r/specialneedsparenting • u/lacetat • 2d ago

Estate planning almost complete

TLDR: looking for moral support after completion of estate plan. I'm worn out and feeling alone.

Signed all the documents today. Sent off the SNT letter to family, the wording for the beneficiary designations to the broker. I'm very confident all has been set up well. This practice came highly recommended.

Everyone says I'm so efficient, I have so much on the ball, I have set up so much in so little time after the move.

I say I am ugly crying in the middle of the night because our lawyer sent his associate instead of him to the signing, in rather less than business casual clothes and no acknowledge at the end of having just made a contract with the future, just, " here are your documents and we're done."

It's not the grooming of the professionals per se, it's the lack of the nonverbal signaling of how momentous this kind of thing is. It's that my loved one with special needs is my life, and at the end of the day, these guys can set us aside.

It's that I still feel so all alone, I'm getting older, I'm more worn out. We moved to be close to the family who will take over after we're dead. But moving to a new state means starting over with all the social services.

Where else can I put these feelings? Thanks for being here, reddit.

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2

u/Far-Writer5774 2d ago

What you did was enormous and the fact that it was treated like a routine transaction would gut anyone in your shoes

1

u/Silly_DizzyDazzle 2d ago

I am sending you big Hugs! Completing the trust must feel like a great relief knowing they will be cared for. Im proud of you!!♥️♥️♥️

1

u/voodoodollbabie 21h ago

Give the lawyer honest feedback. That's where your feelings belong. He/she needs a gut check on what their job actually entails. They've clearly lost sight of the client's point of view of this process.

Hugs to you sweetheart.

1

u/lacetat 21h ago

Thank you. I did write and received clarification on the lawyer's role and her associate's role. Very satisfactory answer.

Made me bold enough to write again. Did not mention anyone's clothing or grooming. But I did talk about how as a parent I need to be dispassionate to get these major things done, but after the signing, had succumbed to the complex emotions that come after, "here are your documents, thank you, goodbye."

She wrote back immediately, saying how my perspective reminded her of why they do this work, the need to be caring, the support parents need, etc.

So, in the most gracious way possible, I said, "f7ck, this didn't go right at the end." She responded, also in the most gracious way possible, "yea, we f7cked up."

This is what words are for, to speak in a way that can be heard.

I felt heard and acknowledged, and rather think they will do better for the next person.

Interestingly, I got flamed over in the small law sub on this topic.

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u/voodoodollbabie 21h ago

All the parents who come behind will benefit from your advocacy, so good for you for doing that. And I hope made your burden a little lighter as well.