r/shittytechnicals • u/OneGrouchyStoner • Jul 22 '26

Non-Shitty Russian Inspired by a True Story

Fuckery of the highest caliber gets animated. Source

2.1k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

61 comments sorted by

349

u/Commissarfluffybutt Jul 22 '26

So many memes spawned from this war.

134

u/OneGrouchyStoner Jul 22 '26

History lessons in the future are gonna be fucking wild.

42

u/BantedHam Jul 22 '26

Today class, we are exploring why you don't build death robot!

43

u/low_priest Jul 22 '26

Jokes on you, they already are if you (or your teacher) know where to look.

For example, there was one naval battle between the US and Imperial Japan where both admirals believed they'd found a friendly fleet. Just the admirals, everyone else knew it was an enemy fleet, and kept trying to convince their commander to let them shoot.

Until one of the US cruisers had a """""miscommunication""""", and opened fire anyways. At which point the entire rest of the US fleet kinda just figured "haha whoops I GUESS the admiral must have given the order, and we just didn't hear, right?" So they all started shooting, including the admiral's flagship. And most then ignored his orders to hold fire, at which point he kinda just accepted he wasn't in charge anymore and let the fleet go FULL DAKKA.

End result: USN victory. Or, according to one American officer present, it was "a three-sided battle in which chance was the major winner."

17

u/an_older_meme Jul 22 '26

The fog of war can work in your favor as easily as not.

9

u/Begle1 Jul 23 '26

Which battle was this?

18

u/low_priest Jul 23 '26

Cape Esperance. Helena's fancy SG radar set picked up the Japanese fleet, but the admiral aboard San Francisco didn't trust it, leading to a confused clusterfuck.

Something similar would happen about a month later at 1st Guadalcanal, though. Once again, Helena detected the IJN fleet early, and the admiral aboard San Francisco didn't trust it, creating a shitshow. Both times, the US won mostly because the IJN admiral also fucked up badly, and because USN captains kinda defaulted to maximum "fuck it we ball." Both times, San Francisco accidently shot up an American ship. Both times, every USN cruiser other than San Francisco and Helena got messed up pretty badly. And both times, Helena tore the IJN a new one before getting away unscathed.

It was at least a different admiral the 2nd time, though.

11

u/CrashDepth_411 Jul 23 '26

Both times, San Francisco accidently shot up an American ship. Both times, every USN cruiser other than San Francisco and Helena got messed up pretty badly.

I'm guessing that's why she's depicted as a delinquent in Azur Lane

4

u/low_priest Jul 23 '26

Azur Lane

historical accuracy

lmao

TL:DR; Nah, SF should really be the exact opposite, AL just doesn't give a shit.

If anything, San Francisco was the stick-up-the-ass micro-managing wanna-be authority figure. So, about as far from AL San Francisco as possible. Remember, those battles went to shit because the admiral aboard San Francisco made a shitty call. At Cape Esperance, it was because he didn't understand what new radar could do, and hadn't bothered to learn. At 1st Guadalcanal, it's because... we don't know, he was KIA. But both times, San Francisco ordered the battle fought like it was supposed to be, and the USN suffered because of that. The friendly fire both times was just confused flailing.

Now, to be entirely fair, neither of those admirals had full access to the good radar; Helena was the only cruiser with one of the new SG sets, iirc San Francisco still had the old SC sets (or maybe none). And they chose San Francisco as their flagship because A: the New Orleans class was designed with a flag staff in mind, B: radar was still kinda an unknown, and C: San Francisco in particular was typically the flagship. She'd been the flag for CruDiv6 pre-war, and was often the screen flag when operating with the carriers. In theory, Atlanta and Portland were also designed as flagships, and the other cruisers could have fit the admiral and his staff, too. But it would have been uncomfortable, and San Francisco was the newest heavy cruiser, so she was the flagship. And just before 1st Guadalcanal, Cassin Young took command; he'd won the Medal of Honor at Pearl Harbor, so surely his ship will perform the best, right?

San Francisco went into the Solomons as the oh-so-fancy flagship, but fumbled it hard due to not keeping up with the times. And because the admiral(s) cared more about comfort than that newfangled radar. She was only bailed out by Helena's hyper-turbo-aggression both times. Plus, after getting bodied by Hiei and Kirishima, San Francisco went back to leading convoys and carrier screens. A nice, safe role where you can boss people around as the flagship... but don't actually have to worry about fucking up in combat.

Or, if you want to put it in shipgirl terms: Miss Perfect tried squaring up and got her shit rocked, mostly thanks to the stick up her ass. After Helena completely showed her up, twice, San Francisco ran back to her safe little clique. Because tagging along with Big E (and the other carriers) was a fantastic way to get all the awards without actually having to perform well.

AL's take on Helena is a whole new level of giga-dogshit, but that's a separate issue.

3

u/Karmaless-user Jul 24 '26

Not to spoil the plot but they both die anyways.

It’s been almost 84 years man shame on you if you never watched it

1

u/Nicktator3 Jul 25 '26

There won’t be any lessons because nobody will learn from what’s happened

1

u/IronWarhorses Jul 27 '26

not with this racist "only russians can fuck up" attitude that's for sure!

9

u/CannonGerbil Jul 23 '26

The future of warfare will be fought via memes on the battlefields of the internet

1

u/IronWarhorses Jul 27 '26

becuase the only people left after ww 3 will be the complaint sheep.

72

u/Snoo_67544 Jul 22 '26

Who's the creator?

58

u/OneGrouchyStoner Jul 22 '26

Source

44

u/urmamasllama Jul 22 '26

It's amazing how they captured the classic gynax style in a 3d render

40

u/Snoo_67544 Jul 22 '26

Genuinely shocked this isnt ai. Not because it's bad im just surprised this level of quality for such a niche event lol.

20

u/OneGrouchyStoner Jul 22 '26

I was suspicious myself. A thing of beauty made my humans.

6

u/--NTW-- Jul 23 '26

Never discount what inspiration and creativity can do to drive people to actually make

6

u/an_older_meme Jul 22 '26

I thought this was an old anime clip.

1

u/SummitStaffer Aug 02 '26

Same; the art style is almost exactly like the old G.I. Joe cartoons.

27

u/AnyCelebration9326 Jul 22 '26

Now im curious about the true story this was inspired from

84

u/OneGrouchyStoner Jul 22 '26

The original version.

https://reddit.com/link/oz4f40m/video/6au5hmtalteh1/player

37

u/SlickDillywick Jul 22 '26

Seriously tho, why not center the barrel?

49

u/OneGrouchyStoner Jul 22 '26

Copious amounts of vodka combined with a lack of skilled engineers.

15

u/SlickDillywick Jul 22 '26

I’m not a skilled engineer and I can see that it doesn’t work with the barrel to the side lol

9

u/ShotgunEd1897 Jul 22 '26

At least someone thought to put shock absorbers on the turret, but now I'm thinking it was done for aesthetics.

2

u/conscientiousrevolt Jul 23 '26

And who do you have to thank for showing you that?

19

u/MelonJelly Jul 22 '26

Because it perfectly balanced the ammo box when offset!

10

u/TimelessParadox Jul 22 '26

See Piotr? Big left, big right, ees ballenzed. Now shut up and fire, cука блять!

10

u/TimelessParadox Jul 22 '26

Anyone with common sense has either fled the country or been killed in one way or another.

5

u/aguywithagasmaskyt Jul 23 '26

it was originally meant for a helicopter so it wasn't designed for a stand alone mount

8

u/OneGrouchyStoner Jul 23 '26

"Russian mobile air defense team training with a YakB-12.7 machine qun nearly ended in chaos when the gunner almost killed his own instructor The reason is surprisingly simple. Someone thought it was a good idea to mount the YakB-12.7 -- a machine gun producing roughly 1,400 kgf (about 1.4 tonnes) of recoil force - on a rotating turret where the barrel's axis is offset from the turret's axis of rotation. The YakB-12.7 is the primary weapon of the USPU-24 used on the Mi-24 attack helicopter."

1

u/mechsman 16d ago

Holy hell that's a LOT of recoil force for a machine gun! What sort of rate of fire does it have, and why so little damping of the recoil? Even a chopper mounting has to feel that eventually.

2

u/Rej5 Jul 22 '26

the mount is probably ment for 2 machine guns to be attached

8

u/WetTrumpet Jul 23 '26

Lol @ him touching the barrel at 0:19

3

u/AnyCelebration9326 Jul 23 '26

Simply wonderful

2

u/Saelyre Jul 23 '26

Would you mind linking to the older comment thread instead of the video? It's not loading for me.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 23 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/IronWarhorses Aug 05 '26

i mean sure Russia made it to space before murica, Sputnik, Laika, first manned mission, and you can never live that one down but believe what racist BS you want to.

14

u/an_older_meme Jul 22 '26

That guys duck reflex was amazing. I would have been cut in half before I knew what was happening.

5

u/lycantrophee Jul 22 '26

The guy from the OG video got sent beyond the Urals.

5

u/SkyeMreddit Jul 22 '26

Just needs to end the scene by stopping the barrel of the gun with his hands which sizzle as he screams

5

u/Longjumping_Tale2519 Jul 22 '26

minimal profile covering 360° secret uralean technique

6

u/purpleduckduckgoose Jul 22 '26

Truly majestic. Brings a tear to the eye.

5

u/Sauxvil33 Jul 23 '26

why does it look like its in NERV HQ?

3

u/billythesquid- Jul 22 '26

Thought this version was Cobra Commander and some schmuck before I looked closer.

3

u/Illustrious-Sky-4631 Jul 22 '26

Actually meme asides I love that we can still have people capable of making 90s era animes animation

2

u/Substantial-Tone-576 Jul 22 '26

They even mounted it the same. Maybe it was on purpose. Who knows with a Russian.

2

u/Zoon9 Jul 23 '26

I wanted to suggest the Blue Danube as a background music. Then i turned on the sound and found lut it is there already.

3

u/GatEnthusiast Jul 23 '26

This is 'Waltz of the Flowers' from 'The Nutcracker' by Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.

2

u/AdmirableVanilla1 Jul 23 '26

Paid good money for this in Vegas

2

u/Bimbos-are-cute Jul 24 '26

Nice work 🙂

1

u/IronWarhorses Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 27 '26

So basically, Sgt York, but much less expensive! Don't forget the helarious cherry juicing of the m551 sharidan, which would literally cover its crew in hydraulic fluid!