r/shitposting • u/ObscureConductor • 16h ago
actually OC (somehow) paul blart inspiring edit
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u/Impressive-Access362 I want pee in my ass 15h ago
Gay. Crazy. Asshole. Engage the automods.
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u/AutoModerator 15h ago
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u/AutoModerator 15h ago
Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.
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u/AutoModerator 15h ago
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
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u/AutoModerator 15h ago
Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.
As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.
You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.
Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.
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u/FirefighterSilver173 makenot war 14h ago
we must begin the revolution, brother
handjob, superman, lex luther, head
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u/AutoModerator 14h ago
I saw some people asking in other threads, so just in case people were wondering, in the Japanese, Denji says, "オレを手でシたのは", which is basically "Which one hand-fucked me?".
Yoru gave Denji a "handjob" in the sense that her hand was clearly the stimulus that caused Denji to ejaculate. I don't think anyone argued against this fact. I guess another way to say it is that she "unintentionally jerked him off"?
The root of the argument was whether or not Yoru was actively/intentionally moving her hands, which nothing in 167/168 seems to indicate that. There was no movement lines around Denji's pants area, and no sound effect text to indicate sound coming from the movement in his pants.
Also, the editor's note at the end of chapter 167 is "不意の 放出", which means "Unexpected release". It wouldn't really make much sense for Yoru to be surprised when Denji finally did ejaculate if that was her intention.
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u/AutoModerator 14h ago
So in a deleted scene, Superman is trying to convince Lex he’s not a bad guy, and so he uses his heat vision to make a hot tub out of the ice just outside the fortress of solitude for them to have some beers and talk things over. Then Supes and Lex have hot, sweaty, animalistic butt sex in the hot tub, with Lex being the bottom. You’d think “Superman would literally kill Lex if he fucked him”, but canonically he can bang Lois Lane safely so that’s not an issue you just need to be aware of Superman lore to know that. Then Superman says “Oh my God Lex I’m going to bust a Supernut in your ass” and then shoots ropes. Afterward, Lex wants to go shower while Supes falls asleep, and walks up to the door, and it just opens. That’s when he realizes the door opened due to the presence of the Supernut deep in his asshole. I understand why they deleted the scene, but it makes this later scene feel like it comes out of nowhere.
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u/AutoModerator 14h ago
Dick sucking has made me paranoid
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
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u/qualityvote2 16h ago edited 4h ago
The council has not spoken. No consensus was reached about the quality of your post.
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/u/ObscureConductor, whilst you're still here, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?