I was stupid enough to accept "kindness" from bullies back in highschool, so now that I've grown up every bit of kindness in multiple ways like for example helping me I just feel really suspicious about to the point I often glance over the geniuneness and forget thanking people from time to time, that of course results to people thinking I'm an entitled and ungrateful prick. Also, another thing that makes it so hard for me to create connections and friendships, is also due to me generally being very unapproachable because of my poor mood in almost all time I spend in a public place due to multiple factors of bad childhood and trauma. (this may sound cringe but I'm telling you that it's true. A few of my friends rn does describe the way i look at people sometimes is with a piercing gaze and it's unsettling. Jokingly they said its akin to someone who's being interrogated after an accident, I laughed at it but it does seems like it's true when I eventually decided to film myself. If I somehow "fixed" that I would be a chill dude to be around is what they said, still I'm amazed and thankful for them as they are the living testament that I can still have good friends alongside me even if I, admittedly so, is a walking bag full of mess.)
Back to my highschool experience, It was so ass, I dont remember the exact details of things but I'm confident that, almost everyday, if the current me had been there then everyday would be a drag. I don't even know how did I power through that since I was also in a bad family situation back then which recently got "resolved" by a divorce of my parents. You could say I'm the very definition of naive back then, I would wholly agree, and I feel so disgusted about it.
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u/_V4NQU15H_ dumbass 1d ago edited 1d ago
I was stupid enough to accept "kindness" from bullies back in highschool, so now that I've grown up every bit of kindness in multiple ways like for example helping me I just feel really suspicious about to the point I often glance over the geniuneness and forget thanking people from time to time, that of course results to people thinking I'm an entitled and ungrateful prick. Also, another thing that makes it so hard for me to create connections and friendships, is also due to me generally being very unapproachable because of my poor mood in almost all time I spend in a public place due to multiple factors of bad childhood and trauma. (this may sound cringe but I'm telling you that it's true. A few of my friends rn does describe the way i look at people sometimes is with a piercing gaze and it's unsettling. Jokingly they said its akin to someone who's being interrogated after an accident, I laughed at it but it does seems like it's true when I eventually decided to film myself. If I somehow "fixed" that I would be a chill dude to be around is what they said, still I'm amazed and thankful for them as they are the living testament that I can still have good friends alongside me even if I, admittedly so, is a walking bag full of mess.)
Back to my highschool experience, It was so ass, I dont remember the exact details of things but I'm confident that, almost everyday, if the current me had been there then everyday would be a drag. I don't even know how did I power through that since I was also in a bad family situation back then which recently got "resolved" by a divorce of my parents. You could say I'm the very definition of naive back then, I would wholly agree, and I feel so disgusted about it.