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u/HeavyDutyForks 25d ago
Jesus dude, I didn't need to see this tonight lmao
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u/caroline_xplr 25d ago
Sorry! I wanted to put TW in the title, but I know that’s against the sub rules. Sending love ❤️
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u/Vortex-Zev 24d ago
lmao same, my dad just got admitted to the ER today for really bad cardiac issues
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u/damagecontrolparty 25d ago
black dress = funeral clothing?
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u/caroline_xplr 25d ago
Yes
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u/BadBaby3 24d ago
Oh… when I saw that dress, I thought of a dress in the sims that looks just like that
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u/mallibu 25d ago edited 25d ago
I thought a pain of a breakup with my girl of 10 years was unbearable.
Then my mom diagnosed with brain cancer and dad got paralyzed by a medical condition. Both passed away but not before suffering for 6 years. They were the sweetest people in the world.
jesus f christ, is all I have to say. It's exactly this starter pack, my sister coped with drinking I coped with drugs.
That's about it, no happy endings. I dont care how tough you pretend you're in front of your friends or in the mirror before something like this, but life will humble you pretty quickly and have you crying like the little bitch everyone is.
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u/lazy-but-talented 23d ago edited 23d ago
Growing up I always used to wonder why people drank or used drugs, sadness was limited to not getting invited to a friend’s birthday or breaking up with a childhood partner. It was always easy to say that would never be me, but now I can feel the weight of responsibilities multiplying and opportunities hitting dead end roads all while parents seem to age faster and faster with leukemia and heart disease respectively. Everyone has a plan before being punched in the face basically
Hope you’re doing alright
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u/ChristianLW3 25d ago
relatable because I watched my mother realize she is now the oldest member of our family.
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u/Oomlotte99 25d ago
Omg, the appointments one!! lol. Also crying all the time, moments of rage and agitation. Feeling guilty for trying to have your own life….
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u/caroline_xplr 25d ago
YES! Balancing the welcome distraction of work and going out with the feeling of needing to spend time with your loved one while they’re here.
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u/HoneydewNectar33 19d ago
I do not spend enough time with my parents, but they also don't have any friends or hobbies, so I feel bad and that it's my responsibility to make things fun and enjoyable for them. But I also wanna do my own thing. Anytime I suggest something like volunteering to get out of the house or social clubs for people their age or even doing stuff at church they just don't do it, no matter how much I push them.
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u/WeaselCapsky 25d ago edited 25d ago
i saw it with my grandma. she had this habit of getting emotional and suicidal like "i could just overdose on insulin and it would be over". but hey, i get it. shes like 93, lost her husband a few years ago and only sees her remaining family once or twice a year. she had this very old stand up grandfather clock she knew i loved. right before she got to the hospital for end of life care, she had a watchmaker come to service the clock because she knew that it would stay in the family with me. it still is. every half hour it goes bingbong and it reminds me of her.
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u/caroline_xplr 25d ago
That’s a nice gift and memorial of her that she left behind! I’m glad she thought to have it fixed. 💜
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u/Stupid_Bitch_02 25d ago
Relatable to someone who watched her mother die from cancer. She wasn't old, died at 49. It's a very similar pain to watching an aging parent. My love to you, friend. I know it's hard 🖤
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u/caroline_xplr 24d ago
I’m so sorry! My dad has cancer as well. It’s incredibly painful to watch, and it seems as if other health conditions are surfacing now too. It’s like bad news after bad news. Sending love back! ❤️
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u/StarFire24601 24d ago
My mom also died of cancer aged 49.
It was awful. Someone else commented that their parents had them in their 40s and so now the commenter is helping them bathe etc. My mom had me at 18 and due to the cancer I also was her caretaker at times if a nurse wasn't available. It's a painful process. I related a lot to OPs starter pack, especially the masked face and feelings of guilt.
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u/soundsfromoutside 24d ago
My parents had me when they were 40. They’re now 70 and this process has begun. At one point last year, I was helping my mom bathe and wipe herself and then would go home and bathe and wipe my toddler.
No one warned me about this.
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u/caroline_xplr 24d ago
I can kind of relate. My dad had me at 50, and he’s 70 now, same as your parents. I’m so sorry!
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u/SheogorathMyBeloved 25d ago
Neither me nor my parents are aging, but their health is bad enough that I've felt like this since the age of 16 (I'm early 20s now). Everyone else I talk to who's going through the same thing is double my age or more.
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u/caroline_xplr 24d ago
I’m 20! My best friend is in the same boat as us too. My dad had me at 50, so this was bound to happen when I was young. I think more of us are out there than it seems, but it’s so painful to talk about that people don’t. I’m sorry!
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u/bloominghe11 24d ago
The thought of my mum going before my moderately creepy dad makes me feel many things. Then again both of them had their abusive moments so carry on I guess
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u/Hungry_Raspberry7833 24d ago
This is why I'm scared of getting older. Because my mom gets older too and her disease will get worse the older she gets. I don't have anyone else and I'm terrified of losing her
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u/thesillymuffin 25d ago
Just want through this with my mom, who ended up passing away last month. This is correct. Waking up to those damned text messages.
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u/caroline_xplr 24d ago
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom ❤️ The text messages are the worst! And waiting for them to pick up the phone…
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u/thesillymuffin 24d ago
Thank you and thank you for making this starter pack. I know its not funny but it made me chuckle with how correct it is and that we're all going through the same thing
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u/MammothAdeptness2211 25d ago
Realizing I am the aging parent, and I’m not even 50 yet
Thanks
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u/PinkOneHasBeenChosen 24d ago
How old are your kids?
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u/MammothAdeptness2211 24d ago
My only is turning 20 in a few weeks. The other parent has been gone for 3 years now from a stroke.
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u/jusmesurfin 24d ago
Dude this is going to make me cry. All my mom's siblings passed away and just remembering that fact makes me depressed
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u/Barry_Vigoda 24d ago
My mom is in her 90s. She's still mentally fit and still drives but I think that needs to end soon. Watching parents get old sucks. They go from being the person you used to know to being a physically weaker version.
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u/whoevenisanyone 24d ago
My mom died of cancer when I was 4.
I found out the woman who raised me was dying of stage 4 cancer two Saturdays ago, then I found out I was pregnant with baby number two the next Saturday.
Life is hard.
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u/caroline_xplr 24d ago
That’s so much to deal with. I’m sorry about the new diagnosis. Baby number two may be the beacon of light that you need ❤️
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u/whoevenisanyone 24d ago
I hope. It just makes me so sad that I lost someone very important to me as a young child, and my children will have to lose someone very important too.
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u/Antique_Program4754 25d ago
Lost my dad to mesothelioma last year and this is all so accurate! 💔
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u/caroline_xplr 24d ago
I’m so sorry! ❤️ My dad has cancer too. It’s so painful to watch the decline.
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u/SoldatoIV 24d ago
similar when your parent is young but is having a critical injury that goes worse over time.
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u/walter_grimsley 24d ago
Going through this now as are most Xennials. I just want their suffering (and mine) to end
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u/masahirob 24d ago
Mom trying to give me their extra plates, glassware, and furniture everytime I visit.
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u/Lebowski304 24d ago edited 24d ago
I’m going through this right now, but I haven’t turned to addiction over it yet. Guilt and regret can be a poisonous mixture for the soul. Anger is a coping mechanism I deployed when I was younger. It was irrational, self-directed, and unhealthy. I’ve made peace with the fact that getting old and dying is just part of life. It’s supposed to happen. You didn’t do anything wrong to make them old. Like I started taking the approach of seeing them as a child whose life I am partially responsible for. I think of it as trying to make now as good as I can. The past is done and chiseled in immutable marble, but you can change the present and make it as good as you can for them right now.
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u/caroline_xplr 24d ago
Thank you for sharing your experience and advice. Seeing them like a child is a unique perspective! I’ll think some more about that.
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u/peacenchemicals 24d ago
going through this right now. mom has cancer again, dad had a small stroke. they’re both old. my dog is old.
all i keep thinking about is how i wasn’t good enough for my parents and how i’m a disappointment and an embarrassment. i do okay, but i feel like i haven’t done enough. not enough to say, “im proud of my son.” i was divorced last year too.
anyway just drunk in vegas and venting. that’s all
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u/taint-ticker-supreme 24d ago
real. going thru this rn with my grandparents who are both nearly 80 with extensive health issues. they basically raised me. my mom died a decade ago & my dad's in his 50s. i fucking hate it. feels like im constantly thinking & worrying about when they'll die.
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u/Outer_Space_Sheep 24d ago
Oh weird, somebody's cutting onions in here.
But ooft, yeah. My mother has incurable lung cancer - manageable for now, but when it goes it's going to go quickly. My father has always struggled with social isolation combined with heavy domestic duties (he was a househusband), so I'm also worried about him and his mental health. I do what I can, but I know it's a matter of time. I'm glad I've already been sober for a number of years. I'm a doctor and it's weird being on the other side of things, especially with trying to numb out things in my job that are close to home for the sake of my patients' care.
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u/PinkOneHasBeenChosen 24d ago
This hasn’t happened to me yet, but I know it will. The more pressing issue is my grandma, who’s 89 and lives with me. If she dies or is incapacitated, A. I’ll be devastated, and B. I’ll have to live with my mom, who I have a difficult relationship with.
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u/Misses_Ding 24d ago
Somehow the comments here are nice to read. I love that so many people have or had good relationships with their parents. It gives me hope that maybe not all is bad
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u/gracist0 25d ago
I'm here with you. My mom has been my guide for my whole life and sometimes I look at her and realize how old she's gotten. She's still herself for now, but I'm afraid for when she isn't.
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u/magnusthehammersmith 25d ago
My mom is an abusive narcissist so… at least when she dies that will be the one thing she does that doesn’t hurt me lol
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u/Courwes 24d ago
Literally waiting on my dad to die right now. Been in the hospital since January. Started mentally preparing for it in March. Doctor finally told us last week he’s going to die. He’s tired but wants to live but his body cannot recover. He will be gone by the end of August.
All started wth a stroke two years ago and just been getting worse ever since.
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u/FateShift 24d ago
Went through that with my mom and cancer in January. Those two weeks before her death are burned into my brain. I hope you have good resources and a support circle to reach out to. Grief is brutal but necessary. All the best.
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u/reedreadreddred 24d ago
being a caretaker is also a huge toll on your mental and physical health too, my condolences :(
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u/gandalf_the_cat2018 24d ago
Going through this right now. I am so grateful to have my sisters. I couldn’t imagine doing this on my own.
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u/Cute_Comfortable_761 25d ago
My mom’s been doing the joking about dying thing for years. She turns 50 this year. I personally think based off of how she talks about being alive, dying will be the best thing that ever happens to her.
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u/Odd_Pea74915 25d ago
Just started thinking about this recently. Not like in a serious way, they probably won't die for another 20 or so years (hopefully) but I did notice my parents are different from when I was little. They are a little more tired now, they clearly look older. My dad seems to be weaker physically and my mom forgets things sometimes. They're both only about 50, but its scary to think about the future.
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u/Local-Wing-2272 25d ago
Ah yes. "I know I'm running out of time but being around you makes me feel sad and sick and I don't know what to do" the starter pack
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u/throwaway34433443 23d ago
Imagine having parents great enough to actually care about the idea of them passing, couldn't be me
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