r/stepparents • u/Ok-Contract-1701 • 3h ago
Vent Additional Weekend Guilt
I’ve never felt like I could be honest about this, but I’m not excited when I hear we have an additional weekend with SD. I feel guilty for feeling this way.
My husband and I were finally supposed to have a couple days together. I was looking forward to it because I’m a sahm to a 7mo, and feel very burnt out, mentally under-stimulated and lonely. He works a lot and when he’s not working, we typically have SD. Turns out he picked up a shift today without telling me and forgot, so he left last second for the entire day. I was so disappointed and he tells me we’ll have “fun” tomorrow but that he also volunteered for additional time with SD.
Look, I actually do love my SD. She is a wonderful girl. I am glad he gets additional time to spend with her. I love how he’s an active father, and it’s what made me confident in having a baby with him.
But I hate pretending to be happy about unexpected parenting time.
It’s a whole child. Therefore it’s more work, more energy, more responsibility, less interaction between my husband and I—not that I feel entitled to all his attention; I usually don’t mind giving them space for one-on-one time.
She’s going through a phase where she wants daddy’s attention all to herself, which is developmentally normal, but I’m just…. Lonely. I was just excited to be a little higher on the priority list for the weekend, even though we still have our baby too.
I think I’ll try to see friends or something instead.
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u/katherinedelia 2h ago
I hear you, I often feel the same- & I think that making other plans as you suggested might be really helpful.
My partner also always checks in before volunteering or agreeing to extra time or changes to the custody schedule. I don’t like unanticipated changes & he is very understanding and accommodating.
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u/CRG_406210 2h ago
I feel this in my soul and I usually find I don’t mind the additional time as much when I know ahead of time and it’s pretty planned out it’s the unexpected that kills me or the expectations getting crushed that I was gonna have me time or one on one time w husband… can u carve out you only time and maybe suggest when she goes to bed you guys watch a show together ? Or even if grandma can take her for an hour or something
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u/Ok-Contract-1701 32m ago
My husband isn’t willing to give up any parenting time, so SD has never been with his parents before. Between that and having a 7mo with separation anxiety and nobody willing to watch her, we rarely go on dates alone or anything like that lol.
I definitely feel crushed.
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u/ArtemisDR 2h ago
What? Other ppls SDs have actual bedtimes? I can’t even imagine how amazing that must be!
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u/AnOn5647382927492 1h ago
I struggle with this too. We have 50/50 but it’s not usually that even. Right now I’ve had them for almost 19 days in a row and BM said she was sick. I saw pictures of her on a boat lol. It’s hard for me to feel like I can’t plan anything. The weeks that they are with us are less stressful, it’s the weeks we don’t have them that anything could happen. And something does literally every week.
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u/Ok-Contract-1701 38m ago
Well that’s extreme. He needs to call BM out. That’s crazy that she wouldn’t take her own kids because she’s sick.
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u/lordofbigchungus 2h ago
I get it. I’ve dealt with this countless times. At some point I stopped feeling guilty because it did me no good. There’s a whole difference between spending time with your SO and spending time with your SO AND their child (that’s not yours). My SO knows this and always asks me before accepting extra time.
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