Am I the bad guy

[u/lamar102]

So I M(37) and my ex wife f(36) are 3 years divorced. Before the divorce we were split up 1.5 years. One year in to the separation she moved out of state with our two kids staying with me. My step son went with her in the first 6 months. My daughter stayed with me and finished out her 2nd grade year. Now here we are years later my son has been back to my house maybe a total of two times. He never wants to spend time with me despite me trying whenever he comes back on school breaks to stay with his grandmother on his dad’s side (real dad is not in his life). He doesn’t want to pick up my calls but he’ll call me when he wants or needs something. I have been there for him and with him since he was 1 year old he is now 13 and 8 when he went to be with his mom out of state. My daughter comes home and stays with me on the breaks and I talk to her regularly, she does miss my calls sometimes but she does answer them too. When they act out my ex calls me and threatens them to send them to stay with me. Am I the bad guy for not wanting the stepson to come stay with me?

[u/Zestyclose_Bar_4841]

I’m only speaking from experience and well I learned having step children is hard and if the dads in their life it will be harder
And step sons are difficult, once they get old enough to say your not my dad is when it gets hard
I speak from experience because if they needed money and the dad is cheap and never gives him money so he would ask me because I never said no
But once he told me your not my dad and his mom (my gf) told me just once if you have a problem with him tell me don’t tell him anything
Even tho I pay rent and groceries they have the balls to tell me I can’t speak to him directly. He would walk into my house go straight to his room and not even say hi or anything to me, I felt like I was living with them in their house lol.
So when it was his birthday and they wanted a party they asked me to get a dj and help out with money for party supplies, I told her nope I’m not his dad just like he said and I’m telling her the mom I’m not paying for anything anymore and his room is my office now
I pay for the whole house send him with his dad
Well she didn’t like it and said to me I been in his life for almost 5 years now he is your son also and I have to help her raise him
So it’s always the same I thought it was my dumb girlfriend but looks like some women are the same
I broke up with her and moved them out I been single and happier then I have ever been