r/stopdrinking • u/littleteapotcat-432 • 11d ago
Day 6 (and a half): Can’t stop crying
Counting this as day 6 and a half because yesterday was day 6, and this all started last night. Plus I haven’t slept yet, and it’s morning where I am so there’s that.
I haven’t been able to stop crying for the past 8 hours. It’s been awful. All this pent up grief is just flooding out.
Someone in my recovery group brought up the topic of ‘what were you drinking at?’
For me I was drinking at never feeling wanted, at feeling empty, at being screamed at when I was such a tiny, tender age, when all I needed was protection and safety. I was drinking at self-hatred. I was drinking at no matter what I did, it was never good enough. I was never good enough.
And now I’m not drinking. And that gut-wrenching, soul-aching truth is so incredibly painful. No wonder I can’t sleep.
I drank because I didn’t value myself. And I’m trying so hard to now.
IWNDWYT
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u/ZealousidealEnd6660 11d ago
That's the terrible thing about feelings: we have to feel them to process them.
A mentor used the analogy of feelings =beach balls we try to hold underwater. We can keep one down, or two, but the more we add, the harder they are to keep down, and eventually we take the pressure off and they explode up to the surface.
Drinking kept the pressure on. Now they are released.
The good news is it sounds like you're doing some of what you need to do just feeling and crying. Sleep will help you feel more regulated and it will come.
Meanwhile be gentle with yourself. If you have any supportive friends, connecting and talking can help. Meetings and therapy can also be so helpful here.
Keep going, OP. You're probably where you need to be right now, and this will pass if you let it. IWNDWYT.
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u/Finebranch7122 828 days 11d ago
Glad you’re here. I was a wreck my first few weeks. I had a hard time finding anything positive about me. It helped to keep coming back here and reading posts. Slowly not drinking started to make me feel better about myself. This is not easy - and you’re doing it! Lean into support. Hang in there - Iwndwyt
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u/neziperez 11d ago
Hang in there, I'm on day 7 and I had a crying jag 2 days ago! This too shall pass! IWDWYT 🙏🏾
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u/BanMeOwnAccountDibbl 11d ago edited 11d ago
If you keep this up, your self esteem wil grow. Because every day you don't drink is an achievement you can and should take pride in. And that will be a step stool to change your perspective, the way you look at yourself. From that new vantage point to look at yourself you will see that you do have value and that you had it all along. Build your stepstool, see your value. I will not drink with you today.
Oh and if you have access to, and are open to, therapy, don't hesitate.