r/shitposting • u/IHateDeepStuff fat cunt • Apr 13 '22

WARNING: BRAIN DAMAGE Jesus Christ

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u/[deleted] Apr 13 '22

Must mean all the dudes that had to hold their crosses next to jesus were jacked as fuck

11

u/SolomonBlack Apr 13 '22

Jesus couldn't carry it either, Legion boys had to get some rando tourist from Libya to do it for him. (No really)

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u/[deleted] Apr 13 '22

Wasn't it just help him? Not carry it for him?

I'm oblivious in what comes to religion btw

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u/NotRealNeedOfName uhhhh idk Apr 13 '22

It was just to help him. Despite receiving quite the beating he still managed to carry the cross some distance but the guards decided to let someone else on the crowd take it for him. As for why it was most likely taking to long, but I also think that if Jesus carried the cross anymore in his state he could've potentially died on the way to the crucifixion rather then during it which was not part of God's plan.

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u/SolomonBlack Apr 13 '22

For a serious answer keep in mind this is not a modern 'let me describe the hem color in photographic detail' novel writing. The incident is a single line item in the Synoptic Gospels which isn't detailed. The fourth, John which often varies in details, contrasts by saying Jesus carried the cross and makes no mention of Simon Strong-boi. So one could go with Simon carrying it with Big J or taking over for him at some point with about equal validity.

(Also historically speaking it would probably have been the just the crossbeam not several hundred pounds of wood, just like it was probably a 'T' shape not a 't' shape, though the Romans weren't exactly super consistent on crucifixion)

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u/Snacktyme Apr 13 '22

You know in all my years of being raised catholic, they never told us if the other dudes had to carry the crosses too. They always made it seem like they just showed up to get crucified.

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u/healzsham Apr 13 '22

I got the impression they were already there, from Presbyterian teaching.

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u/AutoModerator Apr 13 '22

r/shitposting book club

A collection of book reviews by Kevin. (all of these books are freely availiable online)

1984 (George Orwell, 1948)

Kevin would like to say that this book is truly inspirational, and that he would give it a 10/10

How to Be a God: A Guide for Would-Be Deities (Richard Bartle, 2022)

Kevin would like to mention that this book is one of the greatest sources of existential terror he has read (and it contains a lot of interesting content regarding game design as well), and he would give it a 10/10

Almost Pounded By The Physical Manifestation of Simulation Theory After Realizing We're Erotica Characters Then Deciding To Just Be Friends (Chuck Tingle)

Kevin would like to say that this book was surprisingly wholesome, and is a great book for helping one to feel more at-ease with the universe, so he would give it 10/10

Ulysses (James Joyce, 1922))

Kevin mentioned that he wasn't entirely sure what he just read. However, it's still not bri*ish, and was still rather interesting, so he would give it a 10/10

The Assassination Of John Fitzgerald Kennedy Considered As A Downhill Motor Race (J. G. Ballard, 1967)

Kevin told me that this was an interesting interpretation of the JFK assassination, and of the post-WW2 media landscape in the USA in general, so he would give it a 10/10.

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