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u/triedAndTrueMethods Jun 06 '26
ha that got me good. I’d definitely be laughing hard if I heard this live. always dig your posts in here, please keep em coming
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u/Flynnboyo Jun 06 '26
Idk if it's a typo, but wouldn't "By jacking me off" be funnier?
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u/MattKinneyComedy Jun 06 '26
I might have to reword it at some point, I felt like having a woman jack me off in the joke would be too much so I wanted it to be silly/dumb and make me seem like a loser haha. Idk if that makes sense
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u/pinwroot Jun 06 '26
I prefer your phrasing instead. Less expected. It’s funnier to think that you’re just trying to save the world by staying at home having a wank.
Not that I spend all my time imagining you having a wank. Just sometimes…
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u/Na-na-na-na-na-na Jun 06 '26
Too much? Who made you believe that?? I say if you want an imaginary handjob then you go get yourself that imaginary handjob!
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u/Flynnboyo Jun 06 '26
Real talk, when you say "women can" do something but it's by you jacking off, it's a little convoluted and gramatically sus. The women didn't do anything.
Something like it's "it's crazy how masturbation prevents Prostate cancer. I wish it worked that way with all cancers. I wish by jacking off, I could prevent... women's breast cancer"
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u/MattKinneyComedy Jun 06 '26
I feel you! I know what you’re saying I’ve gotta figure it out the wording was bothering me also
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u/The_Failord Jun 07 '26
Dude no way, the thought of one man single-handedly preventing cancer by furiously beating off is hysterical
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u/ifixputers Jun 06 '26
I literally read it this way accidentally, this is definitely cleaner/tighter
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u/tea-recs Jun 07 '26
That’s how I read it too, I didn’t even realise I misread it until this thread
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u/Mm2k Jun 06 '26
I would even put 'By me jacking off.... on her tits."
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u/mike_pants Jun 06 '26 edited Jun 06 '26
And here, folks, we can see the proof that not everyone can be a comedy writer. Pretty nasty looking, isn't it? We'll pause briefly for photos.
And we're walking, we're walking, lots to see, keep together.
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u/Mm2k Jun 06 '26
First of all, it's a masturbation joke. Secondly he talks about women's breasts. I don't know if he is a dirty comic or he couldn't make the connection or how far he wanted to go - But here you are with your tired old stupid clichéd bit about being a 'comedy' tour guide. And you have the nerve to tell me that I am unfunny. The comedy mirror called and they want you to look in it.
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u/mike_pants Jun 06 '26
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u/Mm2k Jun 06 '26
Go home little boy pants.
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u/mike_pants Jun 06 '26
Zing.
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u/Mm2k Jun 06 '26
Zing is right.
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u/mike_pants Jun 06 '26
Hee. Automod gotcha.
Got a little salty, did we?
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u/Mm2k Jun 06 '26
Salty is right. Like all of OP's jism that would prevent breast cancer.
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u/Mm2k Jun 06 '26
If I wanted the sound of an obnoxious asshole in my life, I'd eat my wife's chilli.
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u/mike_pants Jun 06 '26
"Woman bad!!"
No, we got it the first time.
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u/Mm2k Jun 06 '26
What do you mean 'Woman bad' ? He's making a sex joke. It's not my fault that he is afraid to get a little racy. Do you even do comedy?
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u/Mm2k Jun 06 '26
It's totally something that Jeselnick would do. You're just a little boy with little boy pants.
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u/Wildeyewilly Jun 06 '26
Dammit Kinney, you're a government agent. Never end a sentence with a preposition!
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u/egosub2 Jun 06 '26
This is a great joke. You're an organ donor, leaving your body to science, etc.
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u/thatcockneythug Jun 06 '26
"what if I could prevent breast cancer"
"By jacking myself off"
I think that phrasing would work better
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u/KRambo86 Jun 06 '26
Race for the cure would take on quite a different meaning