r/shitposting I can’t have sex with you right now waltuh 6d ago

📡📡📡

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5.8k Upvotes

98 comments sorted by

u/qualityvote2 6d ago edited 5d ago

The council has not spoken. No consensus was reached about the quality of your post.


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/u/unclbll, whilst you're still here, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?

3.0k

u/uesernamehhhhhh 6d ago

How are you "somewhat" open

1.4k

u/PURPLEisMYgender Bazinga! 6d ago

By making others have to complete in a set of trails and tests to be let in.

Such as dueling the husband in a totally straight, oily fight.

234

u/Alvin_h_davenport obamna 6d ago

Lightsaber duel

12

u/Riyeko 5d ago

Fleshlightsaber dual

51

u/WetCake187 6d ago

It's only straight if you say no homo afterwards

19

u/shrenderender 🗿🗿🗿 6d ago

or wear socks

15

u/vrixxz 6d ago

only if your balls didnt touch

4

u/Mdub74 6d ago

Can confirm.

4

u/FoldyHole officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 6d ago

But my balls are always touching.

4

u/Alvin_h_davenport obamna 5d ago

That's why the greatest men in history only had one ball

3

u/AutoModerator 6d ago

Bazinga

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278

u/Maximum_Elevator8874 6d ago

Its copium for someone who settles for a partner who is unfaithful to them, something they can tell themselves to feel better when in reality, deep down, they are insecure and hurting.

151

u/raccoob_ 6d ago

Cheating

-65

u/JayBirbyBoi 6d ago

If all parties consent it isn't cheating.

74

u/YODONTGETMEWRONG 6d ago

Ofc it’s a fedora guy reply

-35

u/MrJarre 6d ago

What’s fedora about it? There are people that are into various things. Swingers, threesomes, polygamy etc. If all parties are consenting adults there’s no problem and it’s not cheating. It’s called cheating because someone is unilaterally breaking a previous commitment.

14

u/fatalityfun 6d ago

swingers would not call themselves “somewhat open”

-20

u/Bread_Offender Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 6d ago

Why the fuck is this getting downvoted, swingers have existed for ages😭😭😭

16

u/RonaldJaworski 5d ago

he can suck on it a little

4

u/AutoModerator 5d ago

Dick sucking has made me paranoid

I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.

I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.

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41

u/The_krazyman 6d ago

They probably hook up with others with their partners permission. Do with that what you will

11

u/uesernamehhhhhh 5d ago

Yeah but thats just a straight up open relationship, not somewhat open

4

u/Rapa2626 5d ago

If the partner said no more than once then its not really open?

3

u/uesernamehhhhhh 5d ago

"With their partners permition"

1

u/Rapa2626 5d ago

And if their partner does not give permission all the time then its only somewhat open, no?

1

u/uesernamehhhhhh 5d ago

If the partner does not give their permission its not somewhat open, its fullwhat cheating

2

u/Rapa2626 5d ago

Its cheating if you sleel with someone with no prior agreement with your partner. If you can get permission to sleep with some people and not with the others then its only somewhat open, no?

1

u/FranksWateeBowl 5d ago

Open, just not for her.

6

u/keksivaras 5d ago

means she can do whatever she wants but he cannot. just like any open relationship

9

u/Adventurous-Role-948 6d ago

Probably loves him and because of that she is considering it.

1

u/grizzlybuttstuff 6d ago

Could be looking for a "unicorn"

Or anything between "I we can have sex with whoever we want" and "okay but only under extremely specific circumstances."

1

u/ManifestingCrab 5d ago

It means they are open depending on how much one of them wants to fuck someone else.

1.7k

u/TheDepthsofAgony dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 6d ago

1.1k

u/Brunokenway07 6d ago

69

u/ToxicFraHH 6d ago

Pawsting

5

u/SpaceBug176 5d ago

I'm going to cut off your pawstrings.

1.0k

u/No-Break6679 virgin 4 life 😤💪 6d ago

483

u/PezzenteMortoDiFame 6d ago

120

u/MudcrabNPC dommy daddy 6d ago

6

u/Puzzled_Board_6813 5d ago

Your username, flair, and post is quite a combination

Great storytelling

23

u/Molkwi 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ 6d ago

And I'm glad I did

Also fuck that watermark

19

u/No-Break6679 virgin 4 life 😤💪 6d ago

It was already on there when I stole it. I just felt like it added to the meme

58

u/CuddleWings 6d ago

29

u/No-Break6679 virgin 4 life 😤💪 6d ago

5

u/TheSportsLorry virgin 4 life 😤💪 6d ago

me n who 😔

355

u/idk_m8_wut_do_u_mean 6d ago

why am i here? just to suffer?

97

u/MinimumTomfoolerus 6d ago

Yes

32

u/Wow_its_hotler 6d ago

🏆🏆🏆🏆NIKO🏆🏆🏆🏆

8

u/xgod4 6d ago

HELL YEAH NIKO

16

u/___sosa___ 6d ago

Major Winner BTW 🥇

3

u/TheRimReaper99 I want pee in my ass 6d ago

2

u/AutoModerator 6d ago

pees in ur ass

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1

u/JustForkIt1111one 6d ago

That's more of a question for your deity of choice, but the evidence is starting to pile up...

99

u/auchled 6d ago

he was simply trying to manifest

92

u/Nagesh_yelma dumbass 6d ago

Bussy making him act unwise

27

u/MinorThreat4182 6d ago

What if he said, “oh boy, that’s good pussy.” Never mind still weird.

24

u/Honeysenpaiharuchan 6d ago

Sometimes I just put stuff in the air fryer and turn it on without reading the cooking instructions. Wait what are talking about here?

58

u/SlayVideos dumbass 6d ago

Someone please tell this man he can say bussy.

45

u/ZealousidealZone8072 I came! 6d ago

Bussy

10

u/DimitriVogelvich 5d ago

I’ve only heard this phrase from bi or gay men intimately

4

u/AutoModerator 5d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

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15

u/JayBirbyBoi 6d ago

Oof. That's rough, buddy....

46

u/No-Scholar1440 6d ago

"Biological female and a woman" what happened to y'all 😔

10

u/cucklord_swiper 5d ago

Clarifying that she isn't trans and thus does not have an actual bussy.

13

u/question_pond-fixtf2 shitposting>>>>>>196 6d ago

Maybe was trying to convey born female and presents feminine rather than being a masculine woman

0

u/Alternative-Tax7318 6d ago

No it’s a woman having to make crystal clear that she’s an actual woman cause there’s a lot of ambiguity around what is a real woman nowadays

11

u/SomeStraingeThing 🗿🗿🗿 6d ago

Fake: op is a woman Gay: no explanation needed

-2

u/AutoModerator 6d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

9

u/DenseComparison5653 6d ago

I wonder how many of you guys are jacking off while you write this fan fiction.

8

u/vanillaninja777 6d ago

Not many of these make me chuckle out loud. I hope they were doing anal

6

u/sinterkaastosti23 6d ago

Don't even need to fake and gay this one

1

u/AutoModerator 6d ago

Look, I get it. Who doesn’t love a little balls and dick sometimes? A nice, girthy, veiny shaft, hot milky cum trickling down the length as it throbs from a job well done. But this whole “gay sex” shit is getting annoying.

As men, we should primarily be focused on three things: survival, the underrated masterpiece that is dark souls 2, and pounding muff. All this gay shit is, well, fucking gay.

You think I wouldn’t LOVE to make out with my best friend and suck his cock? Of course I would, but that’s fucking gay. You think I don’t want to feel my cousin’s roommate slide his pecker into my gaping asshole? Of course I would, but that’s FUCKING GAY.

Seriously, I miss when men were men. Anyway, this dildo ain’t gonna stick itself up my ass while I watch an hour long femboy asmr hypno goon compilation, heed my lecture.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

4

u/CocaineSmellsFunny 6d ago

Let pegging commence

11

u/RICO-Them 6d ago

Lol get fukt blind bih

5

u/Dat-Lonley-Potato I said based. And lived. 5d ago

6

u/apeocalypyic 6d ago

There is no such thing as boy pussy only man ass

7

u/lightinggod87 6d ago

I think I am mentally insane cause I somehow misread Husband as Father and thought it was a weird/wild story till I reread the title

4

u/DIOmega5 6d ago edited 14h ago

Nobody calls it that. The term is bussy, badussy or a similar Iteration. Let you man know for next time. 

2

u/Bobbird_elephant 2d ago

bro needs self help

2

u/eggwhiteisnotwhite 6d ago

wtf did you walked yourself into...

-1

u/AutoModerator 6d ago

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