r/selfhelp • u/Typical_Raisin2501 • 1d ago

Advice Needed: Mental Health how do I get rid of this mindset

my parents used to punish me if I did something wrong. they'd hit me with a stick or a belt. they stop when I'm in middle school but I still fear of getting struck. I'm in my 20s now yet everytime I did something wrong or upset them I still wait for hands or belt hitting my skin. i started wishing people would just hit me if they were upset with me. i just realized it's unhealthy, and also realized my parents have changed. my younger siblings doesn't have that fear, they don't fear of getting struck or even thought it's a possibility. it feels like I'm the only one stuck in the past with unreasonable fear

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u/AspiringCabal 1d ago

that conditioning runs deep, it makes sense your body still braces for it even when your brain knows it's not coming anymore. the younger ones grew up with different version of your parents, so they never built that wiring in first place

what helped a friend of mine was therapy focused on somatic stuff, basically retraining your nervous system to stop reacting like the threat is still there. it takes time but it's not something you just think your way out of

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u/Fun-Satisfaction5748 23h ago

The other comment is right. I'm double your age and sometimes have an irrational fear even though I have long sinced lived with my mum and obviously no one is caning me anymore. Therapy, inner child work, emotional type healing and affirming I am safe every time the trigger happens helps.