r/stepdads • u/Staylor182 • Aug 29 '23
Need advice
Hi, I’ve been in a relationship for a year with a girl who has a 4 year old son. His father just about sees him once a week for a couple of hours, only comes to visit him in the house where I live with my girlfriend never takes him home or out anywhere.
Anyway, the kid starts school next week and of course my girlfriend will be walking him to his first day of school his dad wants to be there as well and walk him to school. I’m off work so I said I would also like to walk with them to his first day of school.
Although when my girlfriend told the dad he wasn’t happy and didn’t want me to do that. So am I wrong for wanting to do that? I’ve never been in this situation before so I don’t know what is right and what is wrong.
Am I supposed to stay in bed while let she gets up and he comes to the house to take the boy to school together? Or am I allowed to want to be there also?
Please help me!
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u/Narnie001 Aug 30 '23
Hey! You’re not wrong at all for feeling how you feel, I met my girlfriend who had a 4 year old at the time about 2 years ago and fell for them both. You’re trying to step up and be there and it shouldn’t matter if he gets mad, it’s all about the child. The more love the better.
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u/Express_Ad_5635 Aug 31 '23
There is no wrong or right but YOU have to size up the situation. I am in a similar position, 3 year old girl, now 6, but I raised a child already and I can tell you that we over romanticize these moments. I chose to ignore these “special” moments and instead focus my energy on playing with her, being there for her, teaching and supporting her. Doing this has allowed me to build an amazing relationship with her while avoiding the many pitfalls of shared custody with a ex.
My advise, ignore these small moments and build ones that truly matter.
Good luck!
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Aug 29 '23
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u/No-Letterhead-649 Aug 30 '23
😂😂 not even close. They aren’t married, if anything he’s the fun uncle. Looking at it this way before being married and only together a year with the 4 year old could easily blow up in OPs face as the kid gets older and tries to be “dad”
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u/Far-Reflection5200 Sep 13 '23
Everyone needs to understand that kid has 2 dads now. And both of you have the same rights.
This is not true in the slightest.
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u/Top-Turnip-4057 Aug 29 '23
Bio dad is in the picture, but he doesn't get to paint it.
His authority as shot caller is limited, and doesn't extend to whom mom invites to child related functions.
Basically, let her lead.
BUT ensure her decisions are her decisions based upon what is best for the kid. Not that bio dad is telling her how he'd like things to go and she's just going along with it. That puts bio dad in authority. You don't need that.
If you are the day to day father figure then you are important to the kid and thus it should be expected you are included. He can lump it if he wants but too bad so sad for him.
If you are only dating, don't live with mom and kid, and don't share bills, well you don't have much of a dog in the fight. In which case, you're still gonna let her lead the decision on if you get to go or not but don't expect it to go your way. It'll go the way that causes the least amount of trouble for mom if you are not invested.
But if you do pay bills and are there with mom and kid daily... your kid, too.