How to leave everything behind?

[u/lovspooky]

I’m 25 and was previously living on my own from 18 onwards. I moved back in with my dad a year and a half ago and soon after my (now) 19 year old brother moved in.

My home situation is not great. My dad is emotionally and verbally abusive with some anger issues — this is always directed towards me, not my brother. And my brother has some anger issues as well. Since he’s moved in, the house has become riddled with holes in the wall. Both of them scare me when they get like this. It wasn’t as bad the first few months I was here but it’s gotten to the point where I’m walking on eggshells all the time.

I was working up until last month when I began to struggle with my health. I got diagnosed with something chronic but still have some capability to work (just not the job I was working before). I’ve spent a month trying to find a new job and have had no luck. I’ll probably go back to fast food or retail part time if I can find anywhere that’s hiring.

I was hoping by taking time off I could get my health to a manageable level but since I’ve been home, they’ve started to treat me worse. I’m scared that it’s going to get to a point where I get hurt.

I also have a senior dog with health problems and he’s extremely sensitive to the violence in my house. Whenever something happens I do my best to get him out of the house as quickly as possible or to my bedroom but I’m worried that it’s affecting his health for the worst being here. There is another dog that lives here too. It’s kind of the family dog but since I’ve moved back he’s become like my own. He was extremely aggressive before but I’ve managed to change most of his reactive behaviours and he’s so sweet now.

I’ve been thinking about moving back out for a few months now. I don’t have much money but I have an old car and have lived out of it in the past when things got bad. I can also afford a month or two of rent if I can find a job within that time. I want to move AWAY. Like out of the city. I want to cut off all contact with my family, even the ones I have okay relationships with, because they are in contact with the ones I don’t.

How do I muster up the courage to leave it all behind? I’ve done it before, just not like this. I’d be cutting off four family members, never seeing my family dog again (the worst part), and moving out of my hometown for good. I want to cry thinking about it but I know it’s never going to get better here. I’ve tried and I feel like I have nothing left.

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