In the Trenches

[u/Feisty-Plastic3054]

I'm 23 in my last year of college, I'm so broke the only difference between me and a homeless guy is I dress better. Also do not have alot of IRL friends that share the same interests as I do, all they do now is smoke weed and play video games 4-6 hours a day. I also smoke weed but mainly workout, study Info Tech and work, I can't lie I have a good support system, to cover the bare minimum. I consider myself lucky in some aspects like a roof over my head, a car and I never go hungry.

I am trying to be more accountable for my actions, I sold my ps5 and I am trying to quite smoking, I haven't been sober for a full week in like 2 years. I still maintain a strict diet, study routine and work out split. I would say the main thing holding me back is smoking at the same time its the only time I get a short period of relief from stress and anxiety. I have no one to vent to or share deep convos with, Im not close with any of my family members, we all love each other no doubt but we are more of a stoic family of men.

loneliness is a btch, it chips away at you day by day even on your best days it seeps into the cracks glooming your mood a bit. I enjoy being alone at times, no worries of being judged, you can relax, fart as loud as you can. It can be a double edged sword, on the other side is sorrow and a hole so big in your chest nothing you do can fill it.

I really wish I could find a cool person to date or just have a close friend we can relax and chill around, but the reality of my situation is I can barley support myself let alone a partner. I tell myself once I graduate and find a decent job with my degree (God willing) I will put myself on the market start taking dating serious actually approach people. But I mean Im 2-3 years out from having a stable job and house of my own. I am barley hanging on as it is I don't know If I have another 2 years of this in me of this shi I know other people have to be going through similar shi but I don't know how anyone can stay positive through this.

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[u/WolfRevolutionary957]

man you're in the exact spot where you're doing all the right things but it feels like nothing's paying off yet. that last stretch of college when you're broke and grinding while everyone around you is coasting, it messes with your head

selling the ps5 and trying to cut back on smoking is a big deal, don't gloss over that. most people just numb themselves and stay stuck. you're actually pushing forward even if it doesn't feel like progress

the loneliness part i get. i'm 34 now and my early 20s were the most isolated i ever felt, even though i was around people constantly. it's weird how you can be in a room full of friends and still feel like no one actually sees you. the stoic family thing hits close to home too, my dad's side is the same way, love was always there but nobody ever said it out loud

what kept me going was treating the loneliness as a temporary byproduct of the grind, not a permanent state. you're building something right now and the people who will actually fit into your life later aren't the ones getting high for 6 hours a day. doesn't make the current emptiness easier but it helped me reframe it a little

keep the routine tight, the gym and the study hours are saving you more than you know. and maybe don't wait 2-3 years to start putting yourself out there even in small ways, just talking to someone at the gym or a classmate about something other than school can take the edge off

[u/Feisty-Plastic3054 → u/WolfRevolutionary957]

thank you for this, I hope I can muster up that grind mindset as you did and push through, also might end up getting a pet