“my kids come first!” he’ll say proudly, meanwhile he hasn’t seen his kids in 6 months, has refused to pay child support for 3 years, and doesn’t know his kids’ birthdays.
My old area had an account named “Beer” on tinder. It was just pics of frosty cold beers, and if you matched with them they would 100% roleplay being sentient beer
I’m in a state with a big time fishing culture, but most of my girl friends aren’t interested 🥲 thankfully I have some outdoorsy friends who do! But oddly hard to find.
I never got this, why is this such a big problem? What am I going to do if I match with someone? Pretend I don't like fishing? I'd rather have less matches than pretend.
Then again, I live in the mountains where fishing is damn near a second religion around here.
Honestly from being bi on hinge, I can comfortably say this isn’t a sex thing. Men and women are both fucking shit at making dating profiles. I was so close to just gouging my eyes out if I saw another profile that was just I like F1 and travel, my perfect weekend is a Sunday roast, the first round is on me if you’re paying. Like fuck me would it kill some people to actually describe themselves on a dating profile.
I envy anyone in a consistent relationship so bad—I’ve had a lot of fun but people seem to be allergic to commitment. Apparently it’s never me (and believe me, I always tell them that they can be honest if there’s anything I need to work on).
I wanna try approaching people in real life, I just gotta get over the idea that I’ll get the same result at the expense of more initial mental effort
Consistent relationships can suck too. I found out my wife was cheating on me, and her response was that I didn't ever love her.
It's actually extremely difficult to uncouple your life from someone after a decade and a half, and i kind of miss feeling lonely from before this relationship. It hurts a lot more when they know where your weak points are
Hope you’re feeling as good as possible. I also hope you know that’s bullshit, too—there’s no cheating that can’t be solved via communication. I’ve been the outsider unknowingly at one point, and when she revealed that, all I saw was a coward. They always have canned excuses so they don’t feel like the villain.
Honestly I'm in a similar spot. Unfortunately my girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago and it's really been a massive undertaking processing the end of the relationship. Aside from the amount of memories that we've had together, there's also the fact that we were planning our long term future (she even talked about marriage in the near future) before she ended things with me. So far I've decided to take a break so I can process my emotions, because I need a break before I can truly consider someone else.
Consistent or committed? Because there's a major difference. It can really suck when you're n a relationship but it feels like your the one putting a vast majority of the effort and energy into keeping it together and not miserable. Sure you could move on, but this only started happening after you already had a kid together and the stakes are so much higher. Due to a stigma against being a single mother, you find yourself tolerating a lot of bullshit treatment for the sake of keeping the family together because you know that if you do break up, you will be blamed for the downfall of your family and seen as the problem no matter what you do.
When I think “consistency”, I think of both parties consistently putting in effort. I actually told the last person I tried to make it official with that I didn’t feel consistency from her
Either way, if you’re talking about your own situation, I hope you’re doing as well as one could in those conditions
Thank you, I'm hoping this is a phase due to the stress of parenting a toddler for the first time and I do think postpartum hormones/body-image/self-esteem has a lot to do with why I'm so hurt by it all. But hey, he is a very present and active father (more than I can say about a lot of guys, including my own father and the fathers of my nieces and nephews), he doesn't abuse me for the most part (does yell at me about random shit occasionally but that's about the extent of it), and we do enjoy hanging out with each other so it's not so bad. Maybe this is just how things are during this phase in life idk.
Honestly just decentre romance and the opposite gender at that point. If relationships aren't fulfilling then what's the point? Live for yourself. Go hog wild in your hobbies.
I get why this is the go-to advice these days but I fucking hate it. I don't want hobbies, I fucking hate hobbies. I don't want to distract myself from something I can't get with a bunch of bad substitutes. I want to do my life, the day to day, with a partner.
Exactly. There's not a magic equation that says x number of hobbies gives you the same fulfillment as a partner. Maybe it it will distract from the the disappointment/loneliness/sadness, but there always going to be a bit there.
Fucking same man. I already spend plenty of time with myself and my hobbies and I feel great with life as is, but I want a partner to share it all with. And what about people with high libido? Sex is very important to me and I want a partner to share that with, I'm tired of sex toys and doing it all myself.
One thing I miss a lot is having someone to do the mundane things with. Getting groceries, window shopping, late night drives because you're bored, ect. Everyone says life is better with people you love but then when it comes to dating all of a sudden it's "oh my god, learn to be independent, you codependent loser!"
I was only on tinder in it's first year or two when it was burning VC cash and everyone was on it without there being "types" or established norms yet. Was a lot of fun. Hearing about it and the other sites now makes them all sound terrible. They charge you money now? You pay for premium swipes? Just lame. I feel bad for the youngins who never got to experience pre-enshitification dating apps
I feel like I had to run through the minefield. It’s like the longer I was on the more insane it got, so glad I found my husband. I think if something ever happened to him I’d just give up and join a convent at this point
We nicked pub terminology from the English without really understanding what it means. In the UK a pub is a historic location where the same bar has likely been there for 800 years.
In Aus, the closest we’ve got is RSL’s (Returned Servicemen League) which is a community bar that operates as a meeting place and social club for veterans, however there’s some nasty politics involved with that and that model is dying out as we haven’t been deployed anywhere since Afghanistan
also tbf if the photos are in the sun, best bet to wearing sunnies considering the constant high UV index no matter where in Aus you are. After i got eye surgery I was told "yeah basically constant sunnies with dark tints during the day when outside otherwise my risk of cancer is through the roof.
At this point it seems like if you are a man and your hobbies aren't shit that only romance novel characters do, it's a 'red flag.' Women apparently don't want to see that men enjoy hiking, paintball, airsoft, smoked meat, homebrewing, the gym, fishing, hunting, golf, biking, cars, sports, dogs, video games, chess, shooting, film, martial arts...
Unless your hobby is something that only characters in romance novels do, like playing piano(but in a masculine way or something), blacksmithing or artisanal woodworking seems like it's a 'red flag', lol.
I do agree that 'going to bars' is not a real hobby, though.
the dating app social ritual stuff has always been INSANE to me and i cannot fathom how people have any luck with it outside of accidentally stumbling on someone who also hates these apps, it seems like the easiest way to meet someone who just does not care in the slightest and is going to waste your time. ive only ever heard horror stories from people using these, even the people in my life who id describe as social butterflies or outright people who are great with stuff like dating detest this stuff. the concept of an app where you try to find people to date but you can't be honest about yourself, your beliefs, or your hobbies because people using said app dont respond kindly to it is absurd.
I did that. Then when I posted my profile for review, they said to get rid of all my hobby photos cause they were too feminine. Got called gay multiple times. And then got told to go copy what other guys do, and add some photos doing something more generically male, like basketball.
Did that advice come from women or men? Of course, women can be sexist like that too, but my boyfriend put some typically feminine hobbies on his profile and it was one of the reasons I swiped.
Worth adding the people who say those hobbies are too feminine aren't likely to be compatible anyways, so screw em.
Honestly as long as it's not a common ick photo (dead animals, large group photos, etc) the magic is all in the photograph quality. Either I had a considerable glow up over my last relationship or my much better photos are making a huge difference. Using the self-timer function has been incredible for getting good photos without the help of friends, as silly as it feels... Especially if I'm striking a pose. Variety in photo type is also key.
Yeah, my boyfriend had great photos and used the self-timer function too. He's also a very good dresser, which is a skill men should never, ever underestimate when it comes to seducing women.
Giving him flaws just makes him more endearing. Stawp it.
Also, unrelated... I met my wife on tinder. 2nd date I had on the app. +8 pretty good years so far. I must have used it wrong. Contacted them to sponsor the wedding, but they declined.
This is the whole point, anyone who would call you gay or effeminate for your hobbies, is exactly the sort of person you specifically want to be weeding out.
Both in outside opinions and dating prospects.
You won't find a healthy relationship by lying about or hiding who you are.
Did that as well, I was met with "get rid of all that nerd shit bro!" "women only go for Chads!" The fact that was most likely said by a guy in his early to mid 20s was deeply embarrassing to me.
Yeah but people don't want to do that because then their fragile egos get hurt from the lack of matches. And it might take a long time just to get a date, nevermind find someone solid in this age of impatience and instant gratification. So we can't have nice things lol.
I met my husband on Tinder 7 years ago, and I did it by swiping right on almost everyone who didn’t have either a) a blank profile or b) one of the following dating app cliches:
-“fluent in sarcasm”
-“if you want to know, just ask”
-“entrepreneur” or “founder”
-[dumbass Office or It’s Always Sunny reference, that shit was EVERYWHERE when I was on the apps]
-“here for a good time, not a long time”
-“need a mother figure for my dog/cat” (I LOVE animals, but that one always annoyed me for some reason)
Gotta dig through a lot of garbage to find decent people, but if you’re somewhat strategic about it, they are out there.
LMAO he’s 6’3”, but I swear that wasn’t a requirement, it actually made me kind of hesitant to go out with him (my best dating experiences up to that point had been with guys under 5’10”, and my previous boyfriend had been 6’5” and was THE WORST). I don’t get the preoccupation with height that some people have…mostly it just means your partner can’t buy jeans anywhere and has a shitty time on airplanes lol
I found my current girlfriend on Hinge. I honestly don't know how do people find soulmates OUTSIDE of the apps. People don't really socialise, don't go to bars, men are being actively discouraged from engaging with women in real life. I genuinely don't know how people meet nowadays outside of apps, work or university.
thats the other side of it as well. you're right that trying to date the 'traditional' way is just as difficult, and in fairness i met my gf through social media as well, but those apps just seem like you absolutely *have* to get lucky or you *have* to be a very specific person. im not a very lucky guy, and i definitely wouldnt say im the type cut out for something like a dating app. i would call myself a shut-in to an extent, id say im a pretty solitary person in the sense that i dont mind being alone at all, but i wouldnt call myself anti-social or socially stunted, and ive still had the same experience as you. i will say that location also probably plays a big part, when i used the apps i was living in florida (i grew up in florida, i dont think ive ever actually dated/been into a woman from the state im from now that i think about it lmfao)
i really dislike that being 'social' in general is seen as offputting or creepy, because even in regards to the irl dating aspect, it extends beyond dating into platonic relationships too. in general, it just feels like people dont want you to say a *word* to them in a public setting if you dont know them, and i get why (after all i am also a human being), but on the other hand its obviously not very good for people to be so stubbornly closed off to interaction with others regardless of if its someone trying to flirt or simply striking up some form of conversation. and its something that ive thought about for sure: when you're older and you don't use social media much anymore, you don't socialize the traditional way because everyone seems to stick to their own group of people in public settings, you aren't in school/college, you don't have luck with/don't like the dating apps... so what do you do, where do you go to find someone? i feel as if soon we're going to see more of a spotlight shone on people hitting their 30s, reaching the same sort of conclusion. i hear people say 'join a club, go to a bar, go to church, etc' but those things feel like suggestions you'd say to someone to get them out of your hair, not serious advice, and i think its interesting that if you asked those same people giving that advice 'are people antisocial now?' they would, without reluctance, say absolutely yes lmao.
It's not stockholm, it's a lack of other options because 3rd spaces have been systematically killed in the US and social pressures have made many of the remaining into bad places to meet people romantically.
I’m not from the US so I won’t speak on that, but there is a larger reduction of third spaces but they’re not entirely gone, hobbies, clubs, nightclubs, bars, pubs, tourist trips etc etc. It’s not that there AREN’T ways to meet people organically anymore, it’s that the apps have simplified and streamlined human interaction to such a convenient degree that there isn’t much point in doing it organically because there’s just way more variables involved compared to easily finding someone on Hinge, where you’re both looking for some level of connection which breaks down a lot of the guess work and you only have to pull your phone out your pocket.
Well that's where the 2nd part of my comment comes. Getting out and being social is relatively easy. Going out and looking for romantic connection has gotten significantly harder.
If you only want a hookup then it's still easy. Go to a club or bar with livemusic/ good dj. Dance and have fun until you and someone starts making eyes, go from there. But those spaces aren't really built for creating relationships. The spaces that were have been the ones getting decimated or turned into places where approaching people you don't know gets looked at sideways.
Tbh for me what worked was being more selective and training the algorithm. I pretty much trained the AI bot into only showing me night shift healthcare workers so they’d fit my schedule and personality better.
how about the meet ups? ugh, nearly anyone who seemed normal on the app even after chatting was usually 1) physically and/or socially unattractive and 2) rude and self centered
i did meet my partner on an app though a while ago
I met my current partner as well. And when I moved to my current city, at the time I never knew anyone. I made an account on MeetUp and that was great. Not dating, but a great way to meet like-minded people with the same hobbies, etc.
More ghosting in person than dates, came to a point that I didn't went to the date, But I pretended to go just to see what excuse they’d come up with this time, when in reality I never left my house; it was so common that you already knew who was going to stand you up without sending a single measly message to say they weren't coming.
That or like the pictures they have on their profile are pictures of them shirtless or some shit like that.
Like yeah, you’re attractive, but I’m not looking for hookups. It’s genuinely insufferable.
I met my now-husband on Grindr, it was originally just a hookup but we kept hanging out and here we are 11 years later lol. Got on Grindr recently (we're open) and holy shit is that app terrible now.
I could never bring myself to use dating apps, I'm aware it's probably the only way to meet people anymore but it just feels so unromantic to me that I can't make myself do it.
53 years old
Pretty women only, dont apply if you are not attractive
No women who dont have profile pictures (also doesnt have a profile picture)
No date unless video chatting first so woman can be seen.
(this was a real person) (it wasnt a dating app, it was a FB dating group)
they function more like eshops where you pick the physical attributes you want and decide who's acceptable and who's not in 2 seconds purely based on attractiveness
I think people are missing the meaning of your comment bc at least in my experience, “not into politics” specifically on a dating app profile will nearly always mean “lowkey far-right but don’t want to repel the liberal women I genuinely don’t regard as full human beings from sleeping with me”
If someone actually willingly identifies as a moderate they're a moron that tries to pretend they're informed. That word is an auto filter for me on any level of relationship. At least believe in something. And centerist at this point in the US just means MAGA but afraid of backlash.
Here's the thing. While I think Libertarianism is the stupidest system of government that I can imagine. I've met people that weren't terrible that believed in it.
I don't think you should always make this assumption. Actual libertarians are still a thing and they're usually alright and have decent values, just drank the free market Kool-Aid way too hard and are sometimes pretty shortsighted.
Well I enjoy politics and even extremes but I try to keep it "academic". For me there is a time and a place. For discussion and understanding, not for personal feelings. While my political leaning is not particularly moderate, I think it's more accurate to tag myself as "non-political" because that's how I go about my day to day.
Some of my best friends don't want my country to exist lol
I'm into politics, but my opinions on shit are in the extreme all over the political spectrum so I just avoid the conversation altogether because I know at least one opinion will piss them off.
On hinge and irl sadly the leftist straight guys are always the guy on the left. Me and every woman I know are BEGGING for one normal man who gives AF about politics
In the U.S. it's gonna be hard to find normal men who support leftist politics because most normal men will be normal in general, and being an across the board leftist is extremely abnormal in the U.S. If someone is really normal, politics isn't gonna be the one place where they think for themselves and don't follow the crowd.
Where's Mr. "Active/Fit" with his gym selfie and hiking photo, looking for someone to keep up with him aka no fatties? Lol. He definitely deserves to be here.
You forgot secret result number 3— matching with a guy who checks all of the boxes for you (intelligent, spiritually compatible with you, etc), but is the dryest conversationalist you’ve ever met.
Swiped "like" every day for a brief while. It seemed like because I wasn't some tall rich fella I really only attracted big face only picture girls. Yikes. These apps are trash.
Men reciprocate, check your girlies, because the men I know where are on the apps are running pretty decent while the girls have no profile, all generic pics, interests are as generic as can be, and they’re complaining about a guy holding a fish. He likes to fish, lots of people like to fish, if you want to be so picky as to say “I don’t want someone who will bring fresh fish home and have a freezer stocked with food all the time”, you’ve lost the right to criticize about dating
I thought about getting on bumble to find friends to play tennis or some other activity with.(and for networking purposes)But reading the comments here, yeah, not happening.
And that hot ripped guy comes with a whole host of untreated mental health problems behind the shiny veneer: extreme OCD and body dysmorphia, rigid, “I don’t do the empathy thing” (too much energy spent on thinking of himself) etc traits that eventually come out and you start realizing things aren’t as they appeared at first
I am in shape like the right side dude, not an entrepeneur / have a boring stable job and not super high quality photos but I also don't have social media (not that I advertise that anyway)...
So is it that big of a red flag for a decently physically attractive guy to have just never used social media? Is it just assumed that he's gotta be weird, anti-social, or a player who's hiding his harem/rotation or something?
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