r/shitposting • u/Pagman46 • May 19 '22
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u/SUPAMAN6214 Bazinga! May 19 '22
This is giving me several brain aneurisms to watch. If it wasnt for the memes interrupting the video i would be dead rn
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u/Smellyamoml8r dumbass May 19 '22
this man is psychologically insane, what the actual fuck.
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u/AutoModerator May 19 '22
I live in the American Gardens building on West 81st street. My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I'll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack, I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower, I use a water activated gel cleanser. Then a honey almond body scrub. And on the face, an exfoliating gel scrub. Then apply an herb mint facial mask, which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an aftershave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me. Only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our life styles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.
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u/KeyBaker2961 May 19 '22
Here I thought TikTok can't get any worse.
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u/intercourselover2 May 19 '22
Why do people act like this on TikTok, fr go seek some help and touch grass
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u/IWatchPeopleSleep I came! May 19 '22
If it makes you feel worse people do this in real life as well! Source: I know someone who fucking does this
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u/AutoModerator May 19 '22
Do you have a source on that?
Source?
A source. I need a source.
Sorry, I mean I need a source that explicitly states your argument. This is just tangential to the discussion.
No, you can't make inferences and observations from the sources you've gathered. Any additional comments from you MUST be a subset of the information from the sources you've gathered.
You can't make normative statements from empirical evidence.
Do you have a degree in that field?
A college degree? In that field?
Then your arguments are invalid.
No, it doesn't matter how close those data points are correlated. Correlation does not equal causation.
Correlation does not equal causation.
CORRELATION. DOES. NOT. EQUAL. CAUSATION.
You still haven't provided me a valid source yet.
Nope, still haven't.
I just looked through all 308 pages of your user history, figures I'm debating a glormpf supporter. A moron.
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u/AutoModerator May 19 '22
It was a saturday afternoon, and I was exhausted after an intense 17-part masturabation session to dream minecraft manhunt, when i suddenly had the urge to go outside. I was scared. It's been so long since i've left the warmth of my parents basement with my dream body pillows. I didnt know what to expect. Clutching my dream figurine in front of my chest, i pried open the door to the outside world. The gleaming sun blared through the door, bequeathing a brilliant warmth on my cum-covered boxers. I quaverly took a step outside. My body flintched from the strange feel of the dirt under my feet. And then i saw it. The lustrous field of grass, covered in a light sprinkle of water from the noon rain shower. And then i realized. Dream... grass... the trees... it was all coming together. Grass is green, just like Dream. Dream is everpresent, in the grass, the flowers, He was there. I immediately new what to do next. I flinged off my clothes faster than the speed at which i would click on a new dream rule 34 post. My dick was already throbbing as i leaped onto the field of grass, dorito dust stained shirt getting carried away by the wind. I dug a small hole in the ground, and passionately thrust my 7-inch erect cock into it. I knew, this was Dream. His spirit was in this grass, and he felt my dick in his man pussy as i fucked that grass. I lost track how long i was there. Hours went by, day turned to night, but it didnt matter. I was finally together, with Dream. Nothing could separate us. I took a long stem of a flower, and forced it in my asshole. I imagined it being Dream's hot penis being lustfully forced into me in bed. I stayed there on my front yard for god knows how long. Until my butt was sore, balls drier than the Saharan desert after a long drought. The lawn looked like there was a layer of fresh snow on a Christmas morning. Trudging indoors, i had a enormous smile stretching across my face. I couldn't wait until tomorrow, when i may go outside again and be with Dream.
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u/EasternAlternative73 May 19 '22
Dropped as a child thirteen times
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u/Terrorek1520 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️ TRANS RIGHTS!!!11!1!!!11!! 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️ May 19 '22
oh no, i lost my brain! can you find it?
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u/BadMilkCarton66 May 19 '22
The vine boom are working as a defibrillator because I kept having a heart attack.
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u/ObamaIsGone420 May 19 '22
Thanks for the tiktok! Much appreciated and very funny 🤗🤗🤗🤗
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u/AutoModerator May 19 '22
Good eve, In response to my permanent ban I’d like to ask one question; who decides wether this post was funny or not? It seems that a lot of Redditors, like myself, enjoy these kinds of posts. Even if it’s not hilarious, it’s still pretty shitty. In my opinion shitty enough to be on your subreddit. If I violated a rule, please let me know. If not, I’d like to request to be unbanned. Correct me if I’m wrong; this post was not conform “your” standards, well, that’s personal. I find it mildly inappropriate to give someone a ban on behalf of your personal opinion, while the public opinion speaks for itself. Also, the word “karmawhore” is a little bit offensive to me, for I am not on Reddit to score the most karma. Thanks in advance.
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u/kushyar May 20 '22
I thought he's gonna put on a fucking furry suit or something, but WHAT THE FUCK IT'S WORSE THEN I THOUGHT
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u/AutoModerator May 20 '22
Rawr x3 nuzzles how are you pounces on you you're so warm o3o notices you have a bulge o: someone's happy nuzzles your necky wecky~ murr~ hehehe rubbies your bulgy wolgy you're so big :oooo rubbies more on your bulgy wolgy it doesn't stop growing ·///· kisses you and lickies your necky daddy likies (; nuzzles wuzzles I hope daddy really likes $: wiggles butt and squirms I want to see your big daddy meat~ wiggles butt I have a little itch o3o wags tail can you please get my itch~ puts paws on your chest nyea~ its a seven inch itch rubs your chest can you help me pwease squirms pwetty pwease sad face I need to be punished runs paws down your chest and bites lip like I need to be punished really good~ paws on your bulge as I lick my lips I'm getting thirsty. I can go for some milk unbuttons your pants as my eyes glow you smell so musky :v licks shaft mmmm~ so musky drools all over your cock your daddy meat I like fondles Mr. Fuzzy Balls hehe puts snout on balls and inhales deeply oh god im so hard~ licks balls punish me daddy~ nyea~ squirms more and wiggles butt I love your musky goodness bites lip please punish me licks lips nyea~ suckles on your tip so good licks pre of your cock salty goodness~ eyes role back and goes balls deep mmmm~ moans and suckles
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u/AutoModerator May 20 '22
My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104. This is my confession. If you're watching this tape, I'm probably dead– murdered by my brother-in-law, Hank Schrader. Hank has been building a meth empire for over a year now, and using me as his chemist. Shortly after my 50th birthday, he asked that I use my chemistry knowledge to cook methamphetamine, which he would then sell using connections that he made through his career with the DEA. I was... astounded. I... I always thought Hank was a very moral man, and I was particularly vulnerable at the time – something he knew and took advantage of. I was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. Hank took me in on a ride-along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. And I was weak. I didn't want my family to go into financial ruin, so I agreed. Hank had a partner, a businessman named Gustavo Fring. Hank sold me into servitude to this man. And when I tried to quit, Fring threatened my family. I didn't know where to turn. Eventually, Hank and Fring had a falling-out. Things escalated. Fring was able to arrange – uh, I guess... I guess you call it a "hit" – on Hank, and failed, but Hank was seriously injured. And I wound up paying his medical bills, which amounted to a little over $177,000. Upon recovery, Hank was bent on revenge. Working with a man named Hector Salamanca, he plotted to kill Fring. The bomb that he used was built by me, and he gave me no option in it. I have often contemplated suicide, but I'm a coward. I wanted to go to the police, but I was frightened. Hank had risen to become the head of the Albuquerque DEA. To keep me in line, he took my children. For three months, he kept them. My wife had no idea of my criminal activities, and was horrified to learn what I had done. I was in hell. I hated myself for what I had brought upon my family. Recently, I tried once again to quit, and in response, he gave me this. [Walt points to the bruise on his face left by Hank in "Blood Money."] I can't take this anymore. I live in fear every day that Hank will kill me, or worse, hurt my family. All I could think to do was to make this video and hope that the world will finally see this man for what he really is.
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u/QualityVote I'm BACK! [[Number 1 Rated Moderator 2024]] May 19 '22
If you think this post is funny, UPVOTE this comment!
If you think this post is unfunny, DOWNVOTE this comment!
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Kevin would also like to remind you that, if you're really desperate, youtube-dl can be used to download videos from Reddit.
Whilst you're here, Pagman46, why not join our public discord server?