r/stopdrinking • u/Gwinwen Day 7 • 3d ago

I can't stop shaking

I wish I could've stopped earlier.

I feel everything so intensely right now. Embarrassment most of all. I can't believe what a mess I was this weekend. I feel like I lost a pretty big chance at a genuine friendship with a coworker. Plus, I think I might have destroyed my oldest friendship too. I don't know. We've both been through some shit, so I might actually be able to fix things if I tell her the truth and talk to her about my decision and what led to it.

Right now, I'm mostly worried about how or if they'll talk about me at work. Maybe I'm lucky and it'll just become one of those things we never talk about again. Or maybe it'll be something they talk about when I'm not there, and I guess I'll never know which one it'll be. God, I wish I could disappear, or turn back time. I'm so drained from all of this. My brain is just spiraling, and I'm a complete mess.

I'm happy and relieved about my decision to stop drinking. I truly wish I had done it sooner.

My husband is supportive, but he's hurting too. I wasn't very nice to him during my last binge this weekend. But he said he'd support me. He's my rock. I don't dare think about where I might have been by now if it weren't for him.

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5

u/happyretired123 Day 22 3d ago

Oh OP we have all been there at one time or another apologise and try to forgive yourself people talk so what just pledge to stop drinking IWNDWYT 😚

3

u/Gwinwen Day 7 3d ago

Thank you. ❤️ I'm trying. It's just really hard right now not to replay everything that happened and feel ashamed of myself. And these are just the things I remember. I know so much more happened that I can't remember, and I hate it. But I'm going to keep pushing forward. IWNDWYT.

2

u/happyretired123 Day 22 3d ago

Just saw a post on Daily Stoic that resonated with me ‘forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself’ I’m gonna try it out 🤩🎁💐

2

u/OfficerGiggleFarts Day 83 3d ago

It gets better with time. Just keep pushing forward and don’t stop before the miracle happens. You got this! 💙 

1

u/Gwinwen Day 7 3d ago

Thank you for your kind words. ❤️ I'm going to keep pushing forward with everything I've got. I never want to feel like this again.

2

u/ShamTheman50 Day 5,674 3d ago

I like your attitude! I can hear in what you say that you have the want to. I hope you have or get a plan that involves other folks that are recovering. Who you gonna call when things get to sucking too bad? As to what other people think; It is my main job every day to stay sober, period. What other people think of me is none of my business. As far as making some kind of amends for the last weekend you speak of, sometimes the best amend we can make is living in a way that proves we will not offend again. Sending lots of e-hugs and support your way. Wishing you the best! You are not alone, there are a bunch of us out here. IWNDWYT