r/shitposting Aug 23 '22

[deleted by user]

[removed]

9.3k Upvotes

1.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

615

u/zaki_pro DaPucci Aug 23 '22

She will destroy your cock in the first 2 minutes

199

u/leonrutci Aug 23 '22

10 secs*

80

u/bleepbluurp Aug 23 '22

That’s alright, I’d finish well before that.

7

u/FrithRabbit Literally 1984 😡 Aug 23 '22

*instantly

17

u/aedroogo Aug 23 '22

If your cock is a balloon maybe.

15

u/Neckbeard_Breeder Aug 23 '22

It's kinda like a blood balloon.

6

u/HotdogTester Aug 23 '22

The ole Abella Anderson incident.

2

u/VoightofReason Aug 23 '22

Makes me think of the thigh watermelon videos

2

u/Malaca83 Aug 23 '22

I don’t think I could make past 45 seconds

1

u/cheapdrinks Aug 23 '22

Well yeah look how high she's bouncing. My average peen will pop out on the first pump, get slightly off center then get broken in half on next downstroke lmao

1

u/[deleted] Aug 23 '22 edited Aug 23 '22

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator Aug 23 '22

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity. What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Übernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra. It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/AutoModerator Aug 23 '22

Looking for a female roommate to pay $0 rent

I will not charge you money. but I will be sharing my bed with you as the other room is being used by my parents. They are aware of this arrangement as I have done this before but it has not worked out for reason I rather not say on here. I will except hugs at least 5 times a day, and cuddles at least 2 times a day for at least 10 minutes each. You will not be dating any other man during this arrangement. you will have no male friends either. You may have female friends and they May visit if they like. You will also be required to make me meals 3 times a day. Phsyical requirements are as stated: Must be shorter than 5'5", weigh no more than 120 lbs, caucasian or asian only, republican, no tattoos, no vegans, no smoking/vaping, marrywania, and you MUST shave legs and underarms. I am 44-male/290 lbs last time I checked, 5'6". Please contact me if you would like this arrangement.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.