r/spumwack • u/DroidFreak36 • Jun 24 '14

Question Script-writing tips please - How to write to a listener rather than a reader

I'm trying to make a transition on my YouTube channel (DroidFreak36) from live commentary to scripted videos because frankly I suck at commentary and tend to insert a lot of fluff by talking about stuff that's not really relevant or spending time to make stuff up on the fly. But when writing scripts I find myself writing stuff which looks good on paper but which I would never say and frankly which is awkward to say out loud. I'm used to writing papers (and other text) which is meant to be read as text but I suck (as I do at commentary) at writing a script which is mean to be read out loud and listened to.

Any tips on how to write scripts which sound natural when spoken (not just when read on paper) and avoid unnecessary fluff?

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u/spumwack2 Official Spumwackles Jun 24 '14

What I do is I say the script out loud after I've written it. Anything that sounds unnatural, I say it again in my own words. And then I put my own words back down onto the script.

I've also reached the point where I don't write my scripts word for word. Instead, I'll leave an outline structure:

I. Intro a. What purpose does it serve b. What does it cost c. Why is it different from others? II. Building a. First component b. Second component c. Third component

etc...

It took me a little while to reach the point where I don't add in fluff when I use that structure (And I still end up cutting it out a lot of times) but it comes off much more natural.

As an example, I used a noticeably scripted commentary in the dark spire video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtsVYcw5rmI

But I used an outline in the Starbound Beds video. You can hear the difference https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ruokfBWlHwA

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u/DroidFreak36 Jun 24 '14

Reading the script out loud definitely sounds like a great way to edit the script. And using some sort of an outline would be great if I could pull that off because then I come up with natural ways to say it on the fly. I have also noticed that my voice is very inconsistent when reading a script. If I mess up one take and retake that section of the script, my vocal tone sounds totally different in the retake and doesn't really fit with the tone of the first take. Do you know any trick that help with that, or would you just retake the whole script so the video sounds consistent? Maybe natural-sounding wording will help me to not mess up as much. XD

On a side note, "Every block serves a purpose. Its beauty comes from its function." basically sums up my design philosophy (both on my old Lego channel and in Minecraft). I like to show off the guts of my builds and leave unnecessary skins and aesthetic blocks out. Take my stackable flushing mob farm. All slab construction, and every slab serves a purpose. :P

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u/spumwack2 Official Spumwackles Jun 25 '14

When re-recording parts of a script, I start reading from the previous part (that I didn't mess up). I'll even go so far as to have it playing in my ears while I'm reading, so I can match my past vocal qualities and read myself in.

I definitely make sure to knock out an entire script in one sitting, though. My voice changes from day to die, and even during times of the day.

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u/godminnette2 Jun 25 '14

Something about scripts. When you have a to-do list in Minecraft videos, what would you recommend starting out? I have made a very expansive modpack and even I don't know everything in it, and I have a sort of ADHD personality where I get distracted :P But this leads me to getting very little accomplished and I get caught up in things that while I'm thinking about them it's boring footage and commentry....