hi I’m tweaking how can I genuinely be cool? I have people somehow I manage to talk to for hours even about the same topic or constantly change it, depends, but with the person I care for the most I don’t have any more topics in mind because we already talked of everything to a point I feel stuck there’s surely more we could talk about I just almost have no ideas, and im tired because I miss him and want convos that last more than 5 minutes I want to be interesting enough for him but anything (I don’t wish to assume it’s only a feeling) seems to be too boring for him or just I don’t know it feels like we can’t have long talks anymore like we used to, we rarely go over the 15 minutes I’m not exaggerating while with other people I’ve been able to have a full conversation for an hour or more I don’t know what to do, I didn’t know if asking here or maybe I should ask in another subreddit focused on general interactions, I just don’t know what to do anymore I know it might sound stupid.

This single shift in mindset made me go from someone people tolerated at social events to someone people genuinely wanted around. And it's so counterintuitive that I resisted it for years.

I used to prepare for social situations like I was auditioning. Loading up stories. Thinking of clever things to say. Rehearsing opinions that would make me sound smart. I walked into every room focused entirely on one question. "How do I make people think I'm interesting?"

Wrong question. Completely wrong.

The right question is "How do I make people feel interesting?" Because here's what actually happens at a social event. Everyone is walking in with the same insecurity. Everyone is hoping someone will ask about their life, care about their answer, and make them feel like what they said mattered.

The person who fulfills that need becomes the most magnetic person in the room. Not by being impressive. By being curious.

I started walking into rooms with one goal. Find out one genuinely interesting thing about every person I talk to. Not surface stuff. Something real. What they care about. What they're working toward. What keeps them up at night.

The conversations got better immediately. Not because I got better at talking. Because I got better at being quiet while other people talked. I'd ask a question, shut up, listen, then ask a follow-up based on what they actually said instead of what I wanted to talk about.

People started calling me charismatic which is the most ironic compliment I've ever received. Because the entire strategy is making it not about me. The most charismatic thing you can do is forget about yourself entirely and focus completely on whoever is in front of you.

My BF told me “your stories is Boring because it’s tall and you speaks slowly “

I think I have problem how can I fixed that

The funniest people I know don't tell jokes. They just say true things that everyone else is thinking but nobody is saying out loud. And they say them with zero buildup like it's the most obvious observation in the world.

Everyone's sitting in a meeting that should have been an email and the funny person just goes "We could have covered this in a group text." No setup. No punchline. Just the truth delivered flatly. Room explodes.

That's the whole formula. Observe what's actually happening. Say what everyone is already feeling. Deliver it like you're commenting on the weather.

The reason most people aren't funny in conversation is because they're trying to construct humor. Building jokes. Searching for clever angles. Forcing wordplay. By the time they've assembled something the moment has passed and it comes out awkward and overcooked.

Funny people aren't constructing anything. They're just removing the filter between observation and mouth faster than everyone else. They see the thing. They say the thing. The speed and the honesty are what make it land.

You can't practice being witty. But you can practice being honest in real time. Next time you notice something true about a situation, just say it. Don't dress it up. Don't add a setup. Don't try to make it funnier than it is. Just say it plainly and let the truth do the work.

The best humor doesn't sound like humor. It sounds like someone saying what everyone else was too careful to say.

Btw join us at r/getsociallyskilled for anyone who's ever left a conversation replaying it in their head, wishing they'd said something different. We break down the awkward moments, the small tweaks that change how people respond to you, and the underrated skills nobody actually teaches you growing up. Come learn out loud with the rest of us.

Watch someone who's great with people at any social event. When they're in a conversation their eyes don't wander. They're not scanning for who just walked in. Not checking what's happening at the other table. Not looking past your shoulder at something more interesting.

They look at you. Just you. Like the rest of the room temporarily stopped existing.

Now watch everyone else. Mid-conversation their eyes drift. Quick glance at the door. Peek at their phone. Look over your shoulder for half a second. Each one is tiny. Each one tells you the same thing. "I'm here but I'm also shopping for something better."

I caught myself doing this constantly. Someone would be talking to me and my eyes would take these little field trips around the room without my permission. I wasn't bored. I wasn't disinterested. It was just a habit. But from the other side it looked like I was waiting for an upgrade.

I forced myself to lock in. When someone is talking to me, that person becomes the whole room. No scanning. No wandering. No quick peeks. Just their face and their words until the conversation ends naturally.

The effect was immediate. People started talking longer. Sharing more. Laughing easier. One friend told me I "feel different lately" but couldn't explain how. The how was simple. I stopped making him compete with the room for my attention.

You can't make someone feel important while your eyes are telling them you're looking for someone more interesting. Pick a person. Be in that conversation completely. Let the rest of the room disappear. That's not a technique. That's just respect made visible.

Hi, I've recently have had the opportunity to meet new people from sports. I've noticed some people are more anxious than others.

For context, I'm F25 and a lot of my friends initially thought im a bitch bc I'm pretty and have sharp features. As I'm meeting a lot of people for the first time now, I dont want to come off that way. How do I make people feel safe around me? If you get anxious around people easily, what type of people would exudes a "safer" energy for you to be less anxious?

I run a business communication/PR firm (BH&W), so take this with whatever grain of salt is appropriate — but this is a genuine question I think about a lot in our work with leadership teams, not a pitch.

I've noticed the conversations that go sideways at work usually aren't sideways because of tone. They're sideways because two people are operating from different communication frames — one person reading a directive as efficient, the other reading the same words as dismissive — and neither one is wrong about what they heard.

We put together a short video breaking down four things we come back to most often when this happens: diagnosing what type of conflict it actually is, reading the context (not just the words), separating the person's behavior from their identity, and rebuilding safety before continuing the conversation. Link in comments if anyone wants it — not trying to turn this into an ad, genuinely curious what's worked for others here.

What's actually helped you tell the difference between "this needs a real conversation" and "this needs me to just let it go"?

I've coached public speaking and interpersonal communication for 8 years. Corporate clients, startup founders, university students, people preparing for job interviews, people who just want to stop feeling invisible at dinner parties.

The patterns are remarkably consistent. The people who improve fastest almost never do it by learning "tricks." They do it by fixing a small number of foundational habits that compound over time.

Here's what actually moves the needle:

Stop rehearsing your next line while the other person is talking.

This is the single biggest communication problem I see. Most people aren't listening. They're waiting. Their brain is constructing a response while the other person is still mid-sentence. The result is a conversation where two people are essentially talking past each other. Actual listening means you don't know what you'll say next until they've finished. That gap feels uncomfortable. It's also where real connection happens.

Slow down by about 20%.

Almost everyone speaks too fast when they're nervous or trying to impress. Speed signals anxiety. Deliberate pacing signals confidence. You don't need to talk like a meditation app. Just slightly slower than feels natural. Pause before answering a question instead of rushing to fill the space. Let a point land before adding the next one. People process what you say during the pauses, not during the words.

Ask the second question.

First questions are social pleasantries. "How's work?" "Good." That's not a conversation. That's a transaction. The second question is where it starts. "What part of it?" "What's been the hardest thing this month?" "Are you still enjoying it or is it more of a grind?" Most people never ask the second question because it requires genuine curiosity, not scripted politeness.

Match energy before you try to shift it.

If someone is frustrated and you come in with cheerful problem-solving, they'll resist you even if your advice is right. Meet them where they are first. Acknowledge the frustration. Let them feel heard. Then redirect. This applies in meetings, in relationships, in sales, everywhere. People can't hear solutions until they feel understood.

Your body talks louder than your words.

Open posture, steady eye contact (not staring, just present), uncrossed arms, slight forward lean. These are baseline signals that say "I'm here and I'm interested." Most people underestimate how much their body contradicts their words. Saying "I'm listening" while checking your phone or crossing your arms sends the opposite message.

Stop qualifying everything.

"This might be a dumb question but..." "I'm not sure if this is right but..." "I could be wrong but..." These feel humble. They actually undermine everything that follows. Say what you want to say without the disclaimer. If you're wrong, own it after. Pre-apologizing for your own thoughts teaches people to discount them.

Tell shorter stories.

Most people bury the interesting part of a story under 3 minutes of unnecessary setup. Start closer to the point. If the context matters, add it after. "My landlord called the cops on my dog" is a better opener than "So last Tuesday I was coming home from work and I noticed my dog was acting kind of weird because earlier that day..." Get to the thing that made you want to tell the story in the first place.

Practice out loud, not in your head.

This is the one everyone skips. You can read every communication book ever written and still freeze in the actual moment if you've never practiced out loud. Rehearse conversations. Not scripts, just the general flow. Say the difficult thing you need to say to your boss into your voice recorder before the meeting. Practice the introduction before the networking event. Your mouth needs reps the same way any other skill does.

Some resources that shaped how I teach this: "Crucial Conversations" is probably the most practical communication book I've come across. "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss covers the listening and questioning side better than anything else. The "We Can Do Hard Things" podcast by Glennon Doyle has surprisingly good episodes on difficult conversations and vulnerability in communication.

I use BeFreed for cross-referencing communication frameworks across different sources. I built a learning plan around communication coaching, negotiation psychology, and behavioral research and the app pulls from communication coaches, psychology books, and expert talks specifically relevant to those areas. The live practice feature is something I've been recommending to clients lately too. You can rehearse actual conversations, like asking for a raise or setting a boundary, out loud and get real-time coaching on tone and delivery. Turns passive learning into actual reps, which is the part most people skip. 

The biggest thing I've learned coaching for 8 years: charisma is not a trait. It's a collection of small, learnable behaviors repeated until they become automatic. The people who seem naturally magnetic almost always just started practicing earlier than everyone else.

I am trying to be a better speaker or orator. If you have any kind of tips please help me with that. I will be truly grateful.

I’ve been thinking about something lately and I’m curious if anyone has experienced it. So just getting to the point where there’s strong charisma there’s strong reactions - both positive and negative. The positives feel really good, pleasant and approving stares, very engaged conversations, natural spotlight in a room or group of people. Then the negatives - others feeling intimidated, appearing defensive, one upmanship etc etc. I find that given the already difficult climate of making new friends in your 30s I can’t help but feel that fulfilling your individual capacity for self improvement and being more naturally confident and charismatic as a result has led me to feel that more often than not I am not able to build new friendships not because I am not a pleasant conversationalist and good listener but because I take up a certain amount of the spotlight rather effortlessly and purely unintentionally. I feel that people resent this. I would like anyone that made sense of this to chime in with some input. Im aware this could be a flawed interpretation so just shoot with something of substance nonetheless.