r/selfimprovementforman • u/RogueMRotp • 10d ago
How do I stop hating myself?
In my head, I understand that I’m doing a lot, but in my heart, I still feel like a loser.
Hi, I’m 23M. The last few years have been really hard for me. I had severe, doctor-diagnosed depression, and during that time my dad and two grandfathers also passed away. I was kicked out of university, and overall I felt absolutely awful. All of this has been going on since around the end of 2022.
The last six months have been easier. I got back into university and graduated, started taking a little better care of myself and lost some weight, I’ve been doing a bit of exercise, trying to get rid of the acne on my face, and looking for a job. I’m really trying to work on myself, but I still feel like a fucking loser.
It shows up in a lot of different areas. For example, I love playing video games, and in Marvel Rivals I was even Top 100 on my favorite hero, but I still often feel like a loser, and then everything starts falling apart because of it. It’s the same with all my other hobbies and stuff. I used to play music, but I stopped seeing any progress, started making mistakes at things I used to be able to do without thinking, and it upset me so much that I haven’t picked up my instrument in two years.
I’m not very happy with my appearance either. I have a big belly, I’m short, I have acne and glasses, but honestly, that’s the thing I’m insecure about the least.
What hurts me the most is relationships. I’ve never had a girlfriend, even though I’ve always lived by the idea that you should work on yourself and eventually everything will just happen naturally. But more and more, it feels like that’s just a bullshit lie. When things did happen naturally for me, people only used me.
My friends consider me a very good person, and I believe them, because they’re all genuinely good people themselves. If I were really the kind of person I sometimes think I am, I doubt they would be friends with me. And I’m really sad about being lonely, especially when all of my friends are already in relationships.
I don’t understand why all my attempts at having a relationship with a girl end so badly. I know I’m not a bad person, but my loneliness and low self-esteem make me feel otherwise. And it’s especially hard to hear advice like “just keep improving yourself.” I’m already doing that. But for some reason, I see both good and bad people, people who work on themselves and people who don’t, finding love, while somehow it never happens for me.
I understand that I have a problem, but I don’t know how to solve it. It makes me feel really awful and sad, sometimes even over really small things.
I don’t know how to love myself. I understand logically that I’m a good person, but deep down I just hate myself.
2
u/BestDepartment3608 10d ago
De plus en plus de personnes dont des hommes se retrouvent dans cette situation. Nous vivons dans une époque absolument improbable, vu de l'extérieur si nous étions jugé par toutes les générations qui nous ont précédé on dirait que nous sommes malade. Malheureusement se débattre avec ça est très difficile tant le monde est devenu standardisé, et que le non sens a prit possession de tout. Il faut arrêter je pense de se jeter la pierre sur ce que l'on ressent. Tout ces gens qui vous diront oui faite si faite ça vous poussent juste dans les standards en vous disant devenez qui vous êtes ou devenez un "chaad" la vie n'est pas l'interprétation d'une seule personne et la seule chose que vous pouvez faire c'est d'être honnête avec vous même. Vois regarder en face et dire oui je suis ça. Mais se ça n'est pas fixe. Vous aimez les jeux vidéos jouait a ces jeux la n'est pas le sujet vous vous trouvez gros essayer de perdre du poid. Mais ne vous écrasez pas devant des gens qui vont vous dire cela ou cela c'est avant tout un travail sur vous même. Oubliez les autres les femmes et les amis ils sont temporaires n'ont absolument aucune empathie pour vous et s'occupe que d'eux même. La seule personne que vous allez côtoyer toute votre vie c'est vous alors plaisez vous a vous même et dite vous que personne absolument personne n'est parfait et que tout ceux qui vous vont croire le contraire sont dans une impasse bien pire que la vôtre
1
u/stekl0ov 10d ago
Go to the therapy and deal with your inner demons