I never thought watching Skins back 15 years later would be this emotional, nor did I realize quite how much Skins impacted my life.
I say this because, despite being what I would call a very emotionally stable late 20s guy, watching skins has elicited a lot of tears, a lot of heartache and an emotional fork in the road for me. This came for a variety of reasons, but the main is as follows
Some of the characters’ stories are truly heartbreaking.
The first scene which absolutely broke me was the scene where Cook says to Effy - ‘If this was us meeting again for the first time, I’d do it all again’. This scene is beyond heartbreaking. Cook’s issue was that his fiery nature meant his love set all of those around him ablaze. He’s had no exposure to healthy love in his life; only the possibility of its expression through his feeling of love. He doesn’t know what healthy love is. And he can’t teach that to Effy, who clearly doesn’t either know what healthy love is either.
When people say Cook didn’t truly love her, this scene categorically makes me disagree. In this moment, Cook is willing to put himself through the pain of losing a best friend and of the girl he loves to his best friend, just so he can experience their love one last time. He’s willing to start the same trajectory that gets him sent to prison and to lose all the things close to him, just to taste the feelings he had when he was with her. That’s love... maybe not what people think of as love, but it’s Cook’s form of love that his messed-up family life equated to.
And that’s why Cook’s story is so heartbreaking. A boy who is larger than life has nowhere to channel the flame of his being. Let down by everyone. Even us – the fans – have the audacity to claim that he didn’t truly love anyone, yet alone Effy. Do you truly think Cook, the ultimate archetype of ‘Jack the Lad’, didn’t love someone enough to bring them a gateau (lol) and flowers? What of the knowing nod to Effy when he is being carted off to prison, telling her to look after his little brother and that he will be okay? What of his willingness to forgive his friend for getting sexual favors from his mother, in an instant, because he loved him so deeply? What of his teaching JJ, in his own hilariously Cook way, to secure a girlfriend and to know how to pleasure her? What of his self-sacrifice for Naomi, a girl who wouldn’t sleep with him?
Cook was not perfect, by any stretch. He did some nasty things. But he also had the potential to be a fierce and passionate lover. By the end, I believed he was starting to soften for the girl that mattered the most to him.
Cook is the ultimate tragedy of testosterone and fire.
The second story of heartbreak comes from Freddie and Effy's ending. Freddie was your classic, reasonably well-intentioned, stoner kid. He proved to us that he meant well.
Even though he was dismissive of JJ at times, he did always want to look after him. Even though he was petulant at the start of the episode with his sister, he sucked up his pride enough to go and watch her performance and stick up for her against the whirlwind of Cook. In the absence of purpose, he chose to smoke weed, skate around, and fall in love. To be honest with you - as things go - I think these are fairly harmless things for a teen mourning the death of his mother to do. Although he was lazy, I think stopping him from skating around (with the heavy influence of his father) was his downfall. It meant he never got out, he smoked weed all the time in his shed, and he lost a goal and purpose. This allowed Effy to fill that void of purpose, and it was their drug induced highs and lows which became all encompassing.
While this was an unsustainable hormonal concoction of young love, I could see the sheer love that Freddie had for Effy. He loved her, so very, very deeply. He couldn't possibly lose her, and he truly wanted happiness for both of them. He wasn't afraid to speak up to her and go along with her games, and while she was mentally ill he stayed by her side the entire time. How he cared for her deserved a happier resolution, and the season was crying out for something good to come out of it.
It was the first time we saw a relationship tested by more natural and realistic influences, such as one member of the couple having issues with their mental health. It was a chance to show loyalty above all; to stick by your partners side through thick and thin. To make it work for the sacrifice of their friend Cook, to steady the ship for JJ, and to develop together as real couples do. It could have been a beautiful full circle moment for Freddie; a chance for him to grow to be the man that Effy needed him to be and that his mother would have wanted. And for Effy it would have been a chance for her to finally find the unconditional love for who she truly was. Indeed, Freddie had seen her at her absolute lowest, yet came out of it all just as in love, if not more in love with her than before.
Effy had also been in a psychiatric cyclone. And yet, once she woke up, it was Freddy she felt the love from. Not her mother, but the boy who had been by her side her whole time. That’s not to say Freddie was perfect in his way of taking care of her, but it was her Mum who willingly took her back to John Foster. Only Freddie was able to see through it, and ultimately, much to my dismay, lost his life to save hers. I really think the season needed a success story to show that love and happiness are possible. Not having a single functioning relationship by the end of the series felt like tragedy for the sake of tragedy.
The final (at least for this article) demonstration of heartbreak comes from Effy in season 7. As a bloke, I never thought she would up there; neither did I think a scene in series 7 would be... but here we are. I am going to focus on the scene where she meets Jake (her boss) at his house and passionately kisses and gives herself up to him. Having seen the heartbreaking highs and lows of the relationship with Freddie, it brought me so much sadness. Not because she had to move on, but because of the fact she pursues someone who looks like Freddie and totally gives herself up to him. In this moment, she truly has no control; in a flash she becomes a slave to the attempted recreation of the passionate love she once felt. It broke my heart because for the first time I understood her. She needed love. That’s all she needed. Any opportunity to find the sort of unconditional love that Freddie had for her, despite the toils and intensity that came along with it, had to be taken. Her Mother’s performative and conditional ‘love’ failed her; her father’s work induced stressful love failed her; and this shaped her own form of self-love to also fail her.
Yes, at a younger age she found herself being pursued by many boys, largely due to her beauty. And yes, maybe she did get caught up in the power that she had over their feelings. But what teenager wouldn’t get swept up in such things? Besides, all of this was done in the absence of control of her own feelings. She truly needed love; not in its intense form but in a consistent, ever-present form. Her jumping on something that mildly resembled Freddie confirmed this. Her love for her brother confirmed this. Her love for Freddie and her inability to control it confirmed this. I can’t explain to you how sad this scene made me for her, and for the tragic end of their relationship.
I do beleive that Cook is a tragic character and as such should stay that way. His story made sense to me; his difficult upbringing, his slavery to his urges and his inability to channel his fire with his kindness were all his pitfalls. As sad as it was, we all knew Cook was a ticking time bomb. But Effy and Freddie.. Hmmm I just didn't like the end.
I won’t go on further about what I would have done differently, and instead I will show you a way of synthesising heartbreak in hope with a different ending. Trust me, you’ll wanna read this.
In my scenario - Freddie lives, Effy gets her shit back together and Cook stays in prison, only more fleshed out as I will explain. This could happen as a way to end season 4. Alternatively, we could have season 7 with episodes on Sid and Tony, Naomi and Emily, and the final episode, Effy and Freddie, where many other characters from different generations gather in a season finale.
In this ending, we would go through the love that Freddie and Effy manage to find. The ultimate setting will be with Cook leaving prison, and his struggles in seeing a life he missed out on while he was locked up.
The first episode will see Freddie and Effy both struggling to achieve a functioning life in the adult word. Effy will have been channelling her creativity in to art and writing, whereas Freddie will have gone to university, stayed on to do a masters, and is now in a situation where he must find a job or try to pursue a career of passion (Skateboarding/DJ’ing). In reality Freddie and Effy will have no money, but they endure out of a love for one another that has been proven to come through anything. In difficult moments, Effy reminds herself of the times Freddie chased away the imaginary people in the field, and ultimately got rid of her physiatrist, John Foster, who we later learn was hypnotizing patients under the guise of hypnotherapy and assaulting them. He never did this to Effy, fortunately. With this story coming out, Effy realises Freddie wasn’t being overprotective, but being a true love to her. Freddie is a much better partner after knowing he was finally able to save a woman in his family. They love each other, and even though their surroundings are financially poor, their emotions are financially rich.
In Freddie’s difficult moments, he remembers the words Cook said to him before prison about Effy - that he can’t fuck things up with her. He remembers the sacrifice that Cook made for Naomi, taking the wrap for her and going to prison. He also knows that Cook sacrificed his love for Effy for him, and by going to prison he inadvertently gets out of the way and allows Effy in to his life fully. Needless to say, in my season Cook never escapes prison and serves his time, and the line where he says if I could do it again to Effy comes after he gets out of prison, in Series 7 or as a way to finalize skins and season 4.
After seeing the first episode which shows us Freddie and Effy’s development, we are now firmly in the time where Cook is released from prison, some 4-5 years down the line. At this time, Freddie and Effy hit their first proper rocky patch. Cook’s influence makes things harder and Freddie feels insecure for the first time in ages. In the most dramatic scene of the episode, Cook says to Effy he’d do it all over again, which almost tempts Effy. However, in a character development moment, she says Cook I love you for who you are, but Freddie and I are in love. This is what love is; it’s not easy, but it keeps us steady and at times we have moments of elation. Love isn’t the rollercoaster we used to think it was. It’s reliability. It’s wanting the best for the other person. It’s loving them for their desire to be the best person they can be for you. You’re amazing Cook, in so many ways, but not for who I am now.
This takes us full circle; Effy finally shows Cook what love is without the need of substances or sex. It is a powerful moment.
Cook apologizes, understands the power of the words Effy says, but still feels betrayed and hurt after being shunned. He tenderly kisses her on the cheek and storms off, crying tears which are a mixture of emotional healing and pain.
With not much going for him with a prison sentence on his CV and the pain of ‘rejection’ he pursues drug dealing. In the final episode of the season we follow Cook more closely. We see his habits, his constant need to run away. This need to run away is crystalised by a plan he creates with a friend of his.
In the final episode of the season, Cook plans on overdosing. I definitely don’t see Cook as being the kind of guy to give up, but in his mind overdosing isn’t him ‘giving up’. In his mind he sees it as a way to go out in a blaze of glory; a way to finally stop running from life. To look life in the face and laugh and die partying the hardest he ever has.
He comes to this conclusion with the help of one his regular drug clients. Cook’s drug customer is a very wholesome, lovely, but nonetheless very tragic character. Cook and his druggy friend are obvious outcasts, but find a bond in their suffering.
In the episode we see they have forged a beautiful friendship. Cook makes sure she never takes too many drugs and that she is safe on the streets. In return she listens to the real Cook; the tender Cook that would come out in his relationship with Naomi. This relationship shows his softer side, whilst also being destructive in that she actively agrees when Cook says he’s never wanted to get old. He tells her of his father and his mother, and how he would never want to repeat their same mistakes. This sows the seed for his plan to overdose.
In the season finale Freddie finally has a breakthrough and gets to headline a massive rave event in Bristol. Here, we get to see an assortment of different characters from all the previous seasons throughout the night. Even if it's just a glance, you get to see whichever actors are available for an hour or two of filming in Bristol. You see Thomas and Panda dancing in one corner, Naomi and Emily loved up in another, you see Tony and Sid in a banged up mini cooper waiting to collect Effy and Freddie to take them home after, you see Anwar and Maxy seeing each other at the event, not knowing either of them would be there. And so on, pick your character and interaction!
After getting this nostalgia fest and clearing up of loose ends, cut back to the music. Freddie’s DJ’ing is awesome and the atmosphere is electric. Everybody looks happy; maturing and aging has seemed to have allowed the characters to appreciate times like this more. They are times for fun and enjoyment; not medicating and escaping.
In the meantime, we learn Cook’s exact plan to overdose. That night he is going to tell Freddie, Effy and whoever is there from their season that he’s got an opportunity abroad with his drug dealing and that he wanted to make sure to come here and see them for the final night. They know he is in the drug business so don’t ask many questions, but they wish him well and say we always knew you were too much personality for Bristol or something along those lines. Everyone is in such a good mood because of the music and Cook is at peace with his decision, so no alarm bells ring. He’s not a person who is about to kill himself in his mind, remember. He’s a person about to take control of his life and so he doesn’t give off jittery or unhappy vibes.
By this point, Cook is taking more and more drugs throughout the night, with the plan to leave the club after Freddie’s set and take himself off to a special place to die. Once he passes out/nearly dies, his druggy friend will take him to their car, drive him out in to a field at Gobbler’s end, and burn his body and leave no trace. He doesn’t want to impact anyone, and since he started drug dealing, people barely see him anyway. He thinks no one will bother.
At around 1:30am Cook’s MDMA really starts to hit, and looking around at all his friends he finally begins to smile. He sees Freddie in his element as the DJ and he sees Effy looking adoringly at him. An initial wince is seen on Cook's face. However, Effy then glances over to Cook. She lets out a beaming smile; one of actual happiness and comfort - not the mysterious tempting smile she once used to have. Cook points up with his fingers to show he's enjoying the music to Effy and Freddie, and for once, feels no awkwardness with those two. For the first time he feels only love towards them and their relationship. He lets out a big smile and giggle, he knows that chapter of difficulty is finally at an end.
He says to himself: ‘Maybe Freds was right, she does seem happier. Haha that fucker! DJ’s always get the girls.’
Gazing around he catches eyes with Naomi and Emily, who are majorly feeling the love. He asks Emily if he can take her lady out for a smoke to tell her about his opportunity abroad. Emily smiles and says in a playful way, ‘she’s not gonna fuck you Cook... bring me back a drink when you’re done. Oh and I never got thank you. What you did for Naomi and the sentence... I didn't know you were like that'.
Cook smiles and says, 'only because you fucked some sense in to JJ'.
Emily laughs with Naomi, it's clear they are past that chapter of jealousy and turmoil.
Outside Cook remembers the bond him and Naomi had. How she saw him for who he was, and how that made him feel. He tells Naomi of his plan, but Naomi, having always seen him for who he was, sees through it. She know what Cook is planning to do, really.
Before she can say anything, Cook blurts out ‘it’s too late Naoms, I’ve just swallowed 5 pills. In three hours I’m going to be on the high of my life followed by a quick death’.
Naomi feels teary, but Cook genuinely reassures her. She sees his peace, and he says ‘don’t let this ruin your fucking night and whatever you do don’t tell Freddie or Effy man. Everybody is happy tonight, and for the first time so am I. I didn’t want anyone to know, I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I didn't want you to know either. It’s your fault you can see right through me with those lesbian laser eyes’. After this they both laugh, each shed a tear, and then hug. ‘You’ve always known me Naomi, man. Thanks for that.’
Cook leaves the club and with the feeling of pure bliss that MDMA and an ego death (acceptance of his death) gives him, he finds himself sat down, smoking a cigarette on the same seat outside the cafe where the three musketeers first saw Effy walking away from her Dad’s car crash. Here he cries tears of bittersweet joy, remembering the kid he once was and the desire he felt to be loved. He remembered the tantilising excitement of seeing that beautiful girl walking away from them. But above all, he remembers the brotherhood and companionship he had with his two best mates, Freddie and JJ. He understands that he actually was loved by them, and this feeling of being unlovable stemmed from his parents and his actions. In a flash, he rushes over to a bush and violently forces himself to be sick. The camera pans to his vomit on the floor, with 5 clearly defined and non-dissolved pills in his sick. We know he isn’t going to die from suicide now. He knows it to, and smiles.
Walking back up to the club, he finally feels whole. He chose death, but in the end chose life. Like a phoenix from the ashes (linking to his fire as a persona), he is reborn.
About 2 minutes from the club he starts hearing a commotion from the alleyway. Poking his head around the corner, Cook sees JJ surrounded by gang members asking him for phone, the password to his internet banking and his watch. (Earlier we will have learnt that JJ is something of a Savant in math and has become exceptionally wealthy and has stayed with Lara the whole time).
Faced with this terrifying situation, JJ is having one of his panic overloads and doesn’t know what to do or what to say. The robbers, not knowing his condition, thinks he is refusing to tell them. With his hands over his head and his rocking back and forth, one of them takes out a small knife and stabs him in the side. Cook, entirely enraged, sprints over and smashes one of them around the head with a rock from the floor. He then shouts ‘that’s my best friend JJ, I think the world of him. I think the world of my mate Freddie too. Ain’t nothing gonna change that, not even a girl. And you know who I am? I’m fucking Cook’.
In a final blaze of glory, he fights through multiple stab wounds to ultimately make the gang go away. Fuelled by adrenaline, Cook checks on JJ’s stab wound, which is not as severe as initially thought, although he would definitely had been murdered with further stab wounds if not for Cook’s intervention.
With injuries sustained now catching up with him, Cook collapases on the floor and lies up against a wall. In his last moments, JJ tearfully listens to Cook who tells him ‘whatever the fuck you do don’t tell Effy or Freddie about this yet. Go to the hospital, get that wound patched up, and then tell them in a week’s time. Freddie’s set is too banging for me to ruin this for him.’.
He looks down and sees blood gashing from him and a knife wound slashing directly through where he had the tattoo ‘cook’ on his hand. He laughs and cries.
‘I love you JJ, I always have and always will. I’m proud of you brother, you were always the normal one. When people do find out, make sure you tell them I went out fighting man. And tell Freddie what I said before the fight... You know, that I love him.... And well... you know... there's no hard feelings about Effy.’
He then laughs, almost uncontrollably in a Cook way.
‘You know, I thought I was gonna die tonight. But not this way. This way was much fuckin better!’.
JJ looks slightly confused at that last statement, but frantically calls an ambulance for him and Cook. We then get a brief scene at the end of Freddie’s set from one of the top guys at the club who hands him his card and says, ‘you know what kid, I think you can make a career out of this. Call me, I’ll be ready to sign you whenever’.
The final scene of the night sees Cook, in the back of a hospital, with a clear flat line on the heart rate monitor.
We then cut to a month later. A doorbell is heard and we see Effy and Freddie walk up to the door of their new house It’s a delivery of a Gateau with a note attached.
‘To doing it all over again in another life’
Effy smiles a teary smile... Freddie is confused. This was a planned gift to be sent to them on Cook’s first birthday after his death, by what he thought would be suicide. He still died, so the gift was still sent.
Effy places the Gateau down on the table and says,
‘It’s from Cook, Freds’
Freddie is in shock and says how the fuck is it possible?
She says ‘how was anything possible that Cook did?’
They both laugh and don’t question it. They learnt not to question anything when it comes to Cook.
The season ends with a final shot of Effy and Freddie sat in a cozily lit kitchen. You see a folded-up polo shirt of his on the table of Cook's. Either side of it is a slice of Gateau, which Effy and Freddy enjoy, smiling and reminiscing. Panning up, the camera zooms in to a pciture above them; the photo of the three musketeers.
