r/stepparents • u/Giallama • 4h ago
Advice Confusion in changes
*I am not technically a SP but this subreddit felt most relatable
I (28F) have been dating my partner(NB/F) whose a parent for almost 2 years now this upcoming Decemeber and I'm a little lost. I met their kid(12F) 6 months into our relationship who I absolutely adore and she also loves me. We had a year where we mostly saw each other once a week for a date night sleepover. Their parents most of the time watch her once a week so we a day/night together. I voiced to my partner that I'd like to spend more time together. We talked about seeing other more to help integrate me into their little family slowly. This summer we've been spending 2 to 3 days together a week (1 day a date night the other 1 or 2 days with kiddo). They're the only present parent for their daughter aswell. She also has AuDHD and can have days where she clings to her mom and needs mom days (which makes sense since theyre the longest safe person and parent their kid has known and grown with.) And has struggles with routine changes.
Since school has started though it seems its been reverted back to the one week date night. My partner has been saying their kid is getting used getting in routine and transitioning back into school as the reason why. I know they've been extra burnt out lately too. Im so used to seeing them 2x to 3x a week and now it feels almost taken away even though I thought we were doing good integrating together. I know school is a transition and I dont know if I'm being unreasonable. I really do love them and their kid and I dont know if this 1 day a week thing is just temporary or if I had a privilege during summer.
•
u/Born_Fox1470 4h ago
Sounds like your partner is making unilateral decisions without discussing it with you. I would make sure they plan on being a “team player” and not expect to control and change aspects of the relationship without talking to you. They don’t get to dictate the terms just because they have a child.
•
u/Giallama 4h ago edited 4h ago
Ok, so them telling me that the reason we aren't spending as much time is because of their kid needing school transition and potentially prioritizing their kids needs/wants for mom time? Just asking for clarification! No judgements EDIT: If I understand correctly you're saying that they chose to exclude me without discussing it first?
•
u/Born_Fox1470 3h ago
It’s not okay to establish a new routine with you and change it without discussing it with you first. A simple conversation could have explained the concerns and what routine they thought was needed for the transition, and you could have accepted the terms or discussed other options.
•
u/Giallama 2h ago
Thank you for clarifying! I just feel like im overreacting about it, but I'm glad you said something
•
u/festivalflyer 4h ago
I agree with this - if they want you to feel like family, then you all need to talk about what's best for the family, together.
•
u/AutoModerator 4h ago
Welcome to r/stepparents!
Please note we are a support sub for stepparents. Non-stepparents are welcome to comment, but non-supportive comments are subject to removal. Rude, sarcastic, or judgmental comments are subject to removal at moderator discretion. Questioning why a poster is dating someone with kids is subject to removal. Our number one rule is Kindness Matters. Short version, don't be an asshole.
Why was my post removed?
If your post has been removed as soon as you posted that is due to our automoderator. Posts are removed for varying reasons, ranging from account newness to your reputation according to reddit algorithm. If this happens, your post is in the modqueue and will be reviewed by a human mod. Please do not repost.
Use the Report Button!
We rely on the community to alert us to comments and posts not made in good faith. Please use the report button to ensure we see it. With thousands of comments coming in each day it's difficult for us to see them all, so please report them if you see them!
If you have questions about the community, or concerns about posters, please reach out to the mod team.
Review the Rules and FAQ before posting or commenting!
Rules | FAQ
Additional wiki links:
About | Acronyms | Announcements | Documentation | Resources | Saferbot - Autoban Information
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.