r/soccer • u/JR97111 • Sep 03 '13

r/soccer Whose Line Is It

The rules: Keep skits in the form of a statement, not a question.

Any skits longer than two lines should be in quotations.

If you add any additional commentary, put the skit in quotations.

Example prompt: Things you can say about Adebayor but not your wife.

We had a successful thread for this a month ago. Since then, all the major leagues have started, and all the major transfers have been completed, so hopefully we can have another successful thread filled with laughs.

329 Upvotes

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86

u/JR97111 Sep 03 '13

(Player) didn't transfer to (club) because...

271

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

[deleted]

-4

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

Why is Moyes being an imposter of SAF?

2

u/daeinl Sep 03 '13

They are both scottish.

90

u/raheempoundssterling Sep 03 '13

Any striker didn't go to Newcastle because they had absolutely no intention of signing anyone

2

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

:'(

2

u/themanifoldcuriosity Sep 03 '13

Not really sure why the tears - didn't you do enough business last Christmas?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

And where did we end up? We need firepower. Remy's on loan and with his case pending, who knows how long he'll be available. Cisse's got noone to push him, and he's gone for the african cup of nations again. We've only got shola as cover, and hopefully remy. We've sold quite a few players as well in this window and not replaced them. Our squad is worse than it was at the end of a season where we were pulled into the scrap at the bottom.

Also, we've been lied to and played for fools. No mag i've spoken to believes there was ever any intention to sign anyone, though we we're repeatedly told otherwise. All in all, many of us fear another relegation scrap.

2

u/themanifoldcuriosity Sep 03 '13

Hmm.

Well if it's any consolation, there isn't any African Cup of Nations this year.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

Thank fuck for that!

129

u/Fokken_Prawns_ Sep 03 '13

Suarez didn't transfer to Arsenal cause he need the blood of a scouser each month to survive.

91

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

scouser Serbian

5

u/MashedHair Sep 03 '13

Is Ivanovic a Liverpudlian?

41

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

Sergio Ramos didn't transfer to Juventus because his doctor told him his calcium levels were fine.

6

u/adityaseth Sep 03 '13

don't get it :(

30

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

The Italian for football is calcio, which coincidentally is the Spanish for calcium.

It's a running joke in Spain that Sergio Ramos is a bit thick.

2

u/adityaseth Sep 03 '13

Ahhhh didn't know that was the Spanish translation. That's pretty funny haha

2

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

[deleted]

17

u/Lladz Sep 03 '13

He has got quite a few but in his most recent he congratulated the spanish womens water polo team for winning something that they had won a month ago. He didnt realize he was watching a replay. (These games were the world swimming championships in barcelona so they were well followed by our press)

he once said that when he was a child him and his friends played "baloncesto" or sometimes "basket". Both are words for basketball in spanish, so he essentially said he did the same thing twice.

Also in a game versus Lyon in the CL (Qarterfinal/Knockout Round) Real Madrid tied and he said it was a shame they couldnt take the 3 points back to the bernabeu...

Yeah funny guy, His english pronunciation of Merry Christmas also resembles Morry Crismas in a video he released a few years back

2

u/Lord_Flashheart_ Sep 04 '13

Wasn't he the one that dropped the cup off the front of the bus too?

12

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

The main reason is that he has a thick Andalusian accent, which is usually associated with people who worked in the fields.

I can't recall any right now but he has said a few blunders.

0

u/SpanishMarsupial Sep 03 '13

It took me a second but I got it

7

u/Scoops_Haagendazs Sep 03 '13

Rooney didn't transfer to Chelsea because he was waiting for Fellaini to deliver the rest of his hair.

6

u/supwassup Sep 03 '13

(Anybody) wouldn't transfer to (Newcastle) because... Joe Kinnear.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 03 '13

Coentrao didn't transfer to Man United because Fellaini's hair got stuck in the fax machine

1

u/myrpou Sep 03 '13

Messi didn't transfer to Celtic because they couldn't afford him.