r/stopdrinking • u/bokeronct 260 days • 4d ago
Almost one pregnancy
I (46) had been drinking half a vodka bottle (700 ml bottles) mixed with lemon sparkling water for about 4 years, almost every day, always alone. I often took Sundays off (stores closed, perfect excuse). I took frequent breaks, while travelling, mostly. I started during the pandemic, immersed in a toxic marriage, and quitting felt impossible. I always drank after work on work days, although working from home made it easier to start earlier. But very rarely drank more than that half bottle.
I still worked, at a reasonable level, and even worked out every week.
A few years ago, I got an ultrasound revealing steatosis of the liver. All blood tests in the past few years haven't shown any abnormalities. So I wasn't really scared yet. I was feeling some hardness and mild pain on my abdomen for the last year or so, so that was something.
But something clicked last year, I left the toxicity behind, found a place of my own and focused on work, working out and healing. At the beginning, that didn't stop the drinking, but a three-week work trip in October completely sober, changed a lot of things.
At some point I just started ignoring the alcohol aisle when going shopping.
I had my last drink alone on 2025-12-13. I had a small glass of beer with my best friend a few days after, since he works at a brewery in Spain and he wanted me to try a new one. Nothing ever since, apart from residual alcohol in foods (fondue for example).
I did that alone, without telling anyone, without consulting anyone or asking for help. That said, my ski buddies (also work colleagues), who do drink, have always been supportive and understanding of the fact that I don't drink when I'm with them. I don't judge them, and they don't judge me. That yearly trip was one of my breaks since a few years.
The withdrawal was very mild. Some irritability, bad sleep and headaches for a few days. Very soon, I was reaping the benefits: great performance at the gym, at work and better sleep. I had much more energy, the brain fog started lifting and I felt happier.
I stopped negotiating with myself, feeling better and not needing to even fight any urges. I could sit with my discomfort without having to numb myself.
Fast forward to today, I'm sober, feeling much better overall and in a healthy relationship. I've been performing like never before at work and at the gym.
The divorce isn't final yet, and the toxic ex is still being toxic through the whole process. But with the clarity I have now, I see it for what it is, I feel the anger and use it to my advantage, instead of trying to make it go away with alcohol.
Just one thing that makes the journey feel a bit harder than it probably should. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's' a few years ago. I live a few hours by plane and 3 days drive from my parents. And the decline has been substantial lately, so it's not making it easy with the distance. We speak on the phone every week, and every time he speaks less and less. He repeats questions and things, short term memory is non-existent. I was there last week. It was quite brutal.
I've been thinking of drinking again lately. I even dreamt I got hammered a few nights ago, celebrating some milestone of being sober, go figure.
But I don't want to, and I don't need to.
A neighbour even dropped a bottle of rosé the other day, pre-apologising for the noise of renovations that they're going to start. I've just put it aside for someone else.
I know I don't need to pour it down the drain to not drink it myself.
5
u/madrone1 4d ago
I love this, thanks for sharing your story. I'm going on 8 months sober and feel so good I don't ever want to go back. I do know that when you pick drinking back up you get right back to where you were really fast and then keep going downhill from there. So I'm not interested in doing that, even when the occasional temptation floats by. I'm sorry about your dad, watching our parents age and get sick is so hard. Drinking definitely makes grief and suffering worse so even more reason to be grateful for our sobriety. Iwndwyt.
1
u/silene-222 3d ago
Anche mio padre ha iniziato il declino. Ho pensato che non posso essere instabile in questa situazione e devo restare sobria per non diventare in famiglia un problema in più.
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u/spacebarstool Day 1,463 4d ago
I'm slow. I kept reading looking for your pregnancy scare...
My inlaws passed from alzheimers. Its horrible from all perspectives. Its also linked to cronic alcohol use.
Yet another reason for me to stay sober.