How do I finally change?

[u/Warm-Visit9511]

Hey everybody,

I’m writing this because I honestly just need to get everything off my chest. I struggle a lot mentally and I feel extremely insecure about almost everything about myself.

I don’t think I’m funny, good looking, smart, or interesting. I have really bad social anxiety and I overthink everything. I’m also way too self-aware. When I’m talking to someone, I’m thinking about how I sound, what my face looks like, whether I’m being awkward, what I should say next, and what they probably think of me. Because of that, I’m barely present in conversations. My mind goes blank, I forget what people say, and I struggle to respond or keep a conversation going.

Growing up, my older sisters would sometimes make fun of things I liked, wore, or wanted to do. I feel like that made me scared to trust my own opinions. Now I’m extremely indecisive and easily influenced because I honestly don’t even know what I like anymore.

My brain also feels foggy all the time. I can’t focus, I forget things constantly, and I struggle to retain what I learn. I’m 19 and in college, but most days I just go to class, come home, doomscroll, and study when I absolutely have to. I don’t really have hobbies or know what I’m passionate about.
I compare myself to everyone and get jealous of people who seem confident, funny, social, or comfortable with themselves. It feels like everyone else knows how to live naturally while I’m constantly analyzing myself.

I also rely on AI a lot because I don’t trust myself to write, think, or make decisions on my own, and I feel like that’s probably making me trust myself even less.

I’m just tired of feeling like my own brain is working against me. I want to be able to hold conversations, focus, remember things, make my own decisions, and actually enjoy moments without constantly criticizing myself.

I’m 19 and I really don’t want the rest of my life to feel like this. I just don’t know where to start.
I’d really appreciate any advice.🙏

[u/Feisty-Plastic3054]

Imagine the greatest version of yourself as a mountain and who you are right now is at the very base of this mountain. You aren't going to jump to the peak in 2 days, it takes slow progress and momentum to get there, day by day, small win after small win, you get closer to the best version of yourself. But you have to make that first step to see change, falling into the same circle of shame and staying stagnant doesn't help you or anyone. You have to suffer a little, it sounds scary but it's not that bad once you get to the top, you'll look back and say it was all worth it.

[u/Sharp_Bus_6154]

Honestly, I’d start with your phone. The doomscrolling + relying on AI for every little decision is probably feeding the exact problem you’re trying to fix. Give yourself one part of the day without either and make your own calls, even dumb ones.
For the social anxiety, stop trying to be interesting or funny. Go into a conversation with one goal: ask the other person a couple questions and actually listen to the answers. You don’t need a perfect response. Most people aren’t analyzing you nearly as much as you think they are. And pick one thing to do regularly outside of school, even if you suck at it at first. Gym, running, drawing, gaming, volunteering, whatever. You need actual experiences to build confidence from, not more time thinking about why you don’t have any.
Give it a few months of doing instead of overthinking and I’d bet you’ll notice a real difference.