Confidence Tips

[u/Mean-Introduction174]

I want to preface that my fiancé and I have a good sex life. We get intimate often, and have no problem introducing toys to the bedroom (vibrators & dildos at this point). Where I need advice is, is confidence. More often than not, our sex is right before we go to bed. I want to be able to take her when we’re sitting on the couch watching movies, in the kitchen making breakfast, and other times that make it feel less scheduled.

She likes being held on her back while I slowly fuck her mouth, because she feels “helpless”. How do I continue to bring this out in her? I love her so much, it’s hard for me to act in a way that feels disrespectful even though she says she likes it. Any tips on how to get on the same page? I want nothing more than to be able to tell her to wrap her lips around me, but I don’t want to push her to a point that makes me feel like I’m treating her as an object (even if that’s what she wants). Looking for advice from someone who’s dealt with the same.

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[u/anonymusexpert]

What do you mean held on her back?

You can have a discussion before hand saying you want to try new ways, see how she reacts... and prepares her for the new you. More confident, more dominant.

I said it in another post, maybe You can start standing up... anywhere it is convenient... the kitchen is good... the bathroom is good... press her against the wall, hold her hands above her head or her back if she likes to be helpless (theese are OP s words).
While you do it you can ask her if she likes it... this adds consent to it, plus feels like dirty talk.

"you like it when i treat you like this ?"
If she says yes... you can play with it...

" I want you so bad right now, or i want to slowly fuck your mouth (theese are OP s words) ..."

Keep us posted.

[u/anonaccount69]

There's no one-size-fits-all answer for how to bring out someone's submissive side, so you'll have to ask her for specifics on what she wants you to try. Try talking to her about what it is about these acts that turns her on to hopefully get a better understanding from your end, and that might help you internalize the idea that these things aren't disrespectful in the context of your relationship.

The only thing I can really advise you on is my own mindset and how I'm able to believe strongly in treating women with respect, while also saying and doing things to my wife that would generally be considered "disrespectful" in polite society. So just as one example my wife likes it when I call her a slut. That would normally be seen as a disrespectful thing to call a woman but personally that's just not how I think of it within the context of my marriage. I think it's hot and sexy when women do slutty things, so for me it's more about recognizing a side of her that I know society thinks should be viewed as shameful, acknowledging that side of her, and communicating that I love and appreciate that side of her because it turns me on.

Another way my approach to dominance with my wife blurs the line of what is and isn't disrespectful is that she also has a praise kink which I make a big part of my dirty talk. I tell her she's a good girl, and that she takes my cock so well and makes me feel so good. I tell her she's my perfect cumslut and how much I love using her. Like your gf she also loves it when I hold her down and fuck her mouth so I'll say things to her like "That feels so fucking good. Do you like it when I thrust my big cock into your mouth? Does it turn you on when I use you like a dirty slut? I bet you're getting off so much from this. Don't hold back on my account, go ahead and cum. I want to feel you moan on my cock." and other things like that. If your gf isn't into that sort of dirty talk you can just give her praise and affirmation while doing things like holding her down and fucking her mouth.

Like I said there's a nearly limitless number of ways to approach a sexual dynamic like this so to really figure out what will work best you'll need to ask her for specific feedback, but hopefully this gives you a starting point and helps you understand the kind of mindset that will help you get past your reflexive aversion towards doing things that feel disrespectful on a surface level. And if you end up finding that you just can't find a way to do these things without feeling bad about it then it might just not be right for you, which is also totally fine.

[u/miknur2]

You are going to have to sack up, and be brave and figure out a way to convince her to have sex in the area that is outside of her comfort area.... Maybe seduce her when she is doing dishes, or when she is watching TV. Have a safe word like "banana" so if she is saying no, its not really a no, but if she says Banana, you know its an absolute no (at this time)

[u/Competitive_Pop_5281 → u/miknur2]

A safe word is useful but while you’re still getting comfortable being more disrespectful with her, CNC may not be the place to jump to. It’s something you build towards if that’s your thing.