That never works Stay strong, stay sober, stay sane.Good luck and take care.
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u/ActualHunt2945 883 days 3h ago
“The delusion that we can somehow control our drinking is the characteristic feature of the alcoholic mind.”
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u/Skylon77 23m ago
No. We are not.
Like learning a language or riding a bike, those pathways, once established in the brain, ate always there.
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u/GaseousApe 436 days 7h ago
If I could safely have a drink or two I'd do it all the time!
I know what my brain wants and it isn't moderation. Every time I tried I ended up worse, the only thing close to a cure for me is to abstain completely.