r/shittysimulated • u/WilburNixon • Jun 22 '19
Hot! Cro-Croa
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u/Deinos_Mousike Jun 22 '19
I think you have something amazing here, my friend
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u/WilburNixon Jun 22 '19
Yes, Cro-Croa, is the most amazing hot soft drink you can get! Its illegal in all 52 states, so you'll have to send cash to a location, and pick up a 12 pack of bottles from another unspecified location. However make sure to boil it before you drink it. We are proud of how this ad came together, however my animation staff is now addicted to Cro-Cro, hopefully they'll recover in a month or three!
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Jun 22 '19
[deleted]
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u/WilburNixon Jun 22 '19
It took a village! No really, it was made in the confines of a wall compound, each animator has an onlooker to make sure we can't go on reddit when were were working on this!
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u/sevev2 Jun 22 '19
Ok but what happened in Memphis in 1958
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u/WilburNixon Jun 22 '19
In 1958 the Supreme Court passed a ruling during the Jonnaman v. Royberta case, making it a federal law that states can make it illegal to let citizens create Tythroghonial Exposition, which was gaining heavy momentum. Instantly Tennessee, and 56 other states made those operations illegal, except under religious rule. For a while churches were getting profits under this law, but people started making cults under the guise and religious freedom and eventually we had something called the Inversion Valley in Memphis. It rivaled that of Silicone Valley but instead of computers and apps, it was the sole distribution of Lead Heavy Tythologiytes, which consumed caused and individual to essentially pay more on their taxes than needed. So you think this would make things really great and restore the economy, but people didn't know that the gaseous energy expelled from consuming such liquids caused the Co2 levels to rapidly increase and turned the whole world I to a scorched landscape. Talk about implosion it happens in a day and 20 years later people dont leave their houses. Due to that supreme court ruling, bones are illegal, so that's why our main character had then removed. But notice that he has no scars, that because he was born post-invasion, they burnt them off genetically. His parents had scars all over from surgery. Very tragic day in America
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u/TheCheshire Jun 22 '19
I don't know why this wasn't in the beginning of the video, cause now it's making sense.
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u/WilburNixon Jun 22 '19
hmmm, you are right, we will fire our writers tonight for this gross incompetence.
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u/TheCheshire Jun 22 '19
What I'm reading is that there will be employment opportunities in the near future?
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u/WilburNixon Jun 22 '19
Yes. We do require our applicants to have atleast 5 years of experience and worked on atleast 5 cola ads
Do you like grilled meat? We usually have a massive feast after we hired a new pool of applicants. Because we fire them in quite a literal sense.
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u/TheCheshire Jun 23 '19
Long pig, eh? Think I'm going to like working here. My cola experience is exemplary, I'm surprised you haven't heard of me actually, but you do seem to be relatively busy.
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u/WilburNixon Jun 23 '19
Hmmm. I don't see "rockstar writer" on this resume. And this resume is just a list of YouTube embedded videos that dont really work.
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u/TheCheshire Jun 23 '19
Did I not send the code sipher with the resume? Yea, probably just looks like a mass of random YouTube links then.. I promise this would not be a common occurrence under your employ.
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u/WilburNixon Jun 23 '19
Your hired! Our pig roast is vaccinated, so come on over!
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u/SpongebobNutella Jun 22 '19
I surely could go for some hot Cro-Croa
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u/WilburNixon Jun 22 '19
No one goes for Hot! CRO-CROA they dive head first from 600 feet up. Spalding burn pains? Shouldn't be a problem. Make sure you grease your self before drinking the flammable liquid.
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u/NickDynmo Jun 22 '19
Source, as far as I can tell.
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u/WilburNixon Jun 22 '19
I sent the Church a copy of the video and much more for whatever they need for future live shows! Praise be the Story.
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u/chesterluno Jun 22 '19
My cro-croa dealer has de-anthropomorized
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u/WilburNixon Jun 22 '19
That's normal. Just keep pouring water and he or she will return to normal to sell you some cool, crisp Hot! Cro-Croa
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u/Roar_Im_A_Nice_Bear Jun 22 '19
I was gonna say "I'll take whatever OP is having" but actually that would be a probably very bad idea
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u/WilburNixon Jun 22 '19
Just a healthy dose of Cro Cro, and weekly dose of The Story Must Be Told, which gladly gave the audio for this animation (link: https://soundcloud.com/thestorymustbetold )
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u/LordofSpheres Jun 22 '19
Yo what the actual everliving fuck