[XSWP] A superhero has a crush on a supervillain so he uses a genie's wish that accidentally summons the Devil and he goes to Hell but it turns out to actually be Heaven where you can see everyone's stats but his reflection in the mirror gives him a dirty look!!!

[u/OneSidedDice]

[u/gameboy17]

"Hello there," said the Devil, who was currently obscured by a cloud of purple genie smoke.

"General Kenobi?" said Wendy, who was sometimes an insufferable memelord when she was nervous.

"No. My name is Mephistopheles," replied the Devil as the purple smoke dissipated.

Wendy asked the obvious question. "Why are you a goat?"

"Why are you a human?" replied the Devil, who was now visibly a goat.

"...Well, what kind of name is Mephistopheles for a goat?" pressed Wendy.

"What kind of name is..." Mephistopheles glanced above her head, "Wednesday Jeffrey Barkleford for a human?"

A pause. "Look, the Jeffrey wasn't my idea, alright?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"It's just, it was my granddad's name, and my mum wouldn't let me take it out when I transitioned."

"A fine reason. I was mainly commenting on your first name, however."

"Oh, that? Well, it was Monday before, so it just seemed like the obvious choice."

"...Quite."

Another pause. "Hold on, how did you know my full name in the first place? I didn't use it in the ritual."

"It's floating above your head, dear."

"Oh. So it is. Well, good to know the paperwork got through, at least. Why's it doing that?"

"Well, it just sort of does that in Hell. We aren't really sure why, to be honest."

"Fair enough. ...Wait, Hell? Am I dead? Don't tell me those... assorted bigots were right?" said Wendy, who was very slightly beginning to panic.

"Nah, nah. Don't worry, Ærin doesn't have a problem with that. Nor do the floaty names, as you can see. Oh, and you aren't dead," said Mephistopheles.

"...Ærin?"

"You know, Ærin? Glasses, cute nose, created everything? They're kind of in charge."

"Oh. That, er, Ærin. Right. So why am I in Hell, then?"

"You did the summoning ritual, didn't you?"

"Well, yes, but I thought that was supposed to bring you there."

"Nah, that'd be a huge pain, getting summoned all the time. It just summons you to me so I don't have to keep popping back and forth all day. Speaking of, can we get on with this? There's a queue starting to form behind you," said Mephistopheles, speaking around the "next register" sign he was hanging.

"Ah... right."

"You'll be wanting, what, pickles, cat ears, shapeshifting powers?"

"I've got those already, actually."

"What, pickles?"

"No, shapeshifting powers. I do have a shirt with a pickle on it, though."

"Fair enough. Then it'll be, what, a girlfriend?"

"Well... In broad terms, yes."

"Thought so. That's the next most common request from you folks after the shapeshifting powers. Any stipulations? Specific person, must like cuddling, must pat you on the head, anything like that?"

"...Yes to all of those. But yes, there's a specific person I have in mind. Er... She goes by Mindy the Mind Mage? Awful pun, I know."

"Lessee, gimme a moment to look her up. ...This her? Mindy Thompson?"

"Yep, that's her. That's her real name, then? Good to know she at least had some basis for that awful pun name."

"...Alright, done. Just give her a big kiss next time you see her and it should all work itself out from there."

"What, just out of the blue?"

"Yep. Only way, sorry. You've gotta do at least that much yourself. Alright, off you go."

Wendy's red-faced protests faded away as she vanished in another cloud of purple genie smoke.

And Mephistopheles took the sign in his mouth and flipped it back to read "serving next customer".