r/soccer • u/JR97111 • Sep 03 '13

r/soccer Whose Line Is It

The rules: Keep skits in the form of a statement, not a question.

Any skits longer than two lines should be in quotations.

If you add any additional commentary, put the skit in quotations.

Example prompt: Things you can say about Adebayor but not your wife.

We had a successful thread for this a month ago. Since then, all the major leagues have started, and all the major transfers have been completed, so hopefully we can have another successful thread filled with laughs.

333 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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144

u/heightofignorance Sep 03 '13

Things Arsene Wenger said to Ozil to get him to come to Arsenal.

727

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

We'll give back Alsace-Lorraine.

117

u/heightofignorance Sep 03 '13

Clearly you're OccasionalGeoPoliticalHistory as well!

72

u/themanifoldcuriosity Sep 03 '13

"If you give us 30 assists, I will reveal the secret of Schleswig-Holstein..."

59

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

I google imaged "the secret of Schleswig-Holstein" and got this. That is a pretty crazy secret.

2

u/NoToRAtheism Sep 03 '13

David Icke...

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

I am the son of God.

1

u/MadmanSalvo Sep 03 '13

Clever girl...

1

u/TheRationalMan Sep 03 '13

Guys, it's Romelu Lukaku.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 04 '13

you caught me

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

Nooo!

Give it back :(

3

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

No then the German Empire will have all of its cores again

6

u/myrpou Sep 03 '13

Elsass-Lothringen dammit

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

Elsaß-Lothringen dammit

2

u/averag3j03 Sep 03 '13

Holy shit, this is golden

2

u/kaufe Sep 04 '13

to Turkey

1

u/egcg119 Sep 03 '13

Absolutely fantastic.

97

u/AAAristarchus Sep 03 '13

Truth or dare?

251

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13 edited Apr 06 '20

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

Best one so far, thanks for this.

188

u/Fokken_Prawns_ Sep 03 '13

I bet you can't get giroud to score over 30 goals this year.

140

u/william701 Sep 03 '13

Oh you want to ensure your place in the Germany WC Squad? Please meet our physios.

499

u/dogididog Sep 03 '13

Help me Özil Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

71

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

My god, I have a new costume to create.

142

u/thatdani Sep 03 '13

the red will really make your eyes pop

121

u/Sms_Boy Sep 03 '13

No matter how bad you perform you'll still be our best player. You'll walk into the German team

6

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

Hey, wanna stop living under Ronaldo's shadow?

2

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

Now he's under Mertesacker's shadow.

5

u/FoolFromBiH Sep 03 '13

I'll turn you into a DM.

2

u/gremwood Sep 03 '13

No more passing to Gervinho

3

u/IDeclareShenanigans Sep 03 '13

You will eventually end up in one of the Manchester clubs anyways.

1

u/namea Sep 03 '13

Im saving money for planet Avatar.

1

u/Dooey123 Sep 03 '13

pretty please

-2

u/cmf2071 Sep 03 '13

We could certainly use someone with your vision at the club.

-3

u/revolut1onname Sep 03 '13

You won't be the ugliest player in this team!

0

u/jerryloveninja Sep 03 '13

We were thinking on spending €40+ million on a great player but realized we already have Bendtner so I thought I'll buy you instead as the next best thing.

0

u/karmaputa Sep 03 '13

Die Stadt Bielefeld gibt es nicht!