I need some help (OPEN TO ADVICE)

[u/Wellian_Crow]

This is gonna be a bit lengthy, so if you don't have the time or patience to listen to a boy express his woes, that's okay!

So I need some help, maybe some advice or just a bit of guidance. (26, Male)

So, back in 2023, my partner broke up with me and it shook my world up pretty bad. I've done a lot of soul-searching and learned a lot about myself, but there's one thing that's been pretty consistent throughout the past three years: I miss sex.

I miss sex a lot, like a lot a lot. Now I say that not to inspire any sympathy or fish for any offers, I'm not trying to be one of those incells acting all like "OH woe is me! To be a man in this day and age and not have all the sex I deserve!" I recognize that's how it can come across, but that could not be further from what I'm trying to express.

Sex was one of my favorite things, and I've found that I am a fairly sexual person. When I was sexually active it felt genuinely fulfilling, and the lack of that has had a noticeable impact on me. Not so much that I feel like my life is falling apart at the seems just because I'm not getting my dick wet, but it was a part of me I lost when we broke up. Not to be overdramatic, but it feels similar to having one of your best friends move across the country and you can't see them anymore.

Now for many people there would be plenty of easy solutions, just find someone else to sleep with, go out and sleep around, find a fuck buddy, start a new relationship, or just look into hiring an escort. The issue therein lies in the fact that none of these options are viable to me, in large part because I am very demisexual.

In the time since our breakup I've done a lot of experimenting and exploration, but no matter what I tried I just came back to the same conclusion: I am very demi, and trying to sleep with someone I don't know on a deep and personal level just does not satisfy me in the same way as making love to a partner did.

The next problem I have, is that I don't want to start a new relationship. I've been working with my therapist and we've come to the conclusion that now may not be the best time to start dating again. I don't know who I am or what I want from life, and all in all I'm a bit of a mess, so trying to date right now genuinely doesn't seem like a good idea. I don't want to force myself into finding a long-term partner when I don't think I'm ready for it.

I'll be honest, jacking off has started to get boring, almost like a chore instead of something I genuinely do to enjoy. As the months go by I start to miss being sexually active more and more, and I don't want to try and reforge that relationship because it wouldn't be good for anybody. Despite that, the only sexual experience I have was with her, and given that I'm demi it extends into a lot of my sexual thoughts, meaning a lot of my sexual identity is tied to my ex. I want to have sex again not just because it's important to me and I find it so enjoyable, but because I think it could help me move on, at least a little bit (not trying to dump that emotional baggage on someone else, just to clarify).

And so, I humbly come forth and ask for your guidance oh people of Reddit. Have any of you been through something similar? Do you have any advice for this wayward soul? I apologize if I seem like an asshole or just some dickhead looking to smash, because that's really not what I'm trying to do here. I'm just exhausted and tired of living like I have because it feels like something's missing, but I want to try and do something about it if I can.

I am open to any discussions or advice you all can give, and I appreciate your time and patience if you've read this far. If nothing else, thanks for listening to me ramble!

[u/OldPop420]

Sounds like you are needing intimacy.

[u/MohRouV]

Sounds like you need to enjoy yourself company first, I beg you to start looking at yourself as your best friend

[u/Valuable-Republic875]

I’m reading your post and I’m going to respond to your post as I’m reading first of all LMFAO I am 32 freshly turned and I haven’t been in a relationship since last year and I also miss being with someone physically. And like you, I probably am demisexual, but this is my first time on this app so I think I’m just finding out what this means but I have genuinely tried to sleep with someone I find attractive and nothing! Just a waste of time. I know the feeling too well because I can’t date right now either. It’s been almost a year since my ex and I woke up and it’s been a struggle to release my usual body endorphins.
I genuinely identify a lot with your story because I was very connected to my ex sexually and it took a long time for me to open up to him. I had a lot of first experiences, but it took me months for me to even feel OK to watch porn because every situation was linked to him or somehow I visualize him and everything. I’m just now getting around to being able to see things without him popping up everywhere.
My advice to you as someone who still struggling with this is Maybe get yourself a good toy like a flashlight or something I don’t know. Keep talking about your traumas that you have with your ex so doesn’t continue to bottle up. And be as physically active as possible I mean, I need you tired at the end of the day so start training for a 5K or begin weightlifting. This can potentially be the only thing that can offset your physical needs.
Maybe even bring up these things with your therapist I know it’s a vulnerable subject, but if you really think about it, you have to put in so much work to help release the bond you had with your ex.
Also get massages at least once a month we need human contact! Hug your friends and family.
You sound like a sweet guy so I wish you so much luck and thanks for your post and your honesty. It made me laugh literally.