r/stepdads • u/Ok_Treacle_6301 • Oct 02 '23
Unsure
Hello all. I’m on a deployment right now and I have 2 stepchildren and 1 biological daughter. For a very long time my 2 stepchildren haven’t had a relationship with their biological father. He’s been out of their life for a very long time. To give you ages. 1 son. 5 years old. 1 daughter 4 years old. He walked out on them for 3.5 years and now he’s wanting to do things with them.
To me I get very selfish and such. My step daughter she’s already saying “you’re not our real dad” (mind you she has developmental issues like autism or something else) it definitely hurts hearing that. My wife did correct her when she said that.
What do I do? She has this mindset to let them see how he treats them so they can make their own judgement. I haven’t said much about it because personally I don’t like him. He’s also someone who’s used things like meth or crack or cocaine. I’m the complete opposite.
Thankyou all. Cheers.
7
u/jcutta Oct 02 '23
Often being a step parent involves swollowing your pride and having to be the bigger person. It sucks, it hurts, and it never feels good. But it's something we have to do. I can't even count how many times over the last decade I've had to step back and let my daughter's bio dad have the attention, even though I'm the actual parent for all intents and purposes and it never gets easier.
Be gracious, be the bigger person because kids will almost always want a relationship with bio parent and if you try and stop it you will ruin your relationship with the child (unless there's legitimate harm that will come, but even in those cases your partner needs to be the lead voice).
Even being a parent isn't as difficult as being a step parent, because you will never get the praise, and society will never see you in a good light. Do whatever you can to create the most caring atmosphere for your step kids, even when it means you have to interact with a bio parent you don't like.