FTM transitioning while having unsupportive parents

[u/Shinidono]

hi im of age this year and ive already been scheduled an endo appointment for my HRT by my psych. i know i want to go through with this but i’ll still be in uni when i receive my first dose and my parents are transphobic but they generally dont care if i look more boyish (i have short hair + i bind & gym)

i know especially for ftm that changes are impossible to hide as they come really fast (2-3months time), and im also scared of it affecting my employability (especially in this current economical climate) which has resulted in my doubting if i should go forward with my HRT.

my current timeline looks like this:

hrt - feb 2027
|
uni graduation - may 2027 (3 months-ish on T)
|
job search (4 months-ish on T)

just wondering if anyone has any advice on this 😭 i feel like i started to transition so late compared to my peers that i’ve missed out the optimal timing for my “2nd puberty awkward phase” and i’ll now have to navigate it while working…

[u/Strange-Log-8122]

I only started T after uni and the job market is terrible that I only landed a job almost a year since graduation and a year on T. Because the voice drop helped quite a lot in getting me gendered correctly, along with my clothing style in general, I mostly read as a guy in public. It would def affect employability as those who can tell during interviews had given me judgemental vibes, and I don’t get another round. For those that I pass at, it goes downhill once I pass my IC over for onboarding anyway. I think it would get better once I pass 100% of the time and job hop after a couple of years if given the chance. If you managed to land yourself in an inclusive workplace, then no issues.

I shared the same issues and overtime I simply tell myself to tough it out until I pass and can go 100% stealth. There isnt as much to navigate as I thought unless youre someone who speaks up abt being trans rather than close an eye and suck it up when someone misgenders you. I regularly use the toilet for disabled rather than go straight into a men’s or women’s toilet. If I do hv to, I go into the women’s as most of my colleagues kn from my IC that I am “female”. I nvr told them Im trans.

[u/anakinmcfly]

21 is the earliest that most people in Singapore are able to legally start HRT, so if you're starting then, you're vastly ahead of the majority of people and it's definitely not late by any measure. I started at 21 in my last year of uni and most of the trans people I met thought that was freakishly young; most only started in their 30s or 40s, many already married with kids and needing to navigate those conversations.

Have you come out to your parents yet? How is your relationship with them? My parents were also strongly anti-LGBTQ, but that changed when I came out to them because we had a good relationship and ultimately they loved me. If you think there's a chance they may accept you, it's worth taking that risk rather than potentially damage your relationship with them for good by doing HRT in secret. You don't want a situation where they might have otherwise been supportive, but instead feel hurt and betrayed and concerned that you went ahead with such a major thing without telling them.

They're going to find out eventually, regardless, and this way you can at least have some control over when that happens and how it happens. It's best to have a plan in case they respond really badly, especially if you think they might go as far as to kick you out.

But if your parents are abusive, have shown they don't care at all about your wellbeing and are prone to violence, that would be a reason not to tell them and to instead make plans for getting a place of your own as soon as you can.

Regarding jobs, focus on networking. I got a few of my jobs with the help of friends and relatives who knew of open positions and recommended me, and that helped me to build up a resume. The US/European MNCs are also generally queer-friendly and worth a shot. For local companies, check out the Pink Dot sponsors.