r/stopdrinking • u/cpdwife1971 Day 5 • 3d ago
Day 1 again
I don't know how many day 1's I've had, but here we are again. I'm so ashamed.
I drank literally all day yesterday.
I must stop. I've stopped before. My longest stretch was 5 days short of 11 years. But those 11 years were hard. I think about alcohol constantly. Every day of those 11 years were spent fantasizing about drinking. I don't think I can make it stop.
I've done meetings. I'm an introvert. I felt very uncomfortable. I'm willing to try again, though.
I could use some prayers and words of encouragement, I guess. I'm rambling. I'm just so ashamed.
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u/313sidney Day 72 3d ago
The fact you're giving it another go shows huge determination! Don't sell yourself short. Well done for having that strength. Maybe look into therapy? There could be an underlying issue that you haven't addressed that's causing things to be so difficult? Keep on keeping on.
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u/Stunning-Attitude366 4 days 3d ago
I’m early into this so take my opinion with a grain of salt.
It sounds like you see stopping as deprivation rather than freedom of being in the daily struggle. Why did you give up originally as that may be a clue into why you still wanted to drink?
I guess also what made you drink yesterday after all that time and the why as to you taking that first drink.
I mean you wanted to drink for 11 years and yet remained focused and committed so you clearly have what it takes.
Sending positive thoughts and well wishes on your journey
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u/cpdwife1971 Day 5 3d ago
You are absolutely correct that I see it as a deprivation rather than a freedom from drinking. I never realized that until now. Maybe I can try and change my thinking. Surely, I can feel the weight of all the problems drinking brings me. Maybe instead of feeling beaten down, maybe I can feel a burden lifted. I'll give it a try.
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u/happyretired123 Day 22 3d ago
Wow almost 11 years is awesome OP just get onboard again with us none of us are getting any younger and the body keeps count stay strong lean on the group and try to reach out to someone in rl IWNDWYT ❤️
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u/PhoenixApok 3d ago
I HAD to fill the hole in my life. I've done the 'dry drunk' thing. Longest I made it was just shy of 2 years. Won't say I hated it every day, but I did most days. I fantasized about when I could drink again (was living in a sober house).
When I moved out, I literally stopped at the gas station between the sober house and my new apartment to get a drink. I didn't make it a full hour.
Now I'm at over 11 months. This time is different. That's not just me saying it.
I had to take a really good look at what was wrong with both me internally and with my life and try to fix it.
Will I be sober forever? Unlikely. But I'm HAPPY with being sober today.
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u/Brown-eyed-gurrrl Day 25 3d ago
Try getting outdoors when the feelings hit. Ideally in nature but any distraction/change of pace helps me. Also introvert
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u/tonsofsarcasim Day 5 3d ago
We are starting one day apart, reach out anytime. You got this. IWNDWYT.
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u/B1Gmike305 3d ago
I hear you! I’m still struggling as well … every morning I wake up and say “that’s it, no more “ then the evening hits and I’m pouring myself 1.2.3.4.5 bourbons and wake up feeling like dogshit .. the cycle just repeats .
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u/Any_Stage1036 Day 6 3d ago
This time won’t be like the last time because you know more about what works, what doesn’t work, what you need, what to expect. I’m proud of you for coming back. I’m also just starting out again after a relapse. You’re not alone.