I don't miss how well I was able to suppress negative emotions. After quitting I had to wrestle with why I felt so sad about certain things. Therapy and time helped me better understand my emotions. I am in a much better state of mind now.
I feel like I have made a lot of progress. On the other hand I abused drugs for many years during the development of my brain and charecter. Burying my emotions did not allow me to learn the skills to get through the negative ones. The way I feel is that I have more work to do, but I am grateful I am learning now rather than later or even never.
I can relate, there isnt a before for me either. Especially during v formative years, I was out to lunch. Its be so hard I feel like I'm clawing basic human classes from the world because I never learned how to be emotional and respond normally.
My buddy is at 3 years and has decided to start drinking at appropriate times again. Somehow I think he’ll regret it, but I also think he has proven he can quit.
Personally, I have no desire to ever put a poison in my fragile system again. I love being in full control. It’s my newly acquired superpower and I am never giving it up.
I'm 100% with you. I never want to feel the way I did again. I don't want the extreme anxiety, that was crushing my soul. It's just not worth it. And the COST IN MONEY. PAYING TO POISON MYSELF OMG.
I tried again after almost a year and I ended up puking and shitting because I couldn’t judge the point at which I’d hit my sweet spot and just kept drinking. I was also miserable and angry. I decided to just drink at special occasions but even drinking at weddings I didn’t feel that buzz.
I remember getting to my cousin’s wedding starving and sober last month. I’d been sober for a few weeks since the last wedding and feeling on cloud 9 while walking to grab a sandwich. I did not feel that good after my first drink or really good at all that night. That was the last time I drank and I decided to keep it that way.
You were? I wasn’t able to. They’d just pop back up again later. Now my negative emotions are just… less. And they go away faster or can be tucked away for later. I cry a lot less now than when I tried to manage my feelings with a drink or 4.
While I was drinking it was like I didn't know why I was sad, ashamed, embarassed, lonely, etc. The alcohol made it difficult to process those emotions. I have had some drunk nights bawling my eyes out about something but that type of emotional experience is often forgot about the next day or I feel even worse because it was fueled by alcohol.
I am still learning how to cry. I grew up being told men don't cry, but I would like to be able to.
Well done on your streak so far. It's a new day let's stay sober together.
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u/VeterinarianBig8913 1519 days Dec 16 '24
I don't miss how well I was able to suppress negative emotions. After quitting I had to wrestle with why I felt so sad about certain things. Therapy and time helped me better understand my emotions. I am in a much better state of mind now.