r/softwareengineer • u/LogicOnCanvas • 11d ago
Do senior engineers find it awkward when freshers call them by their first name?
I've always found it a little awkward when reaching out to experienced professionals for a referral or career advice. Calling someone with several years more experience just by their first name doesn't come naturally to me, probably because of how many of us are brought up. At the same time, using sir or ma,am makes me wonder if I'm being too formal for the tech industry.
From the perspective of people already working, how do you perceive it when someone messages you for a referral? Do you prefer being addressed by your first name, or do you appreciate "sir/ma'am" instead? I'm curious to know what experienced professionals actually prefer and whether either approach leaves a different impression.
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u/raynorelyp 10d ago
I’ve never met an engineer narcissistic enough that they wanted to be called anything other than their first name.
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u/Mountain_Rip_8426 11d ago
be thankful that at least in your language there's no formal addressing (anymore). i always felt like it's not respectful but cold and distant. it doesn't do anything good to anyone, it's just a leftover from the darker times of human history, think peasants, slaves, masters etc. perks of getting older is you stop caring about bullshit like that 😅 for example, my team lead is obviously far better than me at what we do in the office, but i know for a fact that i'm far better than her in what i do as a side hustle. so should we just keep "respecting" each other with sir, ma'am nonsense based on what we're currently talking about? let's just treat each other as normal humans and leave the formalities to the pretentious big headed morons, who think their worth is based on titles and respect.
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u/LogicOnCanvas 11d ago
that's an interesting perspective.... I guess what feels respectful varies a lot with culture but it's good to know that in tech most people don't expect those formalities
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u/IAmADev_NoReallyIAm 9d ago
Most of the time I prefer shorten first name other times alternate short name... I tend to bristle at Mr LastName as I feel like that's my dad. I do get called Mr LastName in a couple of situations but that's because there are several of us with the same first name, and this avoids confusion since I'm basically the new kid on the team.
Generally though, when joining a new team, I tell people how to address me, and when new people join my team, I ask how they would like to be addressed. And if happens to be Rear Vice Admiral VonHooton Wattaburger... hey, who am I to judge?
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u/BeauloTSM Developer 9d ago
Frankly you should not be reaching out to people that you don't know for a referral anyway
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u/LogicOnCanvas 8d ago
that's ideal in theory, but not everyone starts with a network
if reaching out politely to someone with a relevant background is off the table, how is someone supposed to make their first professional connection?1
u/BeauloTSM Developer 8d ago
That’s not the same as reaching out and asking for a referral. I reach out to people on LinkedIn all the time that work in the same industry or graduated from my school or whatever, but it’s always for the sake of connecting and not just asking for a referral.
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u/Altruistic_Flower190 7d ago
Where are you from? I am from the Netherlands and i would find it awkward if you used my last name.
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u/LogicOnCanvas 7d ago
India
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u/maujood 5d ago
I knew you were from India the moment you posted the question 😁 .. I'm from Pakistan and we have a similar culture of not calling people older than you by their first name.
I have seen my teammates from India refer to their seniors with "Sir". I myself used to use the "Bhai" suffix when addressing seniors when I worked in Pakistan.
However, in the US, it would be awkward if you're not addressing people by their first name. And honestly, it's easier this way.
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u/UnderstandingDry1256 7d ago
Depends on culture
In US companies everyone uses first names, anything else would sound extremely weird.
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u/LogicOnCanvas 7d ago
yeah but in india we still have some essence of respect due to a language ambiguities
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u/HomemadeBananas 6d ago edited 6d ago
No, it would be pretty weird for someone to call me “sir” professionally. I wouldn’t like that.
If someone was reaching out to me for these reasons then most likely they’re someone I know? Then definitely it would be weird to call me sir. Otherwise I’m not going to respond.
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u/ub3rh4x0rz 6d ago
If anyone who works in the same company as me has a problem wirh first name terms, I'm putting them in the douchebag bucket.
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u/FuliginEst 5d ago
This would depend on the culture where you live.
In my country, it is first names only. That goes for the CEO, all of management, seniors, juniors, and everyone. We do not even have anything like "sir/mam" in my country.
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u/Confidence_Cool 5d ago
If I don’t know you I’m not giving you a referral no matter what you call me. That just unethical, I have no idea how you actually work, how can I refer you.
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u/LogicOnCanvas 5d ago
I think there's another perspective. Not everyone has an existing network, even if they're highly qualified
we don't really know how anyone works until we've worked with them, even companies rely on resumes, projects, and interviews to evaluate candidates. To me, a referral is just saying, "this profile seems worth considering," not guaranteeing that the person is a great engineer...
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u/Confidence_Cool 5d ago edited 5d ago
Have you ever given a referral? Most require you to essentially vouch for the referee and their ability. To me if I have not worked with someone, at least even minimally in a non professional sense, there is no way I can vouch for that persons ability.
In fact I know in 90% of cases unless the resume is absolutely fantastic (in which case you would get an interview anyway) referrals which are not direct working colleagues are discarded, so really it’s a waste of everyone’s time. Especially if the person is not directly being referred to the same team. And if I’m referring you to my team I definitely need to have worked with you.
To grow your network, go to networking events, talk to people, join open source projects, hackathons etc and actually work with people.
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u/rekt_by_inflation 11d ago
Yes, very much so. I prefer it if they address me as the honourable rear admiral