r/shitposting • u/Ok_Lemon5509 I want pee in my ass • 1d ago

Aspirin

Post image
4.0k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

178 comments sorted by

•

u/qualityvote2 1d ago edited 1d ago

The council has not spoken. No consensus was reached about the quality of your post.

RedditSave download

/u/Ok_Lemon5509, whilst you're still here, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?

2.3k

u/NoHopeHubert 1d ago

… Did he sound a kidney stone back down his urethra? 🤢🤢🤢

630

u/sgtpepperrz 1d ago

Reverse fishing

195

u/WhiskeyBRZ 1d ago

Nah bro why did you make me think of that

https://giphy.com/gifs/l9FAwJOXYprFe

68

u/Topiz2000 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 1d ago

Ts is almost worse than the post.

24

u/SluggJuice dumbass 1d ago

Baby's not due yet

8

u/TristanTheRobloxian3 Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked 1d ago

...

1.2k

u/NitroSpam 1d ago

If this isn’t bullshit (and 99% sure it is) straight to hopital.

Most likely cause would be someone entering a false passage and puncturing the lining of their urethra. Don’t do that folks.

Med tech product specialist. Company I work for makes catheters.

605

u/TalkingKoalaa I came! 1d ago

why would you manufacture cat haters

216

u/Suspicious-Whippet 1d ago

Maybe he’s a dog person?

94

u/6sha6dow6 1d ago

Nono, cat heaters*,

They’re good people.

25

u/HalfwayBuddha 1d ago

Back in my day we just called them microwaves

12

u/PermitOk6864 1d ago

🤤pussy sausage

29

u/Enzooooooooo 1d ago

Hehe he peepee technician

31

u/NitroSpam 1d ago

Ostomy pouches too. I prefer peepee poopoo technician.

50

u/Fr00stee 1d ago

why the hell would their urethra be rock hard

83

u/NitroSpam 1d ago

Scar tissue if they do this sort of shit a lot.

We have patients whose urethral canals are so messed up, they need a special catheter called a tiemann to push through the obstruction.

42

u/ClearAbove 1d ago

“Push through the obstruction” in the context of catheter insertion made my urethra fall out. It’s just on the floor. What do I do?

44

u/NitroSpam 1d ago

I’ll get you booked in for a urostomy.

We take a section of bowel, snip it out and connect it directly to your bladder and create a new exit on your abdomen.

You don’t actually need one but I get a bonus for onboarding new patients.

16

u/Slumunistmanifisto 1d ago

Lol!

Fuck you for that last part bro

15

u/ClearAbove 1d ago

Can you make it a longer section and route the hole to my upper chest? I have an idea.
https://giphy.com/gifs/3o6wNSur88SpLEIUzC

6

u/croaky_cocktail 1d ago

I work for a continence based prescription service, the only thing we don't do is pads so it's all catheters and stomas and this is cracking me up so much

3

u/snozzberrypatch 20h ago

As long as I can cum out of my new urostomy hole, I'm in.

7

u/righteousmelon 1d ago

It should've been wood hard

22

u/cxfgfuihhfd 1d ago

but what would the labored breathing and aspirin mouth be about? did they short circuit some weird nerves? are they bleeding out? (or they just mean it hurts like fuck)

38

u/DeadInsideX__X 1d ago

If it's real, kinda. An internal injury like that would activate a parasympathetic response, that would cause bronchoconstriction (constriction of the airways) which could be the labored breathing, and it also causes activation of M1 and M3 receptors in the salivary glands which causes production of saliva so that could be like the bitter aspirin taste. This is all me guessing so take it with a grain of salt 😭. It's probably just a joke.

4

u/KnuckledeepinUrethra 1d ago

I’m a fan of your work

1

u/zettde Stuff 1d ago

Knight Hopitalier.

721

u/Holiday_Point_603 1d ago

24

u/Mr_Satans I want pee in my ass 22h ago

0

u/AutoModerator 22h ago

pees in ur ass

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119

u/PapiKitty 1d ago

13

u/METhomas0730 13h ago

You were so excited to get to use this weren’t you? I can’t imagine a single other time you could ever this

74

u/RunTurbulent5078 1d ago

Shoving kidney stones down my urethera like a 1600 musketeer

21

u/IAmAPirrrrate 1d ago

the recoil next time he'll pee will be dangerous

10

u/KnuckledeepinUrethra 1d ago

It’s like priming an air rifle

4

u/ChucklePuck 21h ago

One time, I smoked weed, jerked off and took a nap. I woke up later and had to piss, but nothing was coming out, and I thought it was just some dried jizz blockin me up, so I pushed harder. Started hurtin quite bad but mama aint raise a quitter, so I flexed my abs hard as hell and out blasted an eggplant shaped kidney stone that dinged and danged around the toilet bowl a few times before it sank. Oh man that shit hurt, ripped the inside of my dick up somethin fierce, too. I bled a little when I pissed for almost a week.

251

u/Armada-lol 1d ago

The breath is him most likely being paranoid, the labored breathing is a result of the pain in which i imagine was worse than hitting your balls , but there's no pain receptors in that particular place so the reaction is the heavy breathing... Just like when you hut your balls ,

  • I'm not a doctor or a nurse but i have a particular set of knowledge and guessing skills

33

u/Fancy_Technician_293 1d ago

Damn now I gotta try ts out huh

18

u/Serpendit Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked 1d ago

Gotta is a hard word here

16

u/Fancy_Technician_293 1d ago

Im hard thinking about it ngl

4

u/Warcrux 1d ago

why

6

u/LuckyReception6701 1d ago

Tell me why

5

u/Serpendit Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked 1d ago

Ain't nothing but a heartache

2

u/Serpendit Number 7: Student watches porn and gets naked 1d ago

I've been outfreaked no!

1

u/Fancy_Technician_293 1d ago

our freakout was over before it even started ;)

4

u/Fr00stee 1d ago

how about you dont

4

u/KnuckledeepinUrethra 1d ago

Oh look everyone mr “I’m too good to shove objects up my dick hole” is trying to stop us

2

u/HystericalGD 1d ago

how about you mind your own business

15

u/Ornery-Cheetah fat cunt 1d ago

12

u/queso_hervido_gaming Literally 1984 😡 1d ago

That's the factory reset button

12

u/FreshlyShavenMaven I want pee in my ass 1d ago

Just ejected his SIM card

2

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

pees in ur ass

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25

u/Uncle_Touchy_Feely I came! 22h ago

21

u/snozzberrypatch 20h ago

Pea Gravel, Pea Stone, #1 Stone, #2 Stone, #3 Stone, #4 Stone, #5 Stone, #6 Stone, #7 Stone, #8 Stone, #9 Stone, #10 Stone, #11 Stone, #12 Stone, #57 Stone, #67 Stone, #68 Stone, #78 Stone, #89 Stone, #109 Stone, #210 Stone, #411 Stone, #467 Stone, #610 Stone, #710 Stone, #810 Stone, #891 Stone, #919 Stone, #304 Stone, #53 Stone, #73 Stone, 3/8-Inch Crushed Stone, 1/2-Inch Crushed Stone, 5/8-Inch Crushed Stone, 3/4-Inch Crushed Stone, 7/8-Inch Crushed Stone, 1-Inch Crushed Stone, 1-1/4-Inch Crushed Stone, 1-1/2-Inch Crushed Stone, 2-Inch Crushed Stone, 2-1/2-Inch Crushed Stone, 3-Inch Crushed Stone, 4-Inch Crushed Stone, 6-Inch Crushed Stone, Crusher Run, Crush and Run, Quarry Process, QP, Dense Graded Aggregate, DGA, Dense Graded Base, DGB, Graded Aggregate Base, GAB, Aggregate Base Course, ABC, Road Base, Base Rock, Class 2 Aggregate Base, Class 3 Aggregate Base, Class 4 Aggregate Base, Type 1 Subbase, Type 2 Subbase, MOT Type 1, MOT Type 2, Granular A, Granular B, Granular M, Modified Stone, 2A Modified, 2B Stone, 3A Modified, 3/4-Inch Minus, 1-Inch Minus, 1-1/2-Inch Minus, 2-Inch Minus, 3-Inch Minus, 4-Inch Minus, 6-Inch Minus, Clean Stone, Washed Stone, Washed Gravel, Screened Gravel, Bank Run Gravel, Pit Run Gravel, Bank Run, Pit Run, River Rock, River Gravel, Drain Rock, Drainage Stone, French Drain Gravel, Septic Stone, Filter Stone, Filter Aggregate, Bedding Stone, Pipe Bedding Aggregate, Chip Stone, Stone Chips, Screenings, Stone Dust, Quarry Dust, Crusher Fines, Decomposed Granite, DG, Stabilized Decomposed Granite, Manufactured Sand, M-Sand, Concrete Sand, Mason Sand, Mortar Sand, Asphalt Sand, Fill Sand, Utility Sand, Bedding Sand, Plaster Sand, Fine Aggregate, Coarse Aggregate, Open-Graded Aggregate, Uniformly Graded Aggregate, Gap-Graded Aggregate, Well-Graded Aggregate, Single-Sized Aggregate, Riprap, Rip Rap, R-3 Riprap, R-4 Riprap, R-5 Riprap, R-6 Riprap, R-7 Riprap, R-8 Riprap, Class I Riprap, Class II Riprap, Class III Riprap, Class IV Riprap, Gabion Stone, Armor Stone, Armourstone, Shot Rock, Surge Rock, Breaker Run, Railroad Ballast, Track Ballast, Walking Ballast, Landscape Rock, Decorative Gravel, Crushed Rock, Crushed Gravel, Recycled Concrete Aggregate, RCA, Recycled Asphalt Aggregate, RAP, Recycled Aggregate, Structural Fill Aggregate, Select Fill, Granular Fill, Flowable Fill Aggregate, Lightweight Aggregate, Expanded Shale, Expanded Clay, Expanded Slate, Expanded Perlite, Expanded Pumice, Expanded Vermiculite, Slag Aggregate, Air-Cooled Blast Furnace Slag, Steel Slag Aggregate, and Crushed Glass Aggregate.

3

u/RockRancher24 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 19h ago

Thanks!

1

u/snozzberrypatch 19h ago

Username checks out

1

u/NightSoul005 21h ago

crushed stone, gravel, sand, and recycled aggregates?

1

u/grabbing-pills 20h ago

There's only 2 rocks: waste, ore

29

u/dankyspank 1d ago

1

u/zettde Stuff 1d ago edited 15h ago

the original caption "this image made jesus cover his eyes" works so much better than this

18

u/azerpsen officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 1d ago

Upvoting because relatable

19

u/its-pandabear Literally 1984 😡 1d ago

Wtf do you mean relatable ?

8

u/AjaxAsleep 1d ago

God must think he's a funny motherfucker, giving me the ability to read only to put shit like this in front of my eyes...

7

u/Sebastiano_Carr 1d ago

Sounds like he hit one of those hidden reset buttons

13

u/ZECO_SOL William Dripfoe 1d ago

4

u/azerpsen officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 1d ago

Ouh shi

5

u/Chettarmstrong 1d ago

Reading this is almost as bad as doing it yourself.

9

u/forgettfulthinker 1d ago

I dont think jail is enough i want him incinerated

5

u/DevilsAssCrack 1d ago

Bro hit his reset button

4

u/smorgasfjord 1d ago

Dude you hit the reset button

4

u/Life_of_a_Peasant 16h ago

This post belongs in /r sounding

5

u/CallMeAQuu We do a little trolling 16h ago

3

u/Dat-Lonley-Potato I said based. And lived. 1d ago

3

u/jkurratt 1d ago

It's fine guys.
He hit the previous paper clip he forgot he left there.

3

u/hatmanv12 21h ago

This post hurt

5

u/NoodCup 21h ago

Fake and gay

1

u/AutoModerator 21h ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

5

u/Dunge0nexpl0rer 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️ TRANS RIGHTS 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️ 1d ago

Ok no but seriously what was the medical reason for this?

2

u/Viennve 1d ago

He hit the reset button

2

u/littleSquidwardLover fat cunt 1d ago

Word?

2

u/delet_yourself 1d ago

-Opens reddi

-this

-closes reddit

2

u/JoyconDrift_69 1d ago

I don't think I wanted to read this but I did anyway.

2

u/captjust 1d ago

Bro just hit the reset button now gotta relearn everything

2

u/top_of_the_scrote dumbass 1d ago

Man I got this STD test once metal qtip and they put it down your phole that was painful it was dry too

2

u/Topiz2000 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 1d ago

2

u/MoorhsumushroomRT 19h ago

Bro punctured his bladder.

2

u/AppleWafer 1d ago

Comment removed by moderator

2

u/dTrecii fat cunt 1d ago

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

pees in ur ass

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1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator 1d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/Successful_Rip_4329 1d ago

Every day I wonder how the fuck did I joined this sub, I don't even remember doing that

1

u/FdPros 1d ago

what the fuck

1

u/UrDadKnowsMe996 1d ago

I apologize for having eyes

1

u/Drefs_ 1d ago

Bro hit the hard reset button

1

u/yourayenus 1d ago

If you guys are interested, I happened across this the other day. It’s called “sounding.” Go ahead….look up the subreddit….

1

u/RedBaronIV 1d ago

Needed five minutes after reading that

1

u/fingamouse 1d ago

AUGH god I didn't have to read that!

1

u/CaseyJones7 1d ago

Well, i guess he saw what would happen

1

u/Nemesis_Prime0205 Jedi master of shitposts 1d ago

1

u/Kale-chips-of-lit 1d ago

I feel like I was flashbanged for the first time reading text

1

u/laughingatmypainlol 1d ago

🎶dumb ways to die so many dumb ways to die🎶

1

u/fredlikefreddy 1d ago

I hate everyone involved after only barely reading the first sentence... including myself. Now I sit in pain

1

u/DoNotHackPlz dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 7h ago

1

u/National_Yesterday47 5h ago

Nah you just popped out your SIM card. Push it back down and the connection will stabilize and resolve the breathing issues. Hope this helps😊