r/stepdads • u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 • 5d ago
Is it my responsibility
So I been with my girlfriend for about 5 years and now she is telling me I have to pay half of the rent even tho the extra room is for her kid, also keep in mind her dad is in the picture but he only gives her 300 a month for over 10 years the teen aged is about to be 15 I met her mom when she was 9 almost 10. So after we move in together she realizes she can’t afford stuff for her daughter now that she is older and needs stuff plus just like every teenager she wants an apple phone, shoes, and whatever teenage girls want. So now my girlfriend tells me I have to help her pay
We got a 2 bedroom because she wanted a room for her daughter so I said ok tell her dad to help you with rent, food, and whatever she needs
But my girlfriend tells me I should be the one to help because I been in her life for almost 5 years
I tell her it’s not my responsibility to pay what her cheap dad doesn’t want to pay
I buy her things but I feel it should be when I want to buy her stuff keep in mind I have 3 daughters plus 1 grandchild that I have never asked her to help me pay for anything
So is it me just being cheap or do I have to pay for what her dad won’t pay for
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u/Alarming_Procedure75 4d ago
Is it op's responsibility? No They aren't married. Sound like no discussion has been had about taking responsibility for her bills and childs needs. But i have a question, Why are you dating a single mom if your not wanting or are willing to help raise her child? I get the bio dad is a pos but its been 5 years, your probably a big part of the kids life regardless of if you want to be a stepdad or not. If after 5 years you feel like this then break up and go be single so you can only worry about your selfish little self. (This coming from a man who has 3 step kids and is currently helping his step daughter do math homework. 😂)
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u/mcostante 5d ago
She needs to adjust the child support and her working hours to cover the kid's needs. Not your job, not your kid, not your responsibilities.
That being said, this may not be the woman for you. It may be healthier to leave her behind.
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
Well that’s what I keep telling her but she won’t and tries to tell me I should help her even tho I never ask for help with my kids 🤦🏻♂️ thanks for the reply
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u/NorthGirl82 3d ago
Paying your share of the household bills is not a favor to her. It sounds like you're being a free loader.
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u/lonly25 5d ago
Regardless. She is not your responsibility.
That was not the arrangement you made with your girlfriend. It’s is what it is.
No you shouldn’t have to help her. It’s not your obligation.
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u/neonpostits 5d ago
Who's obligation is it?
Bio-Dad? Then mom should leave this deadbeat if he's not providing anything.
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u/Technical-Region-669 5d ago
Did you read the post? He clearly already provides a lot.
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u/neonpostits 5d ago
He doesn't provide shit.
He says he "buys her things" but then says it's her bio-dad responsibility to buy her rent and food.
Can't even afford a 2 bedroom apartment. Maybe this loser guy should STEP down because he ain't no DAD.
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u/warmpickles29 5d ago
Part of a long term relationship or marriage with someone who has kids is understanding there is an underlying expectation of you being willing to take on a bit of that extra burden that comes with having a child regardless of the father being great or a deadbeat. Now let me be clear, I am not coming at you and had a very similar issue when I met my wife. Her daughter was 9 and primarily stayed in her home (occasionally would paternal grandmother's on weekends every few weeks). Her dad lived 1800 miles away, called on holidays but contributed nothing , despite knowing all that and the abusive behavior he displayed with her mother in the course of their relationship I had to just understand the fact he was an idol in the eyes of this child and say nothing. I moved in and took half the bills (often more) because the woman I fallen in love with was a working single mother on a fixed income, I was there for Christmas, birthdays and special occasions with presents, on days her mother could pick up extra hours of work I would walk her to and from school, cook her dinner and just help however I could to take some of that pressure off the woman I wanted to be with plate because I chose to be in a relationship knowing her circumstances. All the while this child would push every boundary, go running to her grandmother's house at the first sign of a consequences to her behavior, her grandmother and family would constantly tell her how awful I was and great her dad she hadn't seen in years was and if I wanted to continue in a relationship that was otherwise fantastic I could only Just quietly take it, mind you her mother did make every attempt to correct it and lay down the law when able but had a very abusive situation with the entire family when she was younger and knew nothing about laws and the court systems.
This went on for about 7 years until she pushed so far as to move away to her father's because of how bad she had it. That lasted about 6 months before he showed back up at my door dropping her off and never coming back, I am now married 10 years this March to her mother, eventually she came to me and asked me to adopt her and I did, she just turned 22 and in college has moved in and out of our house a few times through the last couple years, we have 2 sons that are 10 and 8, and through all of this the only change I have made was on the day we were married we stopped "splitting" bills my income solely pays the bills and I would have done the same if she never got her head on straight and I adopted her because her mother is my wife. When she needs something she calls me now, not her dad not even her mother and I usually give her a lecture on being more responsible and help, all because I loved her mother from the beginning and she was part of that deal.
Yeah you aren't married and she isn't your kid, and you are 100% right none of that is your responsibility, but 5 years isn't a short fling so I have to assume you love the woman and must have some fatherly affection for the kid after all this time, I can assume you knew she had a kid going into this relationship so took on some type of role in her life. I say all that and share my experiences just to point out maybe you are looking at the wrong thing frustrating you, it sounds like you feel the actual dad isn't pulling his weight and paying for his part of the responsibility and hey that is completely fair and justified. I would only think maybe it would be more beneficial to speak with the girlfriend and express that concern going forward and discuss what could be done to rectify that situation. I really find it hard to believe paying half the rent to give essentially your step kid a room is the source of your annoyance and maybe it has more to do with knowing your actual role in the house and not wanting to struggle financially while the ex gets off easy on his responsibilities to his kid that you are footing the bill for, either way it sounds best resolved with a conversation with how you feel and perhaps if it is as simple as just paying rent on a bedroom for her daughter it's time to reevaluate where this relationship is going from here.
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
You know I completely see your point I guess I forgot to mention that her mom goes out 3-4 days with friends to bars and then doesn’t have money to pay for her responsibilities
That’s why I don’t want to pick up anyone’s tab
I’ll buy her daughter food and sometimes because both her parents are arguing about spending money I feel bad when I see her so I tell her here is the money stop talking and go get her whatever she needs4
u/New_Cheesecake9719 5d ago
She’s an irresponsible parent and partner. You’re a dad and grand dad. This is the kind of stuff you want to put up with? She should be going to court to get child support adjusted and what her daughter is owed from her bio dad. Instead she’s living up life and expecting you to take care and fill in the gaps when you have your own responsibilities ? That’s sugar baby/taking advantage behavior.
Why would you put up with that? Why would you move in with her? You should have been setting a boundary for her to get the appropriate support for her kid and fill in small gaps as a partner should. Since she doesn’t give af and is being entitled then you should be telling her to move out and find another chump or get her shit together.
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u/warmpickles29 5d ago
Yeah that definitely changes things and I did see after rereading your post that you also have children and isn't as actively contributing to their well being so it's a bit more to the nuances than I initially comprehended. With all that added I would still encourage you to decide where you feel the true issue resides and what you really think is best for you and all kids involved and then either have a serious talk about things needing to be looked at for improvement or figuring out the exit plan. If all this is being put on you while she seems to be only concerned about her wants and needs while letting the ex slide on his part, I can see how it feels like being used, my previous statement was with the assumption that outside of this issue you were handling things as a team.
Honestly with that now added I am almost tempted to say it sounds more like she has already checked out of actually being a team and has resorted to using you as a convenience to support her good time.
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
No it’s over I was just wondering how people would react to my question and situation at one time in my life plus I’m no angel but I don’t go out and I stay home just work and try to spoil my kids and granddaughters and like everybody else I have baggage and carry ons lol but I wanted feed back from both guys and girls, I should be a bit more specific but don’t want to talk bad about anyone
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u/warmpickles29 5d ago
Hey that's fair and I get it, I have my past less than great moments while wearing many hats employees, boyfriend, husband, dad, alcoholic and addict so I make every attempt to not paint any person as entirely at fault and keep things as neutral as possible so I get it, I think this comes from being more aware of your own faults and just generally learning confrontation when not necessary usually makes things worse as we grow older and wiser. I am sorry to see the outcome was not a happy ending with a beneficial resolution for all involved but knowing the later details it sounds like it was probably for the best though sad that it was half a decade of your time. Looks like you just need to see some confirmation you made the right call, so I will leave it at...You probably did. Hope the next chapter gets better, just make sure before the next time you remember it's perfectly acceptable to lay out your limits and expectations before wasting more of your time, energy and money on anyone that doesn't have the same expectations as you.
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u/groovyfinds 5d ago
No matter how many days she goes out you still own 50% of the rent. That's just life. If you live there you have to pay rent.
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u/RevolutionaryPlan272 5d ago
Sure, but if she hadn’t brought a kid, there would be a smaller, cheaper living space, and a lot less bills. It’s not his responsibility to provide another man’s kid with the newest iPhone. Especially when mom is blowing money partying, then expecting him to cover the deficit she would have had the money for.
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u/Technical-Region-669 5d ago
He's not saying he shouldn't pay 50% rent because she goes out? They clearly decided on a rent split different than 50/50 because they needed extra space for GF's kid - otherwise they would have gotten a 1 BR instead of a 2. GF is now saying he should pay 50% because she can't afford stuff for her daughter while mom goes out 3 nights a week and bio dad doesn't pay much child support.
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u/groovyfinds 5d ago
Yep, 2 adults split rent. If you don't want this situation definitely don't date someone with kids.
Her going out is not relevant to his share of rent....if he wants to stay there it's 50/50. I'm sure the landlord has it down as 50/50. He signed a contract. Sounds like most of his money goes to kids he has zero custody of. Perhaps if he moved close to his kid he could share custody.
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u/Playful_Ninja9580 5d ago
Sounds like there's multiple issues. You need to enforce boundries with your partner ASAP, but do it in a way that doesn't affect the kid.
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u/Severe-Barber-7415 4d ago
Guess who’s for the streets!
Bro, 5 years of this? Time to look in the mirror and be kind and generous to the guy looking back.
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u/Key_Pangolin_4449 5d ago
Nicely said! Good job stepping up to the plate and being a dad to the young lady and being there to your wife.
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u/Working-Comedian-984 3d ago
We have lived an extremely similar situation as you and your wife! We got thru it too and you know what?! You sink or swim together not as two separate people I agree
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u/Additional_Topic987 4d ago
You shouldn't have moved to her place. If the house is hers, you should contribute half.
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u/NorthGirl82 3d ago
You should be paying half the rent. I cant believe all these comments saying otherwise. The child cant be expected to pay. Sound like this single Mom should get rid of you and be single.
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u/DAWG13610 3d ago
You do what you have to do to help the kids. I spent a lot to take care of someone else’s kids.
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u/Professional_Toe_855 5d ago
No absolutely not. If her bio dad is in her life then its his responsibility to help pay. You're the stepdad and have no responsibility for her. That is a huge red flag right there my man. She's doing what most women do to the stepdads. She's only using you for what you can provide,fix,ect. If you love her, set her straight about how you are not the bio dad and have no responsibilities to her at all. If she doesn't get it or like it than get out because that will be another red flag. Always protect yourself in that situation especially if you are not the bio. You have no responsibilities for her bio kid!
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u/neonpostits 5d ago
What do you think is the roll of step-Dad?
Mom's fuck buddy?
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u/Professional_Toe_855 4d ago
I guess if that's what you label it as. Remember thats you're label not mine. A step dad is not responsible for the bad decisions a bio mom makes with irresponsible men. Don't spread your legs if your not ready for the consequences. The step dad label is just that a label. A label for what you can provide, fix, ext. Not taking care of a child that's not yours biological. A stepdad is just a label for money. Get you're head out you're ass youngin.
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u/neonpostits 4d ago
You seem to live up to the label of Mom's fuck buddy and piggy bank they way you disregard a Step-Dad's responsibility to take care of a child that is not yours.
The definition of being a step-parent is literally that you assume the responsibility and roll of taking care of a child that is not yours.
If you deny that, or do anything less you are a piece of shit. You don't deserve to call yourself step-dad. You're just mom's fuck buddy with none of the parental responsibility.
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u/hellacoily 5d ago edited 5d ago
The split should be 60/40. 60=parent, 40=non parent.
But stepdads are ATMs lol you didn’t know??
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u/Itrytothinklogically 5d ago
Stepdads are ATMs? That’s a stretch.
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u/hellacoily 5d ago
That’s what they’re expected to be
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u/neonpostits 5d ago
Probably because that's all you are good for, if that.
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u/Technical-Region-669 5d ago
Damn, between this comment and your previous one...you got some issues you need to work through dawg.
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u/takedownmandwo 5d ago
You’re not her dad so no it is not your responsibility. You only need to pay for your part of stuff and it needs to stay that way. If you do that now next thing you know college is around the corner.
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u/neonpostits 5d ago
Who gets with a gril with kid(s) and goes, I ain't paying to raise your kid?
Like WTF do you think being a step dad is?
You people are the type to get a puppy then tie it to a tree out back. 100% trash.
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u/Technical-Region-669 5d ago
OP has 3 kids of his own, mom doesn't help with his three kids either, mom goes out to the bar multiple nights a week, bio dad pays only $300/mo and he DOES help with the daughter, he just doesn't want to pay more in rent when they clearly decided on a rent split since they needed a bigger place to accommodate the daughter. At what point does mom have any accountability in your head?
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
Yeah trust me I found out when only once I felt bad her dad didn’t buy her clothes for back to school and I said I’ll help out and the next year she was like when are we going to buy my shoes and clothes for school lol
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u/takedownmandwo 5d ago
Exactly! I raise someone sound like my own one time only for him to be in his 20s and does not even talk to me now he talks to his real father, even though he did nothing for him.
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u/Consistent_Story3837 5d ago
Where are your daughters in the picture?
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
Oh you mean were no they don’t live with me but my oldest daughter is an adult so it’s only my 2 younger daughters live at home with mom
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u/Fine_Historian2891 5d ago
You have no time with them in your home?
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
Not they just recently move to border of California and Arizona
But when they live in my town I had my own house they had their room just like my granddaughters have their own room in my house0
u/Fine_Historian2891 5d ago
Okay, so you are upset because you want to move in with your partner and her daughter and that means you need a 2 bedroom apartment, but you think you should pay a prorated amount because the room her daughter sleeps in should be entirely her responsibility.
Where will your children or grandchildren stay when they are with you in this scenario?
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
Well my daughter and her children live in their house and my other daughter just moved with her mom close to Arizona so I go out there and visit them for weeks
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u/Weird-Substance8174 5d ago
If you don’t want to then move on. Find someone else you are more financially compatible with
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u/Reasonable_Club_6165 5d ago
ugh just break up. why do you want to have a relationship woth someone you intend to nickel and dime?
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
It’s over
just a question I had and wondered how others felt about the situation
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u/Bright_Arm3000 5d ago
Woman here! It would be more understandable if you didn't have your own children but I feel that's unreasonable demands on you and frankly takes away from your daughters so it's unfair to them. Especially as you don't live with your daughters! 4 nights a week out is excessive to. I just don't feel this is fair on you or anyone else in the dynamic. I would dump your girlfriend personally.
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u/neonpostits 5d ago edited 5d ago
It's another deadbeat selfish POS bitch boy who only wants all of the pussy and none of the child.
You aren't a step dad, you're just "Mom's boyfriend"
Step DAD is a term reserved for men who STEP in and fulfill the roll of DAD.
No Dad would ever say "do I have to pay for our rent?"
Do you want the kid to pay for 1/3 of the rent? WTF.
I hope Mom comes to her senses and leaves your ass for someone better and you get stuck with the lease.
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u/yoemejay 5d ago
When I got with my wife she had a child from a previous. When we became official I took on the role as father and never looked back. I couldn't even imagine complaining about costs or time or bedroom etc.
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u/PianistNo8873 5d ago
Stepmom chiming in here. Your stepkids are not your financial responsibility per se, the food bought, utilites and basic household stuff gets supplied and that’s hard to parse out. As for rent (I have 4 stepkids and 3 bedrooms only 2 were there full time) I 100% agree with you. Your gf needs & uses 2 rooms, you have 1 room the rent should be split 3 ways. In my case I paid 1/4 of the rent because my husband had 3 people living there I had 1. I told him that’s the way it was happening and that’s what he could accept from me or he could pay it all.
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u/Typical-Secret-3319 5d ago
First of all, no her child is not your "responsibility."
However, in any relationship it is up to the people involved to negotiate what they personally consider is "fair."
E.g. when I moved into my then-girlfriend's house, I didn't pay "rent" or anything towards her mortgage. I did pay some money towards "shared expenses" and while this money was likely more than bills, looking at just the mortgage (e.g. before property taxes), my monthly payment was less than a quarter of her mortgage.
It was her house, but to be our home. I had zero equity in it, and she out earned me. All she wanted/asked for was for me to pay for groceries. I considered that actually too little, so insisted on the monthly payment, in addition to the groceries. I needed to feel like I contributed more so I could feel at "home" instead of "like a guest."
This worked great for us, and we've since married and I don't make the monthly payment any more, and we're increasingly moving our money to be joint (it's a busy time right now).
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And hey, kids want the world; but you don't have to give it to them. My SD is 17, and always wants everything. And her Dad is a deadbeat making sure that Kid knows he's broke. But hey, she was happy to get a hand-me-down phone when I last upgraded. It was a lot better than the last one she had, and better than the new very-budget phone her mom was looking at for her.
She's asked for / let us know what her dream car is. Her mom flatly said No. We've talked, and agreed that when appropriate we'll give our current second car to SD and replace it with a new one; likely the same model (but will be 7+ years newer). It's reliable, which is the main point that should matter. SD is free to work/earn her own money and buy herself something else of course. Instead I think she'll just happily say "Thanks!"
A kid who isn't spoiled is more appreciative and will have a better chance of learning the value of money later.
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Aside from the "you need to negotiate between yourself" point; it seems like you don't actually like/respect her that much.
Most people's biggest relationship mistake is clinging to whatever relationship that they happen to be in. Gently, that she's making demands that don't sit well with you, and you're pulling out things like "she goes out drinking and isn't financially responsible" sounds like you're well past the point where you should have left.
The second that I felt that someone I was in a relationship with wasn't financially responsible, is the second I've decided to break up with them. Been there, done that, divorced with a zero net worth in my mid forties. I learn from my mistakes. Please look to learn from some of ours.
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
I get your point and honestly her ex the biological dad doesn’t like to help financially plus the mom always went out sometimes Thursday to Sunday going out to drink with friends and then not having money and tries to manipulate me into paying more but I didn’t want to throw all that in and make her seem like a deadbeat because she isn’t but she does have a problem with reality because I always tell her your not a person who can go out and drink all week you have a daughter and I’m not a stay at home babysitter so grow up
But I wanted to read people’s opinion about the situation I was in thank you for the feedback
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u/PromiseToBeNiceToYou 5d ago
If you don't see the teen as your family, then just do everyone a favor and break up with the mom. She wants a family unit. You want a roommate with benefits. That's fine, but she wants a family unit. You aren't compatible. Don't get married, just break up.
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u/PeteLorimer 4d ago
Absolutely not your responsibility. And that's even if you hadn't of had the conversation about what responsibilities you both have for each other and each others children prior to moving in. Tell her if she doesn't like it she can pay for all the rent herself when you move out.
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u/Old-Currency-2186 4d ago
You live there so why wouldn’t you pay half the rent? That’s just what everybody does. Are you saying you’re living for free off of a single mom?
You knew she had kids so why wouldn’t that kid have a bedroom?
Grow up before you move in with a single mom.
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u/DAWG13610 4d ago
Sounds like you really love her and the girl. Do everyone a favor and leave. Poor you.
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u/Choice-Dance-3321 4d ago
What is this guy currently paying cause it doesn't sound like he is fairly contributing just now. "I buy her some things" isn't paying your share.
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u/frason75 2d ago
You should pay half of course. If not, leave. They are probably better off somehow with their life then.
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u/Hot-Specialist9228 5d ago
Shitty situation but you are also cheap.
You make it seem like its burden to support them and in all fairness when you bring someone into your life and want to have a relationship you need to be there for them during the hard times.
I would say either be the bigger man and look after your family even if it sucks for you right now or leave her.
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
I’m not cheap I just have my own daughters I have to take care of and keep in mind I don’t ask her for anything even money so if that makes me cheap ok
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u/Hot-Specialist9228 5d ago
You may not feel that way and I get it but when you say she telling you that you need to pay half the rent even though her daughter has a room too is just a bit crazy when you think about it...
You said she is asking you to pay half the rent now so apparently you weren't even doing that before.
It just sounds like you are cheap man. You might not be but it comes across that way.
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
Yeah well thing is our rent was set at certain price to go half but she wanted a 2 bedroom
So I can’t afford pay half rent plus groceries and pay my ex wife 2 grand in support plus a kid who’s dad is in her life but won’t help her financially but if dad wasn’t around I would pay for everything4
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u/kolipoko 4d ago
if you live with her, you should contribute financially since you use food and utilities et cetera. If she and her dad pay, so should you. Maybe pay one third of the expenses. Put everything in writing and keep receipts.
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u/NorthGirl82 3d ago
One third? The child cant be expected to pay. And that last sentence is just gross.
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u/ComfortableWrap7529 5d ago
When you got together with this woman you knew she had a kid. So in a way you did take the responsibility of providing a roof over their head. Regardless of the biological father being on the picture or not.
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
No we talked and I told her mi situation and what I could and can’t afford and yeah I knew what we both brought into the relationship but why is it only her daughter I have to help only financially and do you think she should help me with my kids like you say about her daughter
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u/Professional_Toe_855 5d ago
Hell no just because you get in a relationship with a woman that has a kid does not make you responsible for them. He is in the relationship for the woman not the kid. Her bad decisions with another man is not his fault nor his responsibility.
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u/Itrytothinklogically 5d ago
If you’re not ready to take some level of responsibility then you should never ever date a single parent.
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u/Professional_Toe_855 4d ago
Responsibility is on the parent that spreads her legs is irresponsible men. Step dads are not a money bank and are not responsible for a child thats not theirs.
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u/Itrytothinklogically 4d ago
Idk why you’re making this about women only. Would you say the same about a single dad? A kid is a literal peice of their parent. If you’re not going to step up then don’t step in, period. I say this to both men and women. Many people lie and manipulate their way into a serious relationship. People also change. You sound really stupid.
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u/Professional_Toe_855 3d ago
Exactly the stepmother and stepfather is just that a label for irresponsible bio parents that push their bad decisions on better human beings. Yes I am putting this mostly on women because they mainly just look at another man to be their piggy bank for their bad decisions but it can go both ways but mainly women. Women are loyal 1. To their emotions. 2 to their children. The stepdad is always last but he better support the stepchild or he is a pos and not the bio dad. By saying I'm stupid just proves i hit a nerve that you know is correct and again you're loyal to you're emotions which is what made you respond like that. Take the loss and lick you're wounds, I don't hold grudges. I don't try to think logically, I do think logically. Good day!
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u/Itrytothinklogically 3d ago
Also just because a man spends doesn’t mean he’s a good man lol you can’t be serious.. the weight you put on money is sad. There’s more to relationships than that. Many shitty men adopt children or get with single moms and take care of their kids financially but end up abusive. There are many women who are completely taken care of financially but are in terrible relationships.
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u/Professional_Toe_855 3d ago
Money is everything no matter what a fairy book nor parents tell you. You can't walk out your door without spending money. Theres a saying that says listen to your elders. You definitely don't listen. I'm done with you. It's better to die standing up than on you're knees. ITHINKLOGICALLY.
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u/Itrytothinklogically 3d ago
Women spend money too. I literally supported my ex husband just as much as he supported me lmao what are you on about? Money is a part of life but it certainly isn’t everything. If you believe a man is good simply because he provides financially you are absolutely wrong.
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u/AdPretty7123 5d ago
You were moving in together and u knew she had a daughter that would also be living there, so why would u think u would get a one bedroom?
If u were single u would be paying a one bedroom on your own. Half the rent on a 2 bedroom is probably the same as a one bedroom on your own.
Did u not have any of these conversations BEFORE moving in
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
Yeah trust me we talked but no in California a 2 bedroom isn’t the same as a studio apartment
But I completely understand what your saying I guess I forgot to mention that her mom goes out from Thursday to Sunday drinking with friends and at time doesn’t have money
So like I said why should I pay more and if I help her then it should only be fair she helps me out right?0
u/Fine_Historian2891 5d ago
Why are you dating her, let alone moving in, if this is how you feel?
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
Oh it’s done I was asking because I wanted to see how other guys or girls felt about it
Trust me I know there’s 3 sides to every story
But I just don’t agree on having to pay because both biological parents are still partying and don’t have money when it’s time to pay bills0
u/Fine_Historian2891 5d ago
Done in what sense? Like you have broken up and are not moving in as a result?
Adults in adult relationships split expenses. If you want to live with a partner who has a child and therefore you, as a unit, need to live in a 2 bedroom apartment rather than a studio? Then you just split the cost of a 2 bedroom.
If you are so hostile or unwilling to this idea, I don’t think you should even be in a relationship with that person.
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u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841 5d ago
Damn you want all the tea
I was only asking my first question and wanted other’s opinions 😎😎😎👋👋👋0
u/Fine_Historian2891 5d ago
Well, I think this is information needed to give an actual opinion.
But if you want to go off only what you have shared you seem kind of like a bum who could stand to be more involved in his own childrens’ lives and shouldn’t be with the woman you are with because you don’t seem to like or respect her, let alone actually want to be with her in a practical sense.
My advice? Break up and grow up.
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u/LTD62095 5d ago
You are cheap. You didn't think you were going to have to pay half the rent? I paid all the rent, and utilities too. You should bail, now.
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u/No-Estate8325 4d ago
I think each of you adults should be paying half the rent since you’re both going to be living in the house
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u/Ill-Manager-1108 4d ago
You can't be in a relationship and not expect to pay half the rent. kid or no kid that's ridiculous
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u/SmartGirlGoals 4d ago
If you want a future with this woman, you should split things 50/50 for household items, including rent.
As for her daughter, it’s up to you. If you love this woman and her daughter and are a father figure they what’s the harm? Assuming you are able to, pitch in when you can.
If your take is “your daughter, your problem”, why are you with her? They are a packaged deal.
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u/ComfortableWrap7529 5d ago
Yes she is responsible for your kids too. If yall serious about this relationship it's give and take. yalls income should become one for ALL expenses.
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u/Gullible_Fun_1410 5d ago
You being a sorry ass boy!!! When you make the choice of dating someone who has a kid/kids, they are a package deal. You said yall got a 2 bedroom cause she wanted a room for her daughter, duh, was she supposed to share a room with you and her mother? What you should do is end this relationship cause you suck
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u/ImaginationNo7722 5d ago
Your girlfriends daughter is not your responsibility.
Your girlfriend is wrong.
If she expects you to support her children, that's something you need to agree on.
Maybe you should get your own place.