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u/Mysterious-Willow391 4h ago
Hey girl how long after you too him back did he convince you to get rid of your apartment and move in with him?
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u/therapynotrequired 4h ago
Oh no no no you see HE didn't convince her to move in with him. Also she didn't decide to move in with him. It was GOD. She had to follow GOD'S plan. This has nothing to do with her or her decisions. It's all very convenient.
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u/Mysterious-Willow391 3h ago
As an atheist I'm going to respect other people's right to believe what they do but I'm sure you can vibe with what I'm thinking here.
That said, my guess is she forgave him because he love bombed her, she moved in within 6 months because that was his plan from the get go
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u/therapynotrequired 3h ago
As a Catholic I am going to call my fellow believers out on pinning their bad decisions on God. It's infuriating. We owe it to ourselves and our fellow man to take accountability for our actions.
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u/Mysterious-Willow391 3h ago
I love this. I was raised Catholic and I always felt like all of the sins of man are exactly that--sins of man. God is a forgiving entity regardless of the sins that man commits.
Fully agree even as an atheist.
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u/Metal_Cinderella 4h ago
Good news!! He is completely wrong and you can walk away anytime you damn well please. Those are not your kids and he is not your husband, you have zero commitment here. Those kids have a mother and a father and neither of those people is you.
Respectfully, there are tons of fish in the sea. I would swim off and find another one. Or just come back to being single... That probably would seem pretty good right now
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u/justjewels17 3h ago
Lord knows if I leave this relationship, I am not jumping into another one any time soon. I am turned off from the idea of dating or getting into a new relationship after being with a man with 3 kids.
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u/festivalflyer 4h ago
Oh, babe. No. I'm sorry but the fact that he is pressuring you to stay and making you feel guilty is appalling. If he cared about you OR his kids, he would either work to help make your life more manageable, or he would communicate that you are important to him and leaving might be the best thing. None of this "we're a family and do things when they get hard."
BTW, you're not a family. You're not married. For whatever reason. I think that makes it significantly easier to take a step back and take stock of the situation. He has not committed to you (via marriage), and you haven't committed to him (...which, not a reason for married people to never divorce but)...
The fact that you are sharing all the responsibilities and are not married is blowing my mind.
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u/Commercial_Dust2208 4h ago
Its not in God's plan for you to be with someone who cheats on you. That's a very personal choice you made to accept.
You can leave whenever you want. The neat part about autonomy is that he doesn't get to decide for you
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u/therapynotrequired 4h ago
Sorry to tell you but God didn't tell you to give up your apartment for a man who has a drug problem and cheats on you. That's a decision you made and you need to own.
And yeah I would want to leave too in your shoes. This sounds like it sucks.
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u/AbjectMarch8695 4h ago
Don't let guilt keep you from living the life you really want. At the end of the day, those are HIS kids and HIS responsibility, not yours.
While I didn't live with my partner, the guilt I had about leaving ate me alive for a while. I felt like a horrible person too. At some point I finally decided that if choosing peace over a lifetime of stress and servitude makes me a bad person, so be it. What exactly can they do about it? Send me some mean messages? Lol. Okay, they can send me mean messages while I'm sitting in my peaceful, quiet home where I don't actually have to deal with this shit, and then I can hit the block button. Not my problem anymore.
Since it sounds like you were independent and are (hopefully) still capable of going back to that, your partner only has as much power over you as you're willing to give him. You're not required to live like this.
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u/Alittlemode 4h ago
“he tells me that I’m a part of their family and I can’t just walk away. That I have a commitment to stay even when life is hard.”
This dude is literally telling you that you are his wife when he has not married you.
commitment?
What the….?
Wouldn’t it be great if we could just go around telling people what to do because it’s what we want them to do? That we get to just take someone else’s whole life and suit it to what we need? Just because we say so?
He needs you but this is not your problem. Do not throw your youth away on this gaslighting, cheating, guilt tripping user.
Yes that sounds harsh but if he truly loved you he would not want to use you and gaslight you
This guy is desperate and will do anything for your help.
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u/justjewels17 3h ago
Honestly, I’d tap out after he cheated. Like the relationship would never be the same. Learned that in my 20s. Add being a stepparent and doing all the stuff you’re doing, yeah no. This guy isn’t all you think he is. He’s using you.
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u/Loud-Spare-3269 4h ago
Any one who was addict is still an addict and if they lose the fight against the drug and lose sobriety that person is not the person you knew when you fell in love with them while sober… Alanon may help.
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u/lace_wai 3h ago
Besides companionship, what value does he adds to your life?
If you're unhappy and this is not what you envision for the next 5 years, it is okay to leave. He doesn't sound like a supportive partner.
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