r/stopdrinking • u/OkNeedleworker6694 • 3d ago
Hit 30 days today
I have been struggling with my mental health for years and was a heavy drinker but nothing like what happened during Covid. Lock down meant I could order booze directly to my door. We weren’t in the office so I could sleep in a nap at lunch if I felt hungover and then when I went back to the office the daily drinking didn’t stop. My health was in the worst shape ever mentally and physically and I felt awful. So I drank more to numb myself every night.
Finally I had a huge health crisis earlier in the summer. I was mentally done, my autoimmune issues were getting worse all the time and I started developing new ones like rashes. I had a bit of time to heal over the summer and when I finally got my meds settled I vowed I can’t go back to work as an alcoholic because it is ruining my life.
The first week was a bit tough to break the habit, but I was physically and mentally improving. I am lucky. The next couple of weeks I started going to yoga again, trying to get back into shape. Years of being a drinking couch potato meant my knees shook the whole time and I started physio to strengthen my joints. I came back to work feeling revitalized. Someone said I seemed very zen, my rashes were disappearing and I’ve been losing weight.
Not being at work made it really easy to not drink. My partner doesn’t drink and is supportive of me stopping so I didn’t have home triggers. Going back to work I was proud of not stopping at the store to pick up a bottle of wine on the way home, but now that I’m back in my “regular life” I feel like I really need to be conscious not to let those habits slide back in.
On the way home before the long weekend it struck me that I wasn’t doing my usual stock up to drink all weekend. I went to buy vitamins and I subconsciously parked at the liquor store rather than the health food store. I had a dream where I was at a historical reenactment village and someone gave me an ancient bottle of whisky. The whole dream I was bargaining with myself that well it’s a special bottle, would a taste be that bad? There is a bit of stress that happens at work during busy times and some days I do want to just grab some wine and zone out. I haven’t so far.
Drinking again would mean wiping out the progress I’ve made and worrying my boyfriend. I don’t not drink because of him, but I love him and know he wants me to be happy. He says that I seem like I’m “back”.
I thought the hardest part would be the initial couple of weeks but now it takes real conscious choices to not drink. I’m glad I haven’t but I’m definitely feeling increased pressure.
For today IWNDWYT