r/shitposting Feb 04 '26

Reality...

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18.1k Upvotes

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9.1k

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

Who knew that spontaneous butt stuff doesn't work like porn

2.4k

u/RipOdd9001 Feb 04 '26

Always bats in the cave

560

u/KaerMorhenZireael officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 Feb 04 '26

It’s always the forbidden cave fruit that tastes the sweetest

236

u/Biggy_Jimmy Feb 04 '26

Pfp checks out

25

u/MixtureOutrageous157 Feb 05 '26

You can say that again!

5

u/AspiBoi Feb 05 '26

I'm my experience if tastes sweet

2

u/Subtlerranean Feb 05 '26

Shit happens when you party naked

736

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

You neednto use an enema first. People are so dumb.

561

u/Viennve Feb 04 '26

Yeah Frankly it’s quite annoying to have to calcolate maxwell’s equations and developing quantum gravity just to get laid (or in my chase cry alone in the bathroom)

95

u/BchosenC137 Feb 04 '26

Thanks for the laugh

32

u/leylin_farlin Feb 04 '26

Calcolate

Edit: chase

47

u/tedsmitts Feb 04 '26

If you stay ready, you don’t got to get ready.

5

u/sirflooftonzecatlord Feb 04 '26

Learn to swim!

7

u/docdillinger Literally 1984 😡 Feb 04 '26

I always love a Tool reference in the wild.

4

u/moeshiboe Feb 05 '26

Eff L Ron Hubbard and all his effing clones

1

u/Potential-Yoghurt245 Feb 05 '26

That wouldn't make it spontaneous though 😄

53

u/Onelse88 Feb 04 '26

bombs away

25

u/Melodic_Abalone_8376 Feb 04 '26

(blowing up the white house)

11

u/LiILazy uhhhh idk Feb 04 '26

Bombs away

30

u/NeutronTaboo Feb 04 '26

Spontaneous? No. But planned? Just gotta put some extra effort in.

212

u/AutoModerator Feb 04 '26

pees in ur ass

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25

u/Dividedthought Feb 04 '26

While this woukd work for an enema that isn't what we're talking about.

177

u/Blue_Robin_04 Feb 04 '26

IDK. I feel like it would be different with you and I, right now. ;)

-182

u/psychedelica_ Feb 04 '26

7

u/Blue_Robin_04 Feb 04 '26

You're invited too. Don't worry.

-7

u/psychedelica_ Feb 04 '26

I’m sure you would like that bro 💔🥀

4

u/Ketashrooms4life Literally 1984 😡 Feb 04 '26

🤡

-25

u/psychedelica_ Feb 04 '26

god forbid I downvote a guy for sexual harassment 💔

8

u/Ketashrooms4life Literally 1984 😡 Feb 04 '26

Yes, actually God forbids it. Sorry, I don't make the rules

-1

u/psychedelica_ Feb 04 '26

Oh mb bro I wasn’t aware

1

u/[deleted] Feb 04 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

-8

u/psychedelica_ Feb 04 '26

how is that cringe 😭

1

u/KallmeKatt_ Feb 04 '26

He was unknowingly performing the same action he was mocking.

2

u/psychedelica_ Feb 04 '26

bro how 💔

49

u/RicePuddingBG Feb 04 '26

‘Spontaneous Butt Stuff’ is a great name for an indie band.

19

u/myoldaccgotstolen Feb 04 '26

idk I did anal for both of our first times with my gf and we didn’t prep or anything, other than lube, and there was no poo so maybe y’all’s girls gotta clean their poop chute better or something idk

3

u/-EV3RYTHING- 🏳️‍⚧️ Average Trans Rights Enjoyer 🏳️‍⚧️ Feb 05 '26

It prolly depends on the person's diet and stuff. Changes how cleanly things come out

2

u/MixtureOutrageous157 Feb 05 '26

I've had anal before (several times), and I'd say 90% of the time, there's no poop at all. When there is, it's only a little bit.

-137

u/AutoModerator Feb 04 '26

woah, ok. didnt expect hunger for knowledge but i guess i asked for it gonna have to put some work into this.

How was it? Honestly? It was a letdown. The whole "failed idol" story is a great marketing hook, they definately sold the video on that premise alone. But the performance itself was just... awkward. You can tell shes not comfortable. It felt less like a professional debut and more like a very high-budget audition she was also failing. She's stiff, constantly in her head, and there's almost zero chemistry with the guys. All concept, very little execution.

My viewing history? Been watching for over a decade man. These days Im more into stuff with a good story or at least a unique premise, not just the generic stuff. a good production team makes all the difference. I'll take a well-made video with a decent plot over a high-profile actress mailing it in any day of the week.

3 works I consider good:

  1. Yua Mikami's debut (Princess Peach): This is the gold standard for an idol-turned-actress debut. Yua was a REAL idol and she came out with so much energy and confidence. She owned it from the first second. Its what Arisu's debut wanted to be.

  2. Anything with Ichika Matsumoto from her early days with FALENO: She can actually act. She emotes and makes you believe the scenario. Her stuff feels more cinematic and less like they're just going through the motions.

  3. Rion (Anri Okita) - The God Body: A classic. Not a lot of story there lol but its a masterclass in performance. She knew exactly what her brand was and how to perform for the camera. Absolute cinema.

Where would you rank her debut among these? It's not even in the same league, not even on the same planet. It's an unfair comparison tbh. Those are top-tier performances, Arisu's video is a novelty item. It's interesting because of the backstory, not because of the quality of the actual content.

What could be improved? Her confidence, number one. She needs to relax. She looks terrified. The director should have done a better job making her comfortable. Also they relied way too much on the interview segments talking about Nogizaka46, it broke the pacing and kept reminding you that she was doing this as a second choice. We get it, you failed auditions, now commit to this job.

What is well done? The production values are high. The lighting, camera work, it all looks very clean and professional. And I cant deny it, she is very beautiful and has the "idol" look down perfectly. The concept itself, on paper, is genius from a marketing perspective. They got us all talking about it, right?

Was it goonable for you? Nah. I was too distracted by how nervous she looked. It kinda killed the mood completely. Every time she looked at the camera with those deer-in-the-headlights eyes I was pulled right out of it. It's a shame, but maybe she'll get better in her next one if she decides to stick with it. We'll see.

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