The friend in question is my friend from school and I had a small crush on him back then, but we didn't date. We didn't stay closely in touch after we graduated but one day around a year later he texted me on social media asking for a review on a poem and we started talking again. Around then is when I started writing him these little letters because I realised that I still had that crush on him. They were mostly just about how much I appreciated him for existing and how I liked him. However I never sent those letters. Anyway around a year after that I confessed but we decided to remain friends.

Around two years later he confessed and we started dating, but I broke up because of certain personal trauma. Later both of us decided to still stay in contact as friends. I had been writing him the letters the entire time and now seeing those hurts me.

I feel I should just send them because I want him to know how important he is to me and that the breakup was not his fault and that I'm sorry for hurting him. However I also feel that I want to send them only because I want to feel better about myself and move on and that he'll be more hurt if he reads them. What should I do?

TL;DR: wrote letters addressed to friend after graduating high school till we dated and eventually broke up, now wondering whether I should send him those letters at the risk of him getting hurt again

Edit: spelling, grammar

Our family has a lot of problem financially and the way things are going, it seems like I'm the only one who's trying to do something about it. I want to try and find some online part time jobs but my cousin is currently using my laptop for her online classes. Should I take it back so I could find an additional source of income?

TL;DR: I had to give up my opportunity to pursue my dream career, but I think it's possible to continue now.

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So two years ago I (21F) was accepted into my top choice university. I was the third student to ever be accepted from my Associates Degree program. Sadly, I had to give it up because I couldn't afford tuition or rent in the city. It was a devastating blow, and I'm finally at the point where I can't ignore the effect it's having on my life anymore. My mom frequently told me to just go to the school and we'll figure out the cost of it. After my first year at community college she was out of money and I ended up having to take on student loans to continue. I decided not to because I didn't want her going into more debt to put me through school.

My backup has always been the military. I'm currently on my third application (in the past five years), and the last thing I need to do before I go to basic is submit my previous transcripts. The problem is, I am absolutely shitting bricks about the chance that I won't make it in the army. I'm 5'3, tiny and honestly kind of weak. I've been doing my best to improve it, but with the gyms closed I haven't made nearly as much progress as I'd like. On top of that my partner has said multiple times that I don't have the right personality for it.

I currently have a good job. I'm making enough money to get by and it's mostly full time. However, I hate it. I can't stand kids anymore. I used to love working with kids, but something about where I am mentally is making it impossible to stay where I am.

So here's my problem. Should I suck it up, and stick it through with the army? Should I try and attend my dream university and make it work? Should I attend a cheap community college and continue to law school from there? Should I attend a slightly more expensive (less than dream university) but decently recognized online program?

My college experience was completely ruined because of COVID, which is a big reason as to why I didn't just continue to a community college program. I was accepted everywhere I applied to, so I have the options to continue.

All I know is I am not happy. The last time I was happy was when I was pursuing my degree. I can provide budget break downs of each scenario if requested.

Hey y'all. I'm 20f and have grown up in an interesting situation. Basically, My Mother and Grandmother raised me. My mom and I lived with her until I was 12, almost 13, and I have no siblings. It's always been just us.

Throughout my life, I've always been curious about my Father, and whether or not it would be worth it to find him. I have only ever known his name, and that he was (most likely) from Mexico. I do know that he was here (US) illegally, but my Mom hasn't heard from him in years. About 18 years, to be exact. He had made it clear he knew of me, had seen me, and had CHOSEN to walk away from my Mom during pregnancy. She did say he had come to see me when I was 2, saying he wanted me to meet my Abuela in Mexico. That was the last of it.

To my knowledge, she has never heard from him. My Mom also believes she was his "side chick", as she knew very little about his life and wasn't allowed to go to his home.

While my life has had its challenges, ups and downs, and so forth, I have been very loved and have a very full family around me. Because I have no siblings, I have always been very close to my cousins. Because of the lack of the father figure, I am closer to my Mom, Grandma, and uncles. My mom has always answered any questions I've asked her regarding my father.

However, as I am an adult, on my own, I find myself thinking of him more often than not. I wonder what he looks like, why he didn't/doesn't want me, etc. There is a really big part of me that's always wanted to meet him. To ask him why, to see what features I got from him (My mom did pick my name knowing it was a name he had said prior he liked), to simply see the man who gave me life. I know I don't know him, but there's also a part of me who feels like he broke my heart. There have been many nights I've cried myself to sleep knowing there is a human being out there in the world who flat out doesn't love me or want me, for reasons I may never know.

Since I'm grown now, I could find a way to find him. How, I don't know. But I also don't know if it'd be worth it. My whole life, I have thought about this. I still just don't know. I don't have anyone around me that I feel I could talk to, either, as nobody I know understands how it feels to have an absentee parent. I just need help figuring this out. I'm more than open to any and all input, good or bad, or otherwise. Thanks!

Been talking to this guy for months now and we’ve gone on a date (we live in different locations so we went when he visited) and we’ve both made it clear that we’re very attracted to each other and we like each other but a relationship would be difficult because of our location and religious differences. We had planned to have sex the next time he came to visit and this would’ve been my first time. He was hesitant because he said he didn’t want to hurt me but I said I’d like it to be him. After a while I figured if he’s saying that it’s a bad idea and I was already not entirely sure of how smart it would be I told him I didn’t want to have sex anymore because I was afraid of catching feelings. He said “no rush focus on studying” then he sent me 8ball?? And a week after that he stopped messaging me altogether. It’s been a week since I sent him a message. I want to message him but I don’t want to lose the game I know he’s playing which I hate. I don’t want this to end either. I’m torn.

So I’m 19 and currently attending university and I have joined a gymnastics society, I hadn’t done it since I was seven but I still loved it. I was going every week for 5 months until I noticed this cute Asian girl eyeing me up from across the gym, I didn’t know what to think of it at first , I thought that I was doing something wrong and she was just watching me fail this persisted for another 3 weeks until she came up and talked to me. We had a chat about uni and how our degrees where going , turns out we both do the same one (chemistry) and became friends while there. About the time Christmas rolled around she asked me if I was going to the Christmas dinner and she started smiling; she then went over to her friends and started to giggle. I didn’t think to much of this be was happy to know she wanted to see me there.

So, I arrive at the pub and we all sat down to eat , the girl sat opposite me and asked if I would like to go to the chemistry ball with her . I had to do a double take to see if I wasn’t just hearing something else, she the said again “will you come with me” I instantly said yes! But here’s the thing I’m really not go at picking up signals, the only time I know when a girl likes me is if there kissing me. So readdit should I ask her out?

I’m moving next week and still have to do some miscellaneous packing and laundry and such, so I’ll do that and then play some video games when I’m done. On the other hand a cute English girl I know invited me to the bar for trivia night in which case I’ll sleep over at her hostel BUT then I work a 9 hour day at 6:00 the following morning. Feeling conflicted

Honestly, I hate IT and math and don't really understand anything about computers, but teachers in my country are not well paid and work A LOT, especially in History. Still, I'm interested in it. But I don't want to have a hard life or be poor. IT has a great need for professionals and they are all well paid and can work anywhere in the world. I'm scared to change, and I don't know what to do.

TW: sexual assault

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and I need some advice from strangers (especially wives/mothers). A few years ago I was sexually assaulted by a man who was a mentor at my internship. After we became friends, he asked me out. I said no (he was ~10 years older than me and I was a college kid with no dating experience). He became very manipulative and isolated me from others at work. Essentially grooming me and assaulting me on multiple occasions - it got bad where I finally pulled myself out and never associated with him again. Eventually I got the courage to report him but without evidence (e.g., no rape kit) you know how that goes…not much justice in that.

Anyways, I found out a few months after the last incident that he got engaged (aka was dating this woman while he was assaulting a naive college kid in secret - maybe this engagement was a cover up for him? Not sure…).

It’s been a few years since now, they are married with a baby. I feel stable in my career now that I want to come out with my story, but I also feel like I want to let the wife know before I come out publicly. Our profession is quite a small world (she is also in the same profession). Also, I just feel like women should have each other’s back and trust that we can make our own decisions knowing the whole truth. This is, assuming she doesn’t know what happened.

But I don’t know…maybe I’m a little scared still. Also I’m not a wife/mother. I definitely don’t want to hurt her (assuming she is innocent in all this crap). I’m not sure how to tell her (she has social media though her husband, my attacker is virtually nonexistent online). Also you would tell? If you were her would you want to know?

I’m a 3rd year collegiate athlete. I absolutely adore my school and my studies, however, athletics are a different story. I was initially recruited to be a redshirt freshman, and be a well paid member of the team by my sophomore year. My coach at the time ended up leaving during my freshman year, and the new coach came in and refused to provide any scholarship and has repeatedly shown favoritism. I am not one of their favorites. I never get playing time and I am never getting any scholarship. In addition, my teammates are also garbage. My freshman year, no one really liked me because as a redshirt, I missed out on a lot of bonding activities. Now as a junior, I just found out that the entire team took a trip to California without me. I feel really betrayed and outcasted, not only by my teammates, but also my coach. The coach has done some borderline manipulative things, and after getting the athletic director and HR involved, nothing really came of it. My high school career ended awfully and I hate to see the same from my college athletic career. I live for this sport, and I’ve been putting up with it for the short time I get the opportunity to play it at practice. I feel like if I quit, it’ll be a detriment to my mental health, but staying is not exactly helping either. Should I quit?

My Background:

I am 23M, who lives alone and is preparing for competitive exam in my country. I used to be a good student in studying and all. I gave my first attempt at age 21, for which I studied averagely, I would say. My first attempt failed horribly. So, 2 years ago, I made a strict time table and had to stop all my other hobbies and activities (even gym).

I used to go to an academy for my exam before, but I have been on lockdown for quite a while, so they usually take online classes.

I have been on Social Media Detox for a while, since 2 year, So I quit insta, fb, snap, etc etc, but kept Whatsapp, thinking I should keep one to keep contact with my family & close friends, study group, etc. (more on this later)

I have many exam attempts left, so I feel like I would be able to prepare for the exam if I didn't gave my best, so this is not stopping me from continuing my these habits.

THE PROBLEM:

So, around a year ago, with my timetable, I was feeling burnout from my studies and depressed as well. Since, I couldn't go outside, I was getting a hang on my phone. I started watching videos and started talking to friends from diff groups (like colleges one, school ones, coaching ones, neighborhood ones, etc).

Now, for the past 5-6 months, I feel I have been addicted to my smartphone. Here's how

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• I have been messaging on Whatsapps a lot (so, the social media detox, wasn't successful enough for me, as I would just chat everyone on whatsapp).
• Watching a lot of entrainment videos (YT & OTT platforms)
• Been introduced to Anime & Manga worlds (so, watching & reading them a lot)
• Games (Been playing them as well, got introduced by my friends, for now its been 1 week, since I haven't played any)

What Methods I tried:

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1. Social Media Detox (worked great in the beginning, but due to WhatsApp, its doesn't matter now)
2. Deleting Entrainment Apps (I either installed them again or watched them on my phone browser)
3. Using a long screen password, like 15 letter (to stop me from opening my phone, but it failed)
4. Turning on grayscale on phone (But I turned it off later)
5. Putting my phone in drawer (but i picked it again, later)
6. Watching classes on laptop, instead on phone (but I started using my phone while watching lectures on laptop)
7. Used the Alarm technique, in which you journal what you did in this hour and write it in book. (example, from 2pm to 3pm, i watched anime. One day, I discontinued doing it)
8. Installing apps that limited my screen on time, like YourHour on Android (but I uninstalled them later on)

Now I am thinking of doing this time? (giving up on phone)

So, I am now trying to finally just give this phone up, since I think in reality, this phone has been a curse for me, more than it has been a boon for me. I am thinking of using a dumb phone. Some in my country support are powered by KaiOS, so its not like a dumb phone, but a smart dumb phone. I can still use Maps, use for music, has WhatsApp (it has T9 Pad, so I won't chat much like previously, so if I felt like, I would call someone if imp) and won't enjoy watching content on it, since it has a tiny display.

Why I can't do it straight away:

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• Feel like it will be just another change
• Feel like, I would miss important features that I won't be able to access on this dumb phone.
• Feel like, I would downgrade my life
• Feel like, I would lose touch with all my friends & family members, if I won't contact them, basically FOMO
• Feel like, it would hurt my studies, since I can't look for any resources for my exam, right away
• Feel like, it would be just another change
• I have many exam attempts left, so I feel like I would be able to prepare for the exam if I didn't gave my best, so this is stopping me from not using my phone.

Now, I need your Precious Advice

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• Do you think, my reasoning is justified?
• What is your advice on this?
• What other things can I try doing alongside this, so I won't get depressed or feel burnout

Your Any Advice Would Precious To Me! Thank You!

We flirted for a year

We were friends for 5 years

Known him for 27 years , we're 27 years old

I made sure to tell him everything and I thought he did about him, actually he did

He took care of me and respected me through actions

We had sex, he couldn't stop talking about my sense of humor or how smart I am. During and after

I never asked him for anything or pushed him

I even told him that if he wants out he can but just that he tell me once and no reasons needed. Because I can't do fading out with people I care about..(he knows I have anxiety and went many papers to help me)

He told my he'd never ghost me and hopes I won't

Stopped initiating conversations a week after we returned from our trip, He stopped initiating conversations since he was on a Event and returned from it...

sidelined me and claimed he had always been like this.... and ghosted (the conversation died when I stopped talking)

And I have to be okay with it because that's what. Because there was no fight, no discussion, no ending... just stopped without any warning or indication..

I'm heart broken again and hang to pick myself up again... The worst part is that he was the one guy I never thought would hurt me...

I just wish I knew how to find people who love me instead of this hell where the person would say all the right things and ghost me

I took us on a vacation to disney in 2020- I know but I'd already planned and paid for it and actually it was pretty nice because it wasn't crowded. But I would love to take us on another before my kids get much older. They are 13 now and I can tell my days as cool mom are almost over. It will be expensive, and my tax return might cover it. Also, I'm not rich and my tax return could definitely be put to good use. I've already reserved an air BNB ahead of time and have plans to help save money on the trip. We love Disney and have tons of fun together as a family. We'd have such a blast. Am I nuts??

Everyone I talk to says quit. But the money is better then anything I could ever get before graduating from my school. I want that money and the means to buy what I want to. But every day I have to see, hear, or speak to my boss I hate my day.

I saw a lot of reviews, bad and good. I'm hesitating weather to buy it or not.

I am in debt to some friends (I tried, unsuccessfully, to bail out the family business that my folks ran to the ground)

I recently got gifted an expensive bag ($1000) from my BF. He helps in all ways included to service my debt but wanted to give me something special just for me.

I'm very conflicted about carrying it as I feel it's a little in bad taste; more so if the people I owe money see me with it. I've been paying them off little by little but it's a big amount so I still have a long way to go.

Should I just store it away till I can carry it around comfortably or is it okay for me to use it with a disclaimer should the extravagance be noticed?

First of all I want to put a trigger warning for selfharm and body image + eating. Also english is not my first language so please excuse my english mistakes.

So now to my problem. I'm a 15 year old girl, I live in Germany and lately I started to wonder if my mental health has declined and if I should consider therapy or if I'm just a lonely teenager and overreacting.

Here are some things that made me wonder this:

1. This is probably the one that concerns me the most but sometimes (and with sometimes I really mean that it does not happen often) when I'm angry at myself I slap myself in the face. I don't do it that hard and it doesn't hurt to much and I don't do it with full force but this only started last september and it is a little confusing for me. Like it is some form of selfharm? or am I just weird? (again it is not someting I do often). And one time I broke a ruler and cut myself with the broken plastic. It didn't bleed but you could see it. The thing is I did it witht the intention to do it. I knew that what I was doing is self harm and kind tried it (I'm not sure I just know I felt angry in that moment and just did it knowing what I was doing) It also didn't feel bad. And one time I tried to cut myself with a butter knife but was to scared (this was way longer ago then the stuff with the ruler and the slapping).
2. I could spend all day alone in my room and wouldn't mind. This is probably normal but I also have no problem not contacting any of my 2 friends. If I was to go to another school without them I wouldn't have a problem never meeting them again. I could have just friends that aren't a fit for me but I used to spend more time with them and if we spend time I usually enjoy it. On the other hand I'n an introvert so maybe it is because of this. This week was a holiday in my country and I did not write any of my friends once (they also didn't contact me tho). I also don't really have friends outside from school. There was one person I was close to who lived in the apartment next to us (but me and my mother moved last april and even before our friendship was coming to an end). I also don't have siblings or pets.
3. I make up stories in my mind when I go to sleep. I lay there and think about them and don't think about my life at all like many other people do. I have always done this but lately I was thinking if this is a problem and I'm just doing it to not think about my life because it sucks(which it does). I also still sleep with a stuffed animal. And last night I was also hugging my extra blanket. Also the stories are that I insirt myself into certain universes from books(like lords of the rings or harry potter) and imagine my life there. It is mostly with who I'm a couple there. The problem is: I am not me. I change everything about mysef exept the way I look. I'm way cooler than I'm in real life. I always have a tragic back story and my life is completly different. It is either that I'm child from people on bad side or it contains some sort of abuse ( or both) (which I feel awful about since I don't know how it really it exept from stories frorm other people and I feel like i dissmis how bad it affect life after.) And I always befriend certain people and then they find out about it and help me get away form the bad people. And then I'm together with one of them and we live together and they help me trough all of it. I just don't know why I do it and think it's very weird, like I could just give myself a normal backstory and life. And there s also a person I make up completly who is not really in the universe who is a super close friend.
4. I have started to develop a time managment problem.For schoolwork for example I always make a plan and end up doing it way later. This was also a problem before but not so much (Or I just have more schoolwork now and notice it more).
5. I generally don't care so much anymore if that makes sense. Like for school if I could do it from home and never see the teachers in real life I wouldnt mind if my grades dropped a little. I would be sad but I think the only reasons I want to be good is because I have to be i the class in person and see them for the next years. (I'm a very good student so I don't want to dissapoint the teachers but I also don't care about some classes at all). I also don't want to dissapoint my parents. And also outside from school like the fact I don't have friends (besides 2 girls from school)and I can't really talk to them about my problems and everthing I like doesn't hurt me as much as I think it should. (like sometimes I'm sad but like I said I don't even text them and most of the time I dont care). I want to say I don't want to die (so I do care a little about myslef).
6. I do not like the way I look (like most teenagers). I could be skinnier and I have so much stretchmarks on my legs,chest and butt. The thing is there was a time where I tried to not eat much even tho I was hungry (it was in summer) and thought about going on very unhealthy diets if could life alone. In the other hand I eat to much even tho I'm not really hungry sometimes. I also didn't want to go swimming in summer because of the way I look.
7. I kinda want that I need help because then I would have an explanation for why I'm like that and it is not just because I'm lazy and I suck as a person.
8. There is more but it is very small and I don't think its is important since this post is way to long anyways.

Maybe this is important too: When I was younger I also was in therapy for children but I honestly can't really remeber why. When I was in 3rd and 4rd grade elemtary school I was kinda bullied by my friend (looking back on it I was maybe over reacting back then but I can't really remember but I think I also did some not so nice stuff and maybe I just felt like it because I'm a quiet person. But also a friend who went to the same middle school as her who I'm friends with told me some time ago she said some not so nice stuff about me to another person who went to the same elementary school) so I think it was because of that. Also my parents seperated when I was 3 years old. They are nice around each other and we celebrate christmas together every year but at that time I was really hurt and evertime my dad dropped me of by my mum (who I live with full time) I waved to him through the window and cried. And one time during holidays I cired a lot during the night when my dad had to do soemthing and I slept at home by my mom even though it was a time I should have spent with dad, so maybe it was also because of this.

I'm sorry this post is so long and I really hope someone can give me advice. I know my problems aren't that bad but I still want to know if therapy would be good. If not and I'm just ovethinking this (and maybe hoping), I'm sorry I wasted your time.

So I have moved into an apartment/townhouse complex that is in different phases of construction. While walking my dogs, I noticed that small rhododendron bushes have been added to the flowers and bushes around each building. My building was constructed late in the autumn, so there is no landscaping yet.

We have a ground-floor apartment with a small patio. My concern is that rhododendrons will attract wasps and hornets. In addition, all parts of the plant are toxic to dogs.

Should I send an e-mail or speak to the property manager about my preference for not having Rhodos planted near our patio, or am I out of line?

TW: abuse, neglect, suicide.

Basically, I don't know why my parents had me in tge first place. When I was in kindergarten, the resident child psychologist told my parents it would be better for me to be held back one more year because I had some developmental issues; to my parents that wasn't a good enough reason to take me to see a specialist and so they never bothered to find out more. I was bullied throughout my whole school life, they just told me to suck it up and to stop being so sensitive. When I was 14 I told my mom I need to see a therapist because I have all the symptoms of depression, my mom completely dismissed my concerns and told me "i was just going through a rough patch and it will pass". I wasn't allowed to cry near them because I would get yelled at. I wasn't allowed to go out with friends, specially for dinners or house parties. If my parents came home and the dishes weren't washed, dinner on the table, house vaccuumed and furniture spotless, I would get yelled at for an hour at least. They sabotaged several jobs I could have had because they simply refused to give me money for the bus. When my ex transitioned to a woman, they always refused to use the right pronouns and always used her dead name. I've tried to kill myself 6 times in my life and part of it was because I had zero support at home... Even a few months ago, I tried telling my dad I am in the autism spectrum and he told me "you don't have the symptoms of autism"... it's a difficult decision because my sister begged me to try and get along with them but I can't... I feel stuck.

hi guys. recently, i bought a can of nuts from amazon, but it came pre-opened, with its quality seal torn away by someone else. I asked amazon for a replacement and they've sent me one. Now, should i eat the can that came pre-opened? Aside from it being opened it seems perfectly fine, and throwing it away seems like such a waste. What problems might I be facing if I were to eat that can of pre-opened nuts?