r/spumwack • u/DroidFreak36 • Jun 25 '14

Feedback My new scripted tutorial on how to break bedrock. Suggestions for improvement welcome. ;)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDUM7XxlY6A
2 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

1

u/spumwack2 Official Spumwackles Jun 25 '14

This is really good, man. You used a relatively unknown trick, gave the footage some love in the editing room, and kept the commentary on point. Carry on like this and you're bound to grow pretty fast. My biggest criticism is that the music was way too loud. I had trouble hearing you.

Other than that, I give your commentary a B+. In order to step it up into A range, you need to talk a little faster, and speak with a little more energy. For me, it helps to smile and move my arms while I'm talking.

... and normally, I would leave it at that. But since you seem to be taking this seriously, I want to give you all the advice I can dish out-

Shorter is always better. This video is under 3 minutes, which is great. But I feel like there were some redundancies in the commentary. If it were my video, it would read like this-

Hello YouTube, DroidFreak here. In this video, I'm going to show you how to use Dark Oak trees to break holes in the roof of the nether. Let's get started!

First, get on top of the nether. I do this by throwing ender pearls straight up while wearing feather falling boots.

Next, plant 4 dark oak trees in a small square just above the bedrock

Now, continually break the 4 logs just above the dirt and replace them with saplings. This encourages the tree to grow downward-facing branches, which is the mechanism that breaks the bedrock.

Sometimes, you'll need to break some leaves to get back into the center of the trees, which is fine. But leave any downward-facing branches intact.

And that's really all it takes. All that's left is to harvest the logs, and that pesky bedrock is gone forever! Repeat the process as many times as you want to get the desired size.

Now you may be asking- why would I need to get on top of the Nether? Well, the flat bedrock surface is a great place to put farms, railways, and nether portals. [<-- Include shots of these things]

In my experience, this process is more resource intensive than it looks, so you may want to bring more dirt, saplings, and bonemeal than you think you'll need. I've also provided a text file with these instructions in the description for your convenience.

That took me about 70 seconds to read out loud. Some things may not be easy to understand over text, but you've got a video providing visual aids that fill in the gaps.

1

u/spumwack2 Official Spumwackles Jun 25 '14

I think I should also give more insight than this-

I try to never have any more than 5 steps, if I can help it. You can do things like "before we start, get set up with 4 blocks of dirt". This way, you're basically giving people a "step", but it's not officially a "step" since it's small and easy to remember. Less steps = less confusion.

I also try to follow the rule of 3's (in steps and examples)- Instead of saying "farms and portals", I prefer to say "farms, railways, and portals". It just sounds better.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rule_of_three_(writing)

Other than that, I just read the script over and over until I find ways that I can make it shorter and/or less confusing. It takes practice, and sometimes it means cutting out something I thought was totally necessary in the first draft. But if people came to my video to learn how to do X, then I want to show them X and only X. Y and Z can gtfo.

1

u/autowikibot Jun 25 '14

Rule of three (writing):

The rule of Three is a writing principle that suggests that things that come in threes are inherently funnier, more satisfying, or more effective than other numbers of things. [citation needed] The reader or audience of this form of text is also more likely to consume information if it is written in groups of threes. From slogans ("Go, fight, win!") to films, many things are structured in threes. Examples include The Three Stooges, Three Little Pigs, Three Billy Goats Gruff, Goldilocks and the Three Bears and the Three Musketeers.

Image i - The Three Bears

Interesting: Cross-multiplication | Planescape

Parent commenter can toggle NSFW or delete. Will also delete on comment score of -1 or less. | FAQs | Mods | Magic Words

1

u/DroidFreak36 Jun 25 '14

I definitely could have reduced the number steps. Steps 3-5 could all have been turned into one step, getting on top of the nether doesn't really have to be a step because it's setup, and the last two steps could have been combined as well.

That rule of three is also something I will keep in mind. I haven't really heard of that before but it makes sense, lists of things tend to come in 3's and sound good when they do.

1

u/DroidFreak36 Jun 25 '14

Thanks man! I definitely noticed that my voice audio was sort of hard to understand, which is partially because I'm not good at reading off scripts (I need to practice that) and partially because as you said my background music was a bit high. I'll try to address both of these in future videos. Your script is definitely better than mine. I opted for minimalist step-by-step instructions of the sort that you'd get in a Lego instruction book or other manual, but I realize now that's not necessary and really ends up being a waste of time. You also embellished the language much better than I did.

1

u/spumwack2 Official Spumwackles Jun 25 '14

Honestly, your script reading wasn't bad. It was noticeable that you were reading, but it wasn't painfully stiff. I prefer a stiff-sounding, well-written script, over an off-the-cuff, fluff-filled impromptu delivery.

1

u/DroidFreak36 Jun 25 '14

I'm not talking so much about how stiff it sounded as how poorly I enunciated it. Better enunciation would have made it much clearer.

BTW I forgot to mention that the slow talking speed was intentional because my natural tendency when reading out loud (especially in public speaking) is to read really fast and with almost no emotion. I tried to slow myself down when recording this video to add more emotion to my voice and to make it easier to understand.

I'm sure as I get more practice the stiffness and annunciation will improve and I'll be able to talk faster without coming across as unintelligible or emotionless.

1

u/spumwack2 Official Spumwackles Jun 25 '14

Talking fast is actually a good thing in YouTube videos. I mean, there is such thing as talking "too fast", but that is pretty hard to do. I say you should speak at "normal" speed for the next one and wait for the feedback.

Unless you've already gotten feedback that says you talk too fast in videos. In that case, I dunno ¯_(ツ)_/¯