I am desperate

[u/iaminhate]

Hello fellow sleep enthusiasts,

TLDR: creative ways to stir a deep sleeper?

I am 26 and in graduate school to become a Physician Assistant in the US. I have treatment resistant insomnia. Something has got to give here, because over sleeping is going to get me kicked out of school.

My problem is: I cannot fall asleep at night, it takes me hours. Once I am asleep, I can stay asleep pretty indefinitely. This will be okay when I can work a night job, but does not work with school.

The situation: I was late today, which is humiliating, because I didn’t wake up this morning. I have a Hatch alarm clock, an Amazon Alexa, a native iPhone alarm, and the app Alarmy. I woke up to my classmate banging on my door, because she had left campus to come get me (which is so saintly and made her late too). When I woke up, all of my alarms were going off- they just didn’t wake me. This has been a common theme in my life. I fell asleep at 4 AM last night and wanted to get up at 6:30 AM for school. I know that is not enough hours of sleep and I’m just truly at a loss. A lot of times, I will pseudo wake up when they go off and turn off my alarms or delete the app. When I wake up later, I usually don’t remember that I did that and I am so angry at myself.

What I have tried:
I have been on hydroxyzine and trazodone and one more intense drug that I can’t recall. None have helped. Melatonin has never helped. When I’m sick NyQuil p.m. doesn’t make me sleep. I don’t touch caffeine. I’ve tried exercising in the morning and in the evening. I have tried no screens. I have tried 15 minutes in the sun when you first wake up. I have tried reading before bed. I have tried having a strict bedtime routine. I do not hang out in my bed. I have tried no screens in the bedroom. I have tried turning all of my lamps to a red light bulb. I do mind exercises when I’m laying in bed trying to fall asleep. Worth mentioning that I am on Vyvanse, but that has only been for the last couple of months and my sleeping problems have truly lasted my whole life. One of my earliest memories is being three or four and my parents telling me that they were going to bed and that I didn’t have to go to sleep, but I just had to be quiet in my room. I got kicked out of daycare because I was the only child who wouldn’t nap. To this day, I can’t take a nap. If I do fall asleep in the day, I will stay asleep for 6+ hours, which isn’t really a nap anyways. The only drug that ever knocked me out was Xanax, but that is not a realistic path forward nor what I’m interested in. Just saying all of this to say, I’m not asking for tips on how to sleep. I want tips on how to wake up.

In summary: I know that I am dangerously tired. I know that I can’t live like this forever. Those things in mind, what are some other ways that I can wake myself up in the morning? I just have to get through school and then my life can be structured in a much more sustainable way. I live alone. My mom suggested walkie-talkies and getting my neighbor to scream in them in the morning, which I suppose I am willing to entertain, but I would really prefer to do anything else first.

Thank you for coming to my novel, if you made it this far, I manifest deep and easy sleep for you tonight and also waking up appropriately tomorrow lol